


Sex Education

by livixbobbiex



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Anal Sex, Friends With Benefits, Hand Jobs, In terms of feelings anyway, M/M, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Inexperience, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:13:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22085443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livixbobbiex/pseuds/livixbobbiex
Summary: An inevitable part of many educator's careers is having to give the dreaded sexual health class. A year into his professional career, it's finally Nagisa's turn; the only problem is he doesn't really know what he's talking about. Sure, on a practical level, he gets it, but he has no experience. Unfortunately, a slightly intoxicated Karma has a suggestion.Suddenly, it's Karma's turn to become the teacher. He's happy to help, of course, but the real question is how long can you enter a sexual relationship with your best friend (even for educational purposes) without catching feelings.
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa
Comments: 215
Kudos: 676





	1. Lesson One (the condom conundrum)

**Author's Note:**

> who saw this coming?

“What do you _mean_ , you don’t know how to use a condom?”

Nagisa wrinkles his nose. “You promised you wouldn’t laugh-“

Karma responds by holding up a single finger. “I never said such a thing. But, you’re _twenty four_.”

“ _So_?” Nagisa tries. “I was… busy…”

“Have you even kissed anyone since the Kayano thing?”

“…”

“ _Wow_ ,” it roles surprisingly drying from his tongue.

And then Nagisa thinks of an excellent point. “Don’t act so surprised. It’s not like we ever talk about this kind of stuff.”

Karma takes a swig from his Asahi Dry, which makes an audible clatter as he slams it down on top of the kotatsu. “So let me get this straight; you have to teach sex ed to a bunch of hormonal teenagers, when you, in fact, have no experience in that field. Yeah, you seem pretty screwed to me.”

“Thanks,” Nagisa mutters, pushing his own can in front of him. He’d be tempted to drink more, given the circumstances, but at the solid age of twenty four he’s learnt his limits. He knows that it only takes one gulp too much for their weekly meet up to end up with Nagisa passed out, and with Karma practically carrying him to the closest metro station to throw him onto the last train home.

“What’cha gonna do about it?”

Nagisa sighs. “My current plan was to find a good YouTube tutorial.”

Perhaps it’s the alcohol, but Karma actually starts letting out an unsettling mixture of a snort and a giggle. “Next thing I know, you’ll say you’ve never even seen a condom.”

“…”

“For real?” He takes another swig. “Wait there.”

He blinks, when Karma just stands up and leaves him there. Karma has a very important job, as he likes to remind Nagisa with his constant whining about his co-workers. Such a job requires living right in Tokyo, lest he deal with a two hour commute either way. He makes an almost hilarious salary compared with Nagisa, but even on that, his apartment isn’t particularly big. Though, the fact that he has a whole separate room for his bed makes Nagisa slightly jealous, and is largely why their meetings take place _here_ , rather than at Nagisa’s place. Back in university, it used to be whatever random izakaya took their fancy, but admittedly Nagisa preferred it with just the two of them.

“Catch,” Karma calls, when he emerges from his bedroom, and goes into an overarm throw.

Like instinct, Nagisa does. Years of friendship with Sugino have given Nagisa pretty good hand eye coordination when it comes to objects being hurtled towards his face. But, said object was a lot smaller than a baseball. Nagisa peered between his fingers at the small square object, realising after a moment that it was indeed a condom. Like a hot potato, he dropped it, and it landed right in the centre of the kotatsu.

“Oh come on,” he says, “it won’t kill you.”

Nagisa forces himself to take a moment. Because Karma’s right, and if he absolutely has to demonstrate the act of condom use in front of an audience, it would be very helpful if he was able to actually hold one first. Though, fortunately enough for him, none of his students were as devious and sadistic as Karma.

“What do you expect me to do with it?”

Karma raises his eyebrows. “What, you want me to get a cucumber or something? I don’t just have one lying around in the fridge.”

Admittedly, he splutters.

“Okay, _cherry boy_ , I get it.”

Unfortunately for him, Nagisa ends up living up to the name, flushing wildly. It’s not that he has a particular aversion to sex, he’s just never seen the appeal of meaningless hook-ups. He’s heard plenty from Nakamura already, all about her foreign escapades, and that’s almost enough for a life time. And, well, Nagisa hasn’t ever really been interested in dating anyone either. It was all about studying through high school and university, his eyes set firmly ahead of him, and now his biggest concern is grading his student’s papers.

He senses the conversation’s becoming derailed, though. “The school board provides the demonstration condoms.”

Something comes over Karma’s face, and Nagisa knows it’s not good. “Vagina.”

He squints. What, is he trying to embarrass him or something? “I’m not a child-“

“Cum,” he says, “rim job, butt sex.”

“Karma-“

“Autoerotic asphyxiation-“

“ _What?_ ”

Karma shrugs innocently. “It’s important to touch all bases, right?”

“That had better not be some sort of metaphor.”

He laughs it off. “Do you want me to show you or not?”

“ _You’re_ going to teach me?”

“Yes?” He tilts his head. “That’s what you asked, wasn’t it?”

No, it wasn’t what Nagisa asked at all. He didn’t want Karma to give him the sex ed demonstration, not in the slightest. He was more… venting. Is this a genuine offer? It’s hard to tell, when it comes to Karma. Sometimes he’s just waiting to humiliate you, others… Well, there are other times, Nagisa swears… And then he starts to wonder if he should actually take him up on the offer.

“Like, be my sex teacher?”

Something in Karma’s eyes shines. “So I get to be _Sensei_ this time, huh?”

“I studied for five years for that title,” Nagisa deadpans.

“And maybe _I_ studied five years in the bedroom-“

His face heats up again. “I don’t want to know.”

Karma’s apparently had enough of that, though, because he reaches for the dreaded condom, positions the packet between his teeth, and rips it open. Clearly, he’s far too familiar with the action, and somehow manages to look smug whilst doing it. Nagisa just stares in horror, as the slippery thing is removed from its casing.

“You know the basics at least, right?”

Well, yes, he wasn’t _stupid_. “Y-yeah.”

“Hmm,” he thinks aloud, “there’s nothing to roll it over though. Sorry, didn’t think to stock up on phallic vegetables.”

“I think we’re using test tubes at school,” Nagisa mutters.

Karma leans back with one hand. “You might be surprised but I don’t have any of those either.”

“I don’t think they compare to the real thing anyway,” Nagisa says, pretty sure his own penis doesn’t resemble a test tube much.

Okay, he’s blaming the alcohol for that one. He might not be drunk, per say, but clearly it’s enough to make his tongue loose. He should be thinking, before he speaks. But somehow it’s already too late, because Karma’s face goes slightly dark for a moment. Nagisa’s not sure what kind of plot involves condoms, but-

“What, you want me to be your life model or something?”

“Are you offering?”

There he goes again. Nagisa wants to punch himself hard in the face. What possessed him to say something like _that_? He knows himself well enough to be able to take a step back and evaluate the things he says. And he’s well aware, especially with the beer making his voice just a little lower and rougher, that a comment like that comes across at least a little flirty.

Karma bites his lip, as though he’s seriously considering. “I mean, sometimes a practical demonstration is a valid teaching method…”

Nagisa holds his hands in front his crotch dramatically. “No way.” 

“Relax,” he almost roles his eyes, “I wasn’t going to touch you.”

“You’re…” Nagisa blinks, “going to put it on yourself?”

“If you want,” Karma responds, his voice light and airy. As though this is normal Saturday.

The thing is, it’s not like Nagisa’s _never_ seen Karma’s… areas, before. It was inevitable, really. They were best friends. There’d been sleepovers, mutual bathroom excursions, a few onsen trips… Of course, he’d never actually looked any of those times. It’s just impolite! One of the things you just understand, as a guy, is to not just go looking at others without permission. So, if Nagisa ever caught sight of Karma naked down there, he’d turn his head away like lightning. But now Karma’s asking him to look directly _at_ it… to study him there.

He swallows his worries. “Isn’t this… kind of weird.”

Karma hums. “I guess, only if we make it weird. Do you feel weird?”

Like the world’s most extravagant game of gay chicken, Nagisa accepts his fate. “ _No_.”

He flinches, though, as Karma reaches down to his trousers, and starts to tug at the zipper. Like some kind of slow motion horror movie, he feels sweat start to gather unpleasantly on his forehead, sliding all the way down his neck. _This can’t be happening_. Karma seems somewhat determined, though, focused on his task as his jeans are undone enough for him to just reach in and free himself.

Nagisa’s breath catches in his throat, and he reminds himself that he’s _supposed_ to be looking. If Karma says it’s not weird… then it’s not weird. He catches sight of Karma giving him a look, as if searching for permission. And that feels weirdly intimate, making eye contact, especially considering where Karma’s hand is. Nagisa’s hands? Firmly clenched into fists in the centre of his lap.

But then, to worsen the horror, Karma grips himself a little tighter than he really needs to, and something sinks in Nagisa’s stomach. Instead of saying anything, or actually attempting to put it on like he was supposed to, Karma’s hand slides up. Like the midst of a car crash, Nagisa can only watch in morbid fascination for a moment, when it goes back down again. And then up, with a small twist added. Nagisa’s not so innocent that he doesn’t know _exactly_ what this activity is, and in lieu of screaming, his arm flips out, knocking over the empty can of beer.

“ _What_?” Karma questions, and at least for a moment his hand stops.

“D-don’t do,” Nagisa splutters, “ _that_ here!”

“You can’t put on a condom on properly when you’re soft! It’ll just slide out of position. It hurts like a _bitch_ when you get it up, believe me.”

“That doesn’t mean you should do _that_ in front of me!”

Karma’s eyes narrow. “Go sit in the bathroom then.”

“ _No_.”

“How is it any worse than what we were already doing!?”

“P-pleasuring yourself is different!”

“Don’t _call it that_. And it’s not necessary!”

“Why don’t you come over here and try it if you have a problem with how I’m doing it?” Karma snaps.

It’s not unlike him, to react that way when slightly annoyed with Nagisa. What is unlike him, however, is to suggest in the process that Nagisa touch him there. His face doesn’t just heat up, he’s completely overloaded. How dare Karma even suggest- How is his logical conclusion to ‘don’t masturbate in front of me’, ‘come do it yourself’?

“ _Fine_ ,” Nagisa says, and knows he’ll live to regret it.

But he’s never backed down from one of Karma’s challenges before. He’s not about to start on a mildly drunken Saturday, during an argument about whether it’s okay to masturbate in front of your friend or not. Nagisa’s not sure what constitutes as ‘too far’, though, but touching his best friend’s dick might just be it. Too late now.

Nagisa snatches the condom from his other hand, eyes burning with determination, and he looks at it. As he said, he’s not stupid, he knows the theory. Or, at least, he thinks he does. It wasn’t like he’d had a particularly detailed lesson before, and it was years ago. He stares down at the condom, though, finding it oddly slippery as he braces himself and begins to unroll it.

“You’re already doing it wrong.”

Nagisa glares. “ _How_?”

The annoyance dies down from Karma’s eyes then, just a little. “You have to pinch the tip first, and roll it down over the head, not before.”

Nagisa gestures him. “I’m not sure I can from this angle-“

Just like that, the annoyance was back. “That wouldn’t have been a problem if you’d just let me finish.”

He grabs him at his base, cutting him off as he purposely manoeuvres his length into a more upright position. “I’m doing it.”

For some reason, Karma actually has the nerve to twitch at that comment. But Nagisa’s committed now. It’s kind of hard, like he needs an extra hand, but he somehow manages to position the condom fairly right (or so he assumes, because Karma didn’t try to correct him again), pinching the tip between his fingers as he begins to roll it over the head.

Of course, Nagisa has to look at what he’s doing. Which means he also has to actually look at Karma’s length in intense detail. Not that he’s thought about it before, but it’s a solid weight in his hand. His fingers move quickly, lest the condom somehow fall off, and he starts to unroll it. As irritating as Karma can be, he doesn’t actually want to hurt him, so he elects do to it slowly. He concentrates, his fingers trailing down bit by bit until he’s reached the base. Somehow, it barely registers in his brain that Karma’s starting to feel firmer by the second.

“Uhm,” Nagisa breathes, looking up again to looking Karma in the eyes, “is it good?”

He doesn’t miss the way they’re slightly glassed over. “Y-yeah. That’s a pass.”

“Hmm,” Nagisa looks down again, and his hand moves back there. He fits it around Karma’s length, and attempts to smooth the condom out. If they’re doing this, then he’s going to execute it perfectly. Not that there were wrinkles anyway, but he doesn’t want to risk it. But then Karma audibly gasps, and Nagisa stops zoning in on the condom, coming to the realisation that Karma actually got hard.

“I-“

Karma almost dry heaves. “Nagisa, I suggest you stop touching me now.”

He looks down in shame, removing his hands immediately. “Sorry, I’ve never… I didn’t know…”

Something in his expression looks tired. “What, that you were practically jerking me off?”

“I wasn’t-“ Nagisa says, and means it, “I was just making sure the condom was secure.”

“Well look at what you did,” he gestures.

“You… liked it?”

“I’m pretty sure anybody likes it when they’re jerked off-“

“I wouldn’t know!” Nagisa can’t believe that this is going to constitute his first sexual experience, and he didn’t even really mean to do it.

Karma looks down at his erection, and back at Nagisa. “It’s not like you’re teaching your students about stuff like this, right?”

“No, it’s a little too graphic.”

“But if they ask questions…”

Nagisa swallows. “I guess… some practical experience would help. Just in case. I want them to feel comfortable asking me things, of course.”

“So,” Karma says, “I could ask you to leave, so I can go take care of this, and we can act like this never happened. Or…”

“It’s still not weird?” Nagisa asks, no matter how pointless it is.

“Only if we say it’s weird,” Karma repeats, and now he really is a little breathless.

Nagisa reaches for him again, despite his better judgement. He can’t let go of how deeply wrong something like this should be, and yet… Karma’s a solid weight in his hand, and for some reason, it doesn’t gross him out. He’s frighteningly aware of what they’re doing, but the fact that he’s okay with it is somehow disturbing to him.

He tries to repeat his earlier movement, considering that it already got Karma into this state. His hand feels weird and awkward as he slowly slides up, and then down again. The condom is lubricated on the outside, so it’s an easy glide. Nagisa hesitates about going too fast, afraid of doing thing rash lest Karma react badly.

Karma bites his lip. “You can go a little harder.”

“Oh.”

He looks as though he’s trying really hard to gather his thoughts. “This has to be educational, right? Faster’s good too.”

Nagisa nods, and tries again. But, it still feels strange, like his arm isn’t quite in the right position. He _tries_ , though, even going up onto his knees so he has enough leverage to jack him properly. Nagisa really doesn’t know what he’s doing, though, so he can’t help but feel awkward about everything he’s doing, though he does attempt a little more speed.

“Just do what you’d do to yourself,” Karma cuts in.

Somehow, even given the situation at hand, Nagisa manages to turn even redder than he was. Nagisa’s never even really thought about it, during _that_ kind of activity. Karma’s erection feels different to his, anyway, so it’s not like he can just rely on muscle memory. Usually it’s just a means to an end with him, quickly finding what feels good and sticking with it until his release.

He finds it a little easier to close his eyes, and he finds his movements become a little less stiff. It’s hard to know, when he doesn’t have any sensation to go off. There’s not a lot of variation when it comes to a handjob though, right? He’s pretty sure this is what he’d do to himself, though it still feels entirely weird.

“-gisa. _Nagisa_.”

For a moment Nagisa wonders if Karma’s moaning his name or something. But then he opens his eyes, and it’s clear that Karma is in no way lost in pleasure. At the very least, he seems a little frustrated. Nagisa almost deflates entirely. Even the clumsiest of impassioned teenagers can manage something like this, yet somehow he’s so terrible at it.

“Okay,” he says, and then his hand covers Nagisa’s, pretty much moving it for him.

Nagisa remembers what he’s supposed to be doing, here, and he pays attention. Karma’s putting pressure on his hand and moving in a more purposeful way. Like he’s really trying to tug at himself rather than the vague feeling up. Honestly, as he thinks about it, this is the first time he’s ever seen someone else like this, and he’s mildly fascinated.

At least Karma seems to be enjoying it more. When Nagisa looks up at his face, his lips are slightly parted, and his eyes are low. He’s not sure how to feel, about seeing Karma in this way. It’s like something forbidden, your best friend in the midst of pleasure, and it sends a strange fire through his veins. As though Nagisa wants to see more.

Weirdly determined now, Nagisa knocks Karma’s controlling hand away. He gives him a look of confusion, before Nagisa resumes the action. It’s a little strange with the condom in the way, but Nagisa can still feel the shape of him pretty well, his ridges and veins, and the way he’s started to pulse lightly in his grip.

He leans forward again, and really takes it in as he applies more pressure still. He starts to think that he’s getting it, because Karma’s breaths certainly get a little heavier, and he hasn’t made any further complaints. Once he thinks he’s got the hang of it, he experiments a little, varying where he applies the pressure. He strokes him from base to tip, before twisting his wrist just a little.

“Y-yeah,” he finally says, “like that.”

Nagisa doesn’t understand why there’s fire in his own crotch, and why his trousers are painfully tight. This is supposed to be purely educational, yet Karma’s doing something to him. Nagisa almost starts panting too, though he can at least just blame it on the exertion. He speeds up, then, trying to figure out what Karma likes, and what’ll get him the reaction.

“H-how am I doing?” He asks, when Karma doesn’t say anything else for a while.

Karma opens an eye. “Just fine.”

His voice is a little strained, though. Nagisa takes it as a good sign, going with the twisty movements as his speed picks up. He has absolutely no idea why, but he wants to get to that end peak, to see just what will happen. He likes the way a bead of sweat rolls tantalising down Karma’s neck, and the way one of his hands is curled around the kotatsu, gripping onto it.

 _Finally_ , Karma let’s out a noise that’s kind of like a grunt, his erection twitches, and the condom starts to fill. Nagisa can’t help but watch in an almost morbid fascination, his hand moving almost idly. Then he looks back up at Karma’s face, where his lips are still parted, but he looks good, relaxed. At the very least like he somewhat enjoyed it.

“Stop,” he instructs when he’s too sensitive, and Nagisa immediately lets go.

For a long moment, they just sit there in silence. Karma coughs once, twice, before pulling the condom off and trying it so nothing can escape, which Nagisa watches closely because he’s supposed to be learning, and tosses it vaguely across the room, somehow directing it perfectly into the bin. Nagisa almost compliments him on his aim, but he doesn’t because that would be weird.

“Okay,” Karma says eventually, like he’s made a decision. “Your trousers look uncomfortable.”

“Oh,” Nagisa tries to squeeze his legs together to hide it, but really that just creates pressure which accidentally gives him a jolt of pleasure.

Karma stares at him. “How about I return the favour?”

“ _What?!_ ”

“It’s polite.”

Nagisa has never considered the likelihood of this situation. In all his life, he never thought he’d be right here, with Karma offering to give him a handjob. Well, maybe in his deep dark teenage fantasies- but that was _years_ ago, and entirely the result of overwhelming hormones that had littered his junior high years. So yeah, maybe there _had_ been a wet dream or two, but there was a huge difference between that and what’s happening right now. He doesn’t even know how to react.

“I-I-“

Then Karma shrugs. “You can’t learn without knowing how it feels, right?”

“Okay?”

He regrets it almost instantly, because Karma wastes no time. Within no more than five seconds, Karma’s hand is down his trousers, which usually fit loose but right then are tight around where he’s hard. It’s not possible to think, when suddenly he grips him, and pulls him out with purpose. All Nagisa can do is let out a high gasp as though he’s suddenly electrocuted.

“Fffff,” is what escapes his mouth.

Karma’s nonchalant about it, jerking him as if it’s nothing. Nagisa doesn’t even know what to do, what to say… how to even react as he’s taken along for it. All he knows is it feels _nothing_ like his own hand, and considering that’s all he has to go off, he’s incredibly overwhelmed. He thought he at least understood sexual pleasure but…

He can’t stop his hips from moving in time with Karma’s hand, though at the very least his eyes squeezed shut of their own accord, so it’s easy enough to turn the rest of his senses off. He knows he tosses his head back as strange whimpers are stolen from his lips, as Karma’s hand speeds up. Where Nagisa fumbled, Karma seems to know exactly what he’s doing, and partly it reads like a calculated attack.

“Ka-Karu-“

Nagisa doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Honestly, he doesn’t know why he even started. His insides have been turned white hot, and he can feel it burning there in his groin. It’s almost on the edge of too much, and for once in his life he starts to _get it_. He’d always found it strange, the way sex seemed to be such an important factor in so many people’s lives. It wasn’t that Nagisa had ever been opposed to it, more that he was the type to avert his eyes if he was ever so unfortunate to find himself in one of the sketchier parts of Tokyo (he was never forgiving Nakamura for that time she made him miss the last train in Kabukicho, _seriously_ ). But this feels good, and even though it’s not even over yet Nagisa knows he wants more. He’s also confused, though, his rational thoughts seeming to clash with his most base ones. Like it’s all muddled up there in his head, all at once.

“S’okay, Nagisa,” Karma manages to sound reassuring, “you can let go.”

As if by magic, Nagisa’s eyes roll up and he does. For a moment, his entire body’s on fire, and the world is shaking. But then he comes back down, just a little, and it’s like the last eight months of tension have left him, and all he’s left with is a faint ringing in his ears. Yeah, Nagisa definitely gets it. It’s never felt that satisfying before.

He opens his eyes, then, and takes in Karma’s expression. For just a moment, they manage to lock eyes, before Karma looks down at the palm of his hand, a movement which Nagisa follows. To his own mild horror, he sees semen and _lots of it_ , all over them, like some kind of weird glove. Somehow, that’s the part he manages to feel the most embarrassment over. Surely it wasn’t usually… _that_ much.

When Nagisa doesn’t say anything, Karma gets himself to his feet with a ceremonial kind of grace, and leaves without a word. For a moment, Nagisa wonders if it was that awful that he’s just going to leave him here like this, but then he remembers that they’re technically in Karma’s house. He _can’t_ just leave. And, just like that, a couple of minutes later he pops out from the bathroom, hands entirely cleaned off.

“Uh, Nagisa-“

“Look at the time!” He jumps up for affect, but then actually looks at his phone screen. “I don’t want to miss the last train!”

“Right,” Karma nods seriously, “you’ll be stuck here.”

They don’t live in Kunugigaoka anymore. Karma’s job (and thus, higher salary) allows him to live far closer to the centre of Tokyo. It’s convenient enough for _him_ , but it means Nagisa needs to make two train changes to get back to his place. He doesn’t mind that, it is what it is, but the chances of getting stuck somewhere are heightened if he leaves it too late into the night. Not that that’s the top of his priorities, considering what just happened.

“U-uhm,” Nagisa refastens his trousers with absolutely no grace, and half stumbles towards the door. “T-thank you f-for the lesson. It was helpful!”

“Any time,” Karma waves him off casually.

He goes bright red, and ducks down into the genkan, pulling his shoes on so fast he almost trips. Out of one moment of politeness, he slightly lowers his head, before opening the door and then slamming it behind him. Only when he’s outside, in the brisk cool air, Nagisa catches his breath properly. _What just happened?_

And, what does Karma mean by ‘ _any time’_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My main tumblr is [Livixbobbiex](http://livixbobbiex.tumblr.com/) but my ass class blog and the one I used to discuss this fic is right [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/nagisasthickthighs)
> 
> I recently changed discords so if you want to discuss my fics with me directly, please join this [this link](https://discord.gg/py42kFB) (and ignore all others)


	2. Lesson Two (normalcy and a teeth fetish)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa struggles to rationalise what happened between him and Karma, and his lesson comes around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I assure you it's completely normal

The train at seven AM. Back when he was a school student, even in a relatively large town like Kunugigaoka, it wasn’t so bad in the direction he took. But this is properly Tokyo now, and millions have jobs to get to. It was easy to get used to, even if Nagisa doesn’t particularly enjoy being squashed up against others, he can at least slide his headphones in and try and ignore it until his station.

It’s the same deal every day. He awkwardly pushes to the front of the train crowd at Hashima station, rushes up the escalator even though he’s not running late, and scans his commuter pass through the ticket gate. He catches a glimpse of his remaining total as he walks through, and mentally reminds himself to charge up his IC card after work. From there, his school is about a ten minute walk, which usually gives him plenty of time to internally go through the day’s lesson plans one last time.

Only, this morning the only thing he can think about is Karma’s hands on him. It’s ridiculous and he knows it. It had only been (shamefully) about five minutes of his _life_ , yet there it is playing in this constant feedback loop. If Nagisa could yank the memory right out of his head… But he _can’t_. How’s he even going to look Karma in the eyes again?

“Morning, Shiota san,” one of the receptionists says, as he writes himself in.

He lowers his head respectfully. “Good morning, Yoneda san. How was your weekend hike?”

“Quite tiring,” she smiled kindly, “my husband’s crazy, for insisting we climb all the way to the summit every other weekend. Gets the kids out of the house, though.”

Nagisa used to climb a mountain every day for class, but he just smiles and laughs. It’s nothing like Kunugigaoka, but it’s not like there’s no green space in Tokyo, most of it left wild enough that it gives the impression of actually being real. Still, Yoneda’s one of those few people who actually grew up in the city, so it must feel like an actual escape for her. Maybe Nagisa should visit home one of these weekends…

He just nods again, and goes on to his classroom. His experience at Paradise High School was interesting, and he’s proud of what he managed to achieve there. But, that was only to complete his degree. Although he’d been offered a permanent position, Nagisa ended up looking elsewhere. At the moment, he teaches the first year class at Heibon Junior High, and whilst it’s easier than a bunch of unruly seventeen year olds, it presents its own challenges.

“Morning, Watanabe san,” Nagisa greeted the girl already in her seat. The others… they all show up as close to the morning bell as they push it.

She attempts a smile. “Morning, Nagisa Sensei.”

“Interesting book today?”

She looks up at him from behind it, and shrugs.

He’s _trying_ to get through to her, it just might take him a little while. Honestly, Nagisa’s a little bothered by it, since the winter break is rapidly approaching. But there’s still time, and she’s still young. As it turns out, trying to build any kind of trust with a twelve year old is incredibly difficult. It’s a difficult jump, starting junior high.

Nagisa doesn’t mind her being here so early, at least, and he thinks Watanabe appreciates that. He just sits down at his own desk and sorts out the things he has to. The papers he graded, homework to hand out, parts of his lesson plans… it’s good to be organised. He extends a smile and a welcome to each one of his other students, as they filter in, chatting excitedly behind their desks about their exciting weekends.

“Good morning, everyone,” Nagisa stands up properly, “let’s start today’s class.”

Nagisa’s classes have a general routine, too. He starts the morning with roll call (everyone’s here today), then he moves onto the first lesson, whatever subject that may be. And classes proceed happily until lunch break, where his students all run off to the school cafeteria (this place is lucky enough to have one of those), and Nagisa takes a bit of the alone time to check on his afternoon lessons.

He frowns when he realises that today, of course, the usual science lesson has to be replaced with sex ed. He wasn’t allowed to make his own lesson plan, of course, not for something like this. Honestly, Nagisa hasn’t even read over it for a while, which isn’t like him but he’s not usually giving talks about uncomfortable subjects.

He reads it over, and then his stomach twists in alarm. He… _did he read it wrong the first time_? Nagisa flicks through the sheets, and realises that no, there’s definitely something wrong here. This weeks lesson is all about general puberty things. Well, _that’s_ fine. Not a lot to do with… reproductive stuff. _Huh_. He looks again, and as it turns out, that lecture is actually due to take place _next_ week.

Somehow Nagisa feels bad that he got that handjob under false pretences. Kind of.

The bell rings, though, and lunch break is over. Crunch time. Surprisingly, Nagisa can detach himself from things that are purely science. Even if he has to listen to a group of twelve year olds snicker at the word ‘penis’, he can get through it. At the very least he has a whole week now to get to the really awkward condom stuff. A whole week of practise! _Solo_ practice.

Thankfully, in general his students are pretty good about the whole thing. Some even take notes! He gets it, though, puberty can be a scary time. There’s nothing more he can do, except give them the best go ahead as possible. They’ll figure it out eventually. Not by next week, though, when he actually has to give the condom lesson.

Maybe if he pretends everything is okay? If he _says_ everything’s okay, then by some law of the universe it has to be okay. Going with that, Nagisa reaches for his phone after class finishes. He and Karma are friends, just normal friends, so it would be weird not to text him. Especially after he helped him, and Nagisa left so abruptly.

_Nagisa: My lesson went fine._

_Nagisa: Thank you._

He doesn’t get a response, or even a ‘read’ receipt, but Nagisa pins that down to Karma’s different schedule. It’s not like he _needs_ a response, right? Nor does he need to specify what lesson it actually was. Karma doesn’t need to know. All he needs to know is Nagisa is somewhat grateful, it’s fine, and they should just go back to normal. Sure that may have been his first… _sexual experience_ … but that doesn’t mean anything.

Handjobs don’t count as virginity, right?

Nagisa tries his absolute best not to think about it, as he journeys home the same depressing way that he came. Thankfully, most of the companies let out of work a couple of hours after school finishes, and since Nagisa doesn’t have to chaperone any club activities he’s able to escape the endless sea of Tokyo commuters. If only his whole life wasn’t here now, he’d move away to some remote mountain village if he could.

Because his life is so normal, he walks into the konbini closest to his apartment, and scouts out his options. Maybe it’s terrible, a symptom of had habits during university, but Nagisa’s not the best cook. Why spend a bunch of money on vegetables and meat he barely knows how to prepare well, when he can get tasty food for much cheaper? Even if it’s a little depressing.

But it’s normal, eating dinner alone most nights as he grades homework. And then moves onto checking over his lesson plans for tomorrow, before writing for a few days in advance. Nagisa likes to be as prepared as possible. He’ll have his break… during the few months of summer when there’s no school, maybe.

And because things are normal, Nagisa doesn’t even think about it when Karma doesn’t reply to his message. He keeps going, the daily grind, right up until the weekend. A part of him is relieved. After all, his normal life has been… well, normal. And with each day that passes, the more he can put any blips to that normalcy right behind him.

School is an every day affair, of course, and he spends his free moments focusing entirely on it. He doesn’t need Karma’s touches, or anything else from him. Though, Nagisa doesn’t feel much like touching himself either, but then again he’s never been particularly influenced by desires like that. He can’t risk his mind wondering, because once that happens he’s surely done for. No, perhaps some space between them is a good thing.

But then, come Saturday morning, he finally receives a text.

_Karma: Do you still want to hang out later?_

An olive branch, then, finally. Nagisa would never dream of saying no. Unless somehow crazy busy, it wouldn’t be normal to say no. So he knows he can’t. A part of him is a little annoyed that Karma waited _this_ long, but perhaps he was giving him space. Not that Nagisa _needs_ space. If he’s going to stick with this normal thing, he needs to see it through though. He’s adult enough at least to know he can’t avoid Karma forever.

Nagisa sends his reply, and tries not to think too hard about it. He goes about his day off from school as he would any other time, once again crunching over his desk as he figures out his next bout of lessons. Then he checks his emails thoroughly, just in case any of his students has a problem with any of their work. When there’s nothing to deal with there, for the first time all week he tries to cook himself something.

Well, he’s not sure how much cooking is actually involved when it’s frozen udon. It involves boiling water on a stove, and adding ingredients one stage at a time, so it’s close enough. Nagisa used to make breakfast for himself and his mother, of course, he’s not completely useless. He doesn’t stray outside of the instructions though, mixing the dashi with the water and just about guessing when the noodles are soft enough to eat. If there’s alcohol involved later, the more he eats now the better.

Just to further is point of being completely and utterly normal, he doesn’t dress like anything special when he leaves. Not that Nagisa would be able to do that if he _tried_ , but it’s the determination inside him that counts. He’s going to have a nice evening catching up with his best friend, and that’s absolutely it. The one major social interaction he manages to find time for within the week.

Nobody pays him any attention during his journey to Karma’s apartment. Why should they? He’s just one guy, in and endless sea of people. So it’s not weird when he gets off at Karma’s stop, and walks the ever familiar way to his home. Nagisa used to have to use google maps, for the first few times, but not anymore. He knows it off by heart.

“Hi,” he says, when Karma answers the door just two seconds after he’s rung the doorbell.

“Come in,” Karma steps aside, and he feels awkward.

Nagisa practically ducks his head as he goes inside, and immediately concentrates on getting his shoes off. Horrifically he’s convinced Karma’s just watching him, but once he’s lined them up neatly against the wall, he realises that he’s stood there completely alone. Which is fine. He’s been here enough times that he doesn’t need Karma to babysit him.

“Beer?” Karma asks, bent over the fridge.

Drinking isn’t a good idea. Unfortunately, Nagisa’s well aware that last time, he was definitely sober enough to agree to what happened. But, alcohol still made his tongue looser, and right then the best thing would be to just keep his mouth shut. This day is just a hurdle they need to get over, and then it’ll be gone from his memory.

“M-maybe just one.”

That’s a mistake already, but it’s too late now, because Karma tosses it over and cracks open his own drink. Pensively, Nagisa sits himself down on the sofa. It’s a little less cold this week, so at least they don’t need to huddle under the kotatsu again. He opens his beer and takes a sip, wincing a little as the alcohol burns down his throat. Surprisingly, it doesn’t make him feel any better.

For the first time, being with Karma feels really awkward. He doesn’t know how to put it into words, because he’s not exactly uncomfortable, but it’s weird. It’s like all of a sudden, Nagisa’s overly aware of him now, right down to counting his breaths. Despite all his efforts, he knows this isn’t normal, but he has no solution. He’s not _panicking_ , is he?

“Nagisa,” Karma starts, and he even jerks in response.

“S-sorry,” he apologises, though he doesn’t even know what for.

Karma grabs him by the shoulders, then, twisting him to face him properly. “Cut it out.”

“Cut what out?” He plays dumb.

“Look,” Karma gives him a look like he knows exactly what Nagisa’s doing. “Do you need to _talk_ about this?”

“T-talk?”

Karma lets go at him, at least, but shuffles around so he’s sitting cross legged on the sofa. “I know what you look like when you’re thinking too much. So if you have something to say, just say it.”

An open invitation, then. The thing is, Nagisa doesn’t even know _what_ he has to say. What happened last time he saw Karma… that was definitely a terrible mistake. But he thought he’d be able to put it behind him. Now… why can’t he get it out of his head, still? Is their friendship really ruined by something so ridiculous as an ill advised hook up? All he wants is to forget it, but…

“Did that count as virginity?!” Nagisa finally bursts out.

Karma just blinks, before he whole body laughs. “ _What_.”

Great, now Nagisa just feels stupid. But he’s in the midst of a car crash now, and there’s no way of escaping it. At the same time, though, a part of him is glad that it’s Karma he’s with. He can’t imagine being this embarrassed in front of anyone else and, well, he and Karma have pretty much already seen the worst and best of each other.

“Hey,” Karma says once he calms down, “it’s kind of complicated. Some people might count it, others think you have to go all the way. Do you feel like a virgin?”

Karma has a point, honestly. A really good one. Maybe Nagisa’s brain has been warped by society around him, but now he thinks about it, he knows that it’s not a black and white issue. For him… he always thought of virginity like it had to penetrative… Even though that didn’t mean the same to everyone else, now he really thinks about it, he still feels very virginal.

“Yeah,” he replies. He expected to feel far more… whole. “I guess I do.”

Karma looks at him. “Is that kind of thing a big deal to you?”

He thinks about it. Really, it’s more that sex has never been at the forefront of his mind. He never really thought about it that much when he was younger, and even when he got to high school age, he was so focused on studying and getting himself to a position where he could fulfil his dream of becoming a teacher. Now he’d achieved that goal, he’s still working on being the best he can possibly be. He hadn’t even had the time during that to think about relationships and dating, and he’d always thought that it would happen just like that.

Nagisa supposes it’s the right time for honesty, though. “It’s not a _big deal_ , exactly, but… This kind of thing has never been a priority, and now I don’t know what to do. Or if I even _want_ to do it.”

“I think you wanted to,” Karma shrugs, “you were hard.”

“So were you.”

“Yeah,” he grins, “but I was getting jerked off. _You_ were just watching.”

Nagisa actually squirms at the memory. He’s spent the entire week trying to repress it all, but now here Karma is, quite honestly forcing him to remember. He doesn’t really know why he had the reaction he did, everything happened so fast back then that he’d barely had time to process the state of his arousal before Karma was suddenly wrapping his hands around him.

“I-“

“It’s tough,” Karma goes somewhere in his head, deep in thought. “Most people fumble through as teenagers when it’s mutually uncomfortable and learn practically like that, so now there’s an even playing field and at least they generally know what to do. But you’re _really_ a beginner.”

He doesn’t want to ask, but somehow it falls from him anyway. “Was it really that bad?”

“Well,” Karma starts, “you definitely need more practise.”

As if on instinct, Nagisa jerks away from him.

He has the nerve to roll his eyes a little. “I swear, Nagisa, I won’t lay a hand on you. Not unless you want me to.”

His lips parted. _Unless you want me to_. What kind of leading question is that? He _doesn’t_ want Karma to touch him again. Even though it felt good… It’s just a terrible idea no matter how he looks at it. But, now Nagisa’s picturing it again, and even though it’s really not the right time, he can’t help but feel a little heated about the whole thing. Unfortunately, that means his face visibly flushes.

“I, uhm, b-“

Karma notices. “You _do_ ,” he laughs with an evil glint, and his face goes dark. “Did you have the hots for me this entire time? Ha! Then I guess I did you a favour, then! Don’t worry Nagisa, I don’t mind if you’re attracted to me. Do something about it, c’mon,” he play smacks him, as though this is all a joke.

He’s not sure what Karma wants from him, but it doesn’t matter, because he just stands up. “I’m leaving.”

“ _Wait_ ,” Karma practically tosses his body across the sofa dramatically, “I said I didn’t mind.”

“This is so dumb,” he says mostly to himself.

“Well, if you want to learn,” Karma shrugs, and then downs the rest of his drink in one go, wincing as it travels down his throat. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. Like I’m your tutor or something.”

Why would it _mean_ something? “Like a sex tutor?”

“Sure,” he’s nonchalant. “You know, so you can figure out what you’re doing.”

Nagisa just stares blankly at him. “That sounds like a terrible idea.”

It really, _really_ is. As much as Karma constantly makes fun of him, Nagisa knows he’d trust him with his life, but this is different. Being his best friend and… _sex_ … it doesn’t sound like it will end up good. He understands what Karma’s saying, that it’s better to get out of the awkward stage now so that he doesn’t have to go through it when he’s with someone he actually likes. But that doesn’t mean it won’t have consequences! Plus, friends don’t just _sleep_ _together_.

“Alright,” Karma still maintains his composure. “Off you go then.”

Nagisa frowns, even though he’s the one who wanted to leave. “You’re kicking me out because I don’t want to have sex with you?”

“There’s plenty of things aside from _sex_ ,” Karma points out. “We already covered hand jobs. That can be unit one, or something. Does that mean we need a pop quiz?”

He deflates. “Are you really serious about this?”

“This teaching thing is kind of fun,” Karma looks as though he’s about to crack his knuckles and start a 1980s training montage. “I see why you’re so passionate about it.”

“D-don’t corrupt my career like this!”

Karma himself stands up, approaching Nagisa like he’s crowding him in. “Why don’t you go ahead and call me _Karma Sensei_?”

 _Does he have some kind of weird teacher fetish?_ “U-uh,” he gulps, “I didn’t agree yet.”

“ _Yet_ , huh?” Karma has the nerve to grin. “This is an expiring offer. Going once, going twice-“

Something possesses Nagisa, and he grabs Karma by his shirt, as though he’s about to square him up for a fight. That, or kiss him. Whichever one it is, Nagisa loses his nerve before he can actually do either, though, but he doesn’t let go of him. All he knows is that he’s stepped straight into quicksand, now, and he can feel himself sinking no matter what he does.

“Education purposes only,” Nagisa says eventually, looking him right in the eye.

Karma nods. “Of course. We’re adults here. It’ll be _easy_ to separate class time from hang out time.”

Nagisa finally lets him go. “What’s in it for you, though?”

Something crosses over his face. “I mean, there’s worse ways to spend my time than getting my rocks off. But call me generous, helping a friend in need.”

 _Generous_. “I-“

“Go sit back down on the sofa,” Karma says, “I know exactly what to show you.”

When Nagisa does it, he knows he’s forfeited his last chance to do back out of this. His heart is beating fifty miles an hour and he’s just a little worried it might actually burst out of his chest. Are they _really_ going to have sex? Just like that? Nagisa had always thought he’d have more time to process it than this, but…

Karma’s looking at him like he’s evaluating him. Scrutinising. He’s moved right in front of him, and since he’s standing his height feels even more imposing. Nagisa shifts awkwardly, not sure he’s comfortable with being watched like this. But then Karma apparently decides what he’s going to do, and sinks down to his knees. Considering the length of his thighs and torso, he’s still tall like that.

“Are you okay?”

Nagisa nods, even if he’s not sure whether that’s the truth.

“Good,” Karma leans forward, planting his hands on his thighs. “You have to remember to check in, every now and then. But if there’s something you really don’t like, you can say ‘stop’ at any point.”

It’s ridiculous considering what happened last time, but Nagisa shudders a bit at the feel of Karma’s hands. Whether it’s excitement or apprehension he’s not sure, but with sudden clarity he knows he wants to feel more of it. So he does his best to stay still, as Karma’s hands drag down his legs, before he leans forwards again and his fingers curl around the fastening of his jeans.

Nagisa can’t help looking away. It’s embarrassing, to have his clothes stripped so easily like this. He can only sit there and shift himself where Karma guides him, letting him pull his trousers down his legs and then off, pooled onto the floor somewhere. He’s not entirely exposed, considering his boxers are still on, but he kind of wishes he’d worn something better. Not that Nagisa paid much attention to his underwear, ever.

“Nagisa,” Karma pauses, “you can’t learn anything unless you watch.”

He forces himself to look down, and it’s nerve wracking. At the same time, though, there’s a whole other feeling. Nagisa’s not really sure if it’s arousal or apprehension. Last time at least, everything happened so fast there was no real anticipation, not like this. But there Karma is, on his knees in front of him, and it’s so surreal and exactly like something out of a wet dream that his entire body is confused about how exactly to react.

“Move forwards a bit,” he instructs.

Nagisa tries his best to shuffle. “Like this?”

Apparently not, because Karma yanks him forward with a fierce grip at his legs, and Nagisa’s head spins. He knows for a _fact_ , then, that he’s growing hard. Even though there’s a small part of him that knows that’s what’s meant to happen, it’s a little alarming. He does try to relax, though, even though that’s easier said than done when Karma actually grabs his budding erection.

He even has the nerve to look self satisfied as he does it, raising an eyebrow before rubbing him there with purpose. Nagisa can’t help the way his toes curl up at the feeling of being stimulated. Obviously, he hadn’t even considered touching himself this week, so the last time was also under Karma’s hand. It feels even better than he remembers, and there’s still a barrier of fabric in the way. Shamefully, it doesn’t take long at all before he’s straining against the boxers, and all he wants is them off.

He still tenses, though, when Karma does just that. It was a more even playing field, when they were both half naked, but now Nagisa feels a little uncomfortable under the attention. Not enough that he has any intention of stopping, though, because Karma’s bare hand around his erection feels like fire and he instinctually needs more of it.

“Don’t freak out,” Karma warns, and then his head disappears between his legs.

At first Nagisa feels Karma’s other hand grip at his thigh, the first gripping him by his base, before the most impossible heat. At least before, he wasn’t entirely blind to what it felt like to have a hand wrapped around him. It’s definitely different, but a hand is a hand no matter who it’s attached to. But this is Karma’s _mouth_ , and his _lips_.

In reality, he hasn’t actually taken much of Nagisa’s length inside. Nagisa keeps to his word, and does keep his eyes on him. But it’s hard to actually concentrate on what’s happening when Karma’s lips are wrapped easily around his head and now he’s _sucking_. His fingers dig into the sofa cushion for something, _anything_ , to ground him to the mortal world.

He clearly knows what he’s doing, because Karma looks up and makes eye contact with him then, his gaze low and seductive. He has the nerve to smirk (which Nagisa thought wouldn’t be possible with his mouth otherwise occupied), and lets the head fall out with an audible pop. Before he has time to mourn the loss, his eyes sink close like he’s genuinely enjoying it as he trails attentive almost wet kisses to the shaft. And Nagisa can barely stop himself from coming _right then and there_.

“Lesson,” Nagisa’s voice comes out as strained. “This is supposed to be a lesson.”

Karma looks up at him again, which is just too seductive whist his lips are _on_ his erection. “ _Right_.”

“S-so teach.”

“You’re not learning?” Karma pulls away, and Nagisa regrets everything. “Well, blowjobs aren’t just about sucking. There’s kissing,” he resumes the action of attaching his lips to the shaft, “tongues,” which he demonstrates by licking him root to tip. “But sometimes the basics are just as good.” With that, Karma takes him all the way to his base.

Nagisa can’t help but cry out in a kind of shock/alarm, though most of it is the onslaught of pleasure. He’s never felt a sensation like this, and he feels a slight twinge that he might get addicted to it. Since he’s meant to be paying attention, Nagisa notes that there’s definitely finesse about this. Karma’s sucking him just right and skilfully, like he’s trying to draw out as much as he possibly can.

“Of course,” he pops off entirely and Nagisa wants to scream, “there’s no one size fits all for sex. You just have to try things out, pay attention to whatever your partner reacts to. The only real rule is no teeth.”

“T-teeth?” Nagisa tilts his head. “Like how?”

Karma winces. “Well, don’t say you didn’t ask. I’ll show you for just a second.”

He goes back down again, taking Nagisa into his mouth, and if this is what heaven feels like he’s about to start planning his own funeral. But then, just as he gets adjusted to the feeling again, Karma’s mouth shifts and suddenly his teeth scrape against the shaft. It’s entirely different to everything else he’s feeling, but so satisfying and real that immediately his eyes roll back.

He cries out even louder and it’s embarrassing. But, all of a sudden he’s filled with crazy, primal urges. Like he wants to slam Karma’s head down and make him do it again. Nagisa’s not quite confident enough for anything like that, in fact mostly he just trembles. Didn’t Karma just say _not_ to do that? But… he wants more.

Karma pulls away again in confusion. “That felt _good_?”

Nagisa nods, but Karma’s reaction makes him feel uncomfortable. _Is he weird?_

“You’re into teeth,” Karma concludes. “Interesting.”

“U-uhm,” Nagisa needs to ask for more but he doesn’t know how, “can you-“

Karma grins devilishly, then, and pries one of Nagisa’s hands from the cushion and places it in his hair instead. “Why don’t you show me what you like?”

It takes Nagisa a moment to figure out what he means, and he feels like he’s going to overheat. It was easy to just experience this, but to control it? Unfortunately for him, his neglected erection throbs to the point it’s almost painful, and that pretty much makes up his mind. He just barely pushes, and thankfully Karma doesn’t torture him by making him ask for it even more directly.

Nagisa sighs, when he slides right back into Karma’s mouth, and it all feels right again. He keeps his hand in Karma’s hair, and he can’t help but feel around. As it turns out, his hair is _really_ soft, and it’s easy for him to get lost in stroking through the texture. And also what Karma’s doing to him in general. With little actual guidance, he’s bobbing up and down at the steady pace, and once again it’s so _hot_ and almost too much to bear.

He breaks his promise to keep watching. He _can’t_ look at Karma like this, taking him easily to the most pleasure he’s ever felt in his life, without losing himself in an instant. Nagisa’s honestly not sure he can do anything anymore, though he vaguely knows his grip in Karma’s hair is tightening. He closes his eyes instead, trying to focus on the feeling, but then Karma scrapes him lightly with his teeth again.

He doesn’t consciously mean to, but he really grabs onto Karma, then, forcing his head down as his hips jump. Karma doesn’t seem to mind at all, though, if anything sucking harder than before. Of course Nagisa knows that Karma’s strong enough to remove his hand if he really wants to, but he seems fine to just keep going, and then he does something with his tongue that makes him almost snap right then and there.

“Nagisa,” Karma says after _actually_ removing his hand and pulling off again, and he wants to scream in frustration. “You seem pretty close. But there’s so much more to cover-“

“Next time,” he just about gets out through gritted teeth, “just show me _next time_.”

He finally gets enough of a grip of himself to open his eyes again, and Karma’s just sitting there watching him. Like he’s waiting for something. It’s not a position he ever thought he would see Karma in, on his knees with swollen lips, a hit of saliva at the corner of his mouth. He’s still looking up at him in a way he doesn’t know how to process, but he knows he won’t be able to erase from his memory any time soon.

“You want to get off already, huh?” There’s amusement in his tone, as though he’s making fun of him.

“I-I-“

Nagisa doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, because Karma moves suddenly, grabbing Nagisa’s legs and throwing them over his shoulders. He yanks him forward, so he’s almost lying flat on the sofa with Karma’s head right between his thighs, and goes down with so much intensity Nagisa can’t even think about what just happened. If he thought he was in control just then, he was clearly mistaken, because Karma _has_ him.

He manages to at least watch, when Karma elects to lick the length of him from his underside, his tongue strong and powerful enough to create satisfying friction. He locks eyes with him just one more time, before sucking just the head, digging his teeth in just a little and Nagisa can’t even warn him before he snaps.

The thing with pleasure and pain, equally, is that you can’t really remember how it feels until you’re in the midst of experiencing it. But, what Nagisa discovers right then, is that not all orgasms are equal. He thought the last time was strong, but it’s never taken him over as much as this. He sees completely white, and the next thing he knows, his ears are ringing and he can’t even feel his legs. That, and he wants to sink down into the sofa and never get up again.

He’s only capable of whining, when the feeling of Karma’s mouth is unpleasant with the sensitivity. Thankfully, he doesn’t torture him, and sets his legs back down so he can feel the floor. Nagisa blinks in confusion, wondering where the mess was, but then Karma grinned at him and licked his lips with devilish intention, and if Nagisa’s blood was anywhere other than in his crotch right then, he would have gone bright red at the display.

“Think you got that?”

Nagisa can’t even nod. His jaw just drops, in awe of how quickly Karma went from _that_ to his usual nonchalant self.

“Since I’m your teacher now,” he pulls himself to his feet, wiping his face with his shirt, “I should probably be responsible, right? So, _homework_.”

“H-homework?”

“Yeah,” Karma says, and then goes into a kind of deep thought. “Homework.”

Nagisa slightly comes back to himself. “S-shouldn’t I, uh, do you?”

Karma looks surprised. “You feel up to that? You look kind of… wiped out right now.”

“But-“

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, and sits beside him on the sofa, stretching out. “We’ll have a test next week, hm? Until then… you can practise.”

Nagisa has no idea what to say or think of that, but suddenly he’s all too aware of the chill of the air around him. He winces, before shifting so he can pull his underwear and trousers back on again. Still sensitive, it almost hurts a little, but it’s better than sitting naked in Karma’s apartment. Though, considering what they just did, nudity doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

“Okay,” he agrees, and somehow it feels like he just signed a contract.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

Just like that? Well, he supposes this arrangement doesn’t have to mean anything weird. Is it even a proper arrangement? Maybe they should discuss it more… But, Karma can still teach him about sex kind of things, whilst they maintain their normal friendship. Is this going to be a regular thing? Nagisa doesn’t even know, but the prospect of next week is a slightly scary one.

“Yeah,” he suddenly feels calm, though he can barely wrap his mind around what just happened. “Whatever’s on.”

Karma cleans back, picking up the TV remote as he flicks through the channels, eventually finding something he likes the look of. Nagisa doesn’t think too much about it, just glad for external noise to fill the apartment. He still has hours to go, before his last possible train, and he’s not jumping to leave right away, as much as he wants to go home and think on it some more.

“Did I tell you about what my co-workers did this week? It’s worse than last time.” 

This is _normal_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, poor poor Nagisa. 
> 
> Hashima isn't a real place in Tokyo, I just combined the names of two neighbourhoods (near where I live, actually) which had a similar vibe to what I was imagining the place to be like. A lot of places I mention will be real, though! Yes, the morning train sucks ass.


	3. Lesson Three (fish fish fish)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa does some research on blowjobs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back bitches

Nagisa’s a good student. He’s always taken his education very seriously, and especially now that he’s a teacher, he knows that certain tasks are set for a reason and he would do nothing to dispute that. However, he feels just a little bit out of his league with this. He sits there, prepared with his notebook and laptop on the desk in front of him, web browser already opened up in incognito mode.

He cringes, and types in the address of the only porn site he knows.

Immediately his eyes are assaulted with naked bodies and neon orange t. He almost wants to coil away and shield his vision. But, with this arrangement, he knows he signed up to do that and worse with Karma. Maybe if there weren’t so many _breasts_ jiggling right in his face. It was _obnoxious_. Still, he soldiers on, knowing at least that these kind of sites have filters.

He clicks on the categories tab, and frankly he’s a little concerned at some of the names. He tries to look over them, though, eventually finding the safety of the word ‘blowjobs’. That’s pretty much the goal, so Nagisa winces again before clicking. There’s still an unsettling amount of breasts, but there’s also some close up penises in the mix now. He’s not entirely sure that’s a good thing.

Nagisa knows he can’t be picky here, so he clicks on the first video, creatively titled _’18 year old w/ huge tits gets cum shot’_. It starts right in the middle of the action, at least, and from the angle it’s clear the guy is holding the camera himself. It’s focused on the woman, large pink lips stretched almost comically wide around his penis.

“You like that baby? You like the way I suck your big hard cock?”

Do people actually get off to this? Nagisa’s actually glad Karma didn’t say anything like that to him. Well, his mouth had been a little busy… Not that it’s bothering the woman in the video, clearly. The idea of saying something like that… Nagisa’s not sure he’s capable of it. Definitely not capable of doing it whilst giving a blowjob.

He’s not doing this for _fun_ , though, so he grips his pen with vigour and attempts to write _something_. She definitely seems to be going for speed, in fact her bobbing is kind of frantic, her expressions completely lewd. Nagisa wonders if that’s an important factor, facial expression. He remembers how _hot_ it made him feel, when Karma was staring up at him. He looked nothing like _this_ woman, though.

She’s almost erratic where Karma was kind of… sensual. Maybe some people like it like this. The gears in Nagisa’s mind start to spin, though. Karma probably just showed him the way _he_ liked it, that’s what makes the most sense to him at least. So maybe watching this kind of thing isn’t really that helpful anyway.

“I want it in my pussy-“

Nagisa clicks off the video immediately. An unpleasant chill goes through his body, and he can only call it ‘shame’. The truth is, Nagisa’s not really a porn kind of guy. The idea of it hadn’t ever really appealed to him anyway, but even if it _had_ , with how strict his mother was, there was no way he would have gotten away with watching it as a teenage boy. And now he’s older… there’s more important things on his mind.

He still feels like he needs more instruction, though. Perhaps a porn website isn’t the right place. Visual learning can be good… but he knows it’s not really genuine. He doubts anyone is there for much more than a paycheque. So book learning, then. Back to basics. Since Nagisa’s internet history is already destroyed forever, it almost doesn’t matter when he types ‘how to give a blowjob’ into the search bar.

Nagisa’s not sure if ‘googling it’ was the route Karma had been intending him to take, but what worked _worked_ , right?

Admittedly, he’s not quite sure about some of the articles that pop up either. He scrolls a little, before his eyes set on something. _Wikihow_. Sure, it might not be the most glamorous of all websites, but as general advice goes it’s a pretty good option. It doesn’t seem like much of the information is being blown out of proportion for spectacle.

As Nagisa reads through it, some things definitely make sense to him, given what he knows having experienced it. This is what he needs, a break down of points, and without the awful overbearing moaning, it’s easier to write his notes. Honestly, it actually seems not that difficult. Just a suction kind of motion… plus some of the other stuff Karma showed him like kissing and licking.

There’s two things that stand out to Nagisa. One of those things is the constant insistence of no teeth, a constant even when he clicks through a couple of other articles. A small amount of shame washes over him. If anything, that had been the _best_ part. Maybe he’s some kind of sexual freak or deviant. Even _Karma_ said it didn’t feel good… so he won’t be trying it.

The second thing is this: _gag reflex_.

It’s the biggest problem he could probably think up independently, too. He’d only seen Karma naked that first time, and he hadn’t been thinking it then, but he’s not confident he can _fit it_ in his mouth. He stares at himself in the mirror for a moment, opening it like he’s trying to impersonate a fish. It doesn’t really look like peak sexiness.

Maybe he should just call it quits. But that doesn’t sit quite right with Nagisa at all. He is _not_ a quitter. But he _is_ going to need to do something about this. Technique won’t really help him if he’s not sure he can get it all in. Clearly, that’s leading to one thing. He needs practise. But, well, he can’t exactly do that effectively.

Nagisa closes his notebook. There’s only so much he can do in one day, otherwise his brain will be overwhelmed. He’s honestly confused about what he’s so worried for… Karma’s been clear that he knows just how inexperienced Nagisa is.

It does start playing on his mind, though.

As much as Nagisa relies on meals he can buy from the konbini, he does still have to buy normal food at the actual supermarket too, every now and then. He doesn’t have any kind of normal grocery schedule, but it always seems to land around the latter part of the week. Honestly it’s not the most interesting shopping ever, considering the contents of his basket are currently rice, a bag of frozen gyoza, and a tube of mayonnaise. He’s beside the fish counter, debating if he should just eat some premade sushi for dinner, when he hears it.

_“Fish, fish, fish  
If you eat fish   
Your head, your head, your head,   
Your head will become good.”_

He frowns, the upbeat music almost hurting his ears. Nagisa’s far too young to be bitter with life, and he loves his job and his students, but after a long day at work it’s a little too overwhelming and cheerful. It also doesn’t help that it seems to be coming from a stereo made in the nineties, and at maximum volume. He retreats to vegetable and fruit section, before his ears start to hurt, though he’s not unaware that it’s kind of stuck in his head now.

Maybe he eats a few too many ready made meals, but Nagisa’s definitely not unhealthy. Actually, he would usually have gone for the fresh food first, since it’s in the of the shop, but he’d had to turn his head away in shame and go right to the other side. 

To put it simply, they all look kind of like penises.

He’d utterly failed at keeping his research out of his head. If anything, the more he tries not to think about it, the more it’s on his mind. He’s not sure he’s ever going to be able to eat a cucumber again, without thinking about it. Had he really gone through his life without realising how so many things were phallic shaped?!

He gets a horrific idea, though, one that worms its way into the back of his mind. If he needs practical practise, and can’t use a _real_ one, and there’s something right here that looks - at least in his brain right now – like a perfectly good substitute… Nagisa can’t believe he’s really thinking about doing this, but what other choice does he have?

Nagisa stares at his options. The carrot is perhaps more appropriately themed, but the cucumber is bigger in both senses. It’s not like he stopped to take a measurement of how big Karma is, but it’s definitely not carrot sized. But… the cucumber looks so intimidating. He can’t exactly ask the shop staff which vegetable most accurately represents a penis so he can practise not choking to death before the weekend, though.

Before he dies of embarrassment right then and there, he tosses a classic bunch of bananas into his basket and doesn’t look back. They look _about_ the right size, but Nagisa had been distracted at the time. He hadn’t had a chance to really measure it. Not that he wants to. That just seems… embarrassing to say the least.

Buying a bunch of bananas isn’t exactly what qualifies as strange activity, Nagisa knows, but he feels guilty when the cashier’s handling them. As though she can read his mind and tell exactly what he’s planning to do with them. She doesn’t say anything, though, aside from asking if he has a point card (he doesn’t, but he’s been meaning to get one. Not today, though).

He puts the bananas in the kitchen sink when he gets back home, vowing to wash them thoroughly before he does anything with them. Also, it helps that they’re out of sight, though he can’t stop thinking about it as he eats dinner, and after too once he’s had a shower and changed into his pyjamas. Nagisa wonders, if he’s _this_ nervous now, how is he going to survive their lesson?

He sits in front of the mirror again, since he’s established that facial expression is important. May as well try and hone both skills at once. It feels ridiculous, but he’s comforted by the open notebook at his side. A reminder that this is only for _academic purposes_. If only he’d had the chance to write stuff down whilst Karma was demonstrating it…

Nagisa takes the end of the unpeeled banana into his mouth. Even though he’d washed it well, it tastes kind of gross. Then again, he’s pretty sure doing this for real isn’t going to taste pleasant, either. The _girth_ of it isn’t uncomfortable, exactly, and it’s not like his mouth is stretched beyond its limits. He takes that as a positive sign, before working it in.

It feels like he expected it to, honestly. There’s a slightly heavy weight on his tongue, and trying to fold his lips over his teeth like the Wikihow article told him to feels a little awkward and difficult. He perseveres, though, until he feels very uncomfortable. With dismay, he realises that the banana isn’t even that far in yet. He’s barely even gone half way!

Nagisa pushes it further, before a horrible feeling crawls up his throat and he just about manages to pull it out in time for him to splutter and joke. Yes, he realises, the gag reflex really is no joke. It’s not like Nagisa’s ever purposely tried to make himself throw up before, especially like that, but it really doesn’t feel comfortable. It’ll be embarrassing if he throws up on Karma’s dick.

From what he’s read, the art of ‘deep throating’ is something gained by practice, and isn’t even necessary to give a good blowjob. But, Karma did it to him, and he feels a little competitive. Unfortunately, the more he tries, the quicker he feels the urge to hurl. Even when he looks up a couple of techniques, they don’t help that much. Squeezing his thumb doesn’t seem to do anything, and when told to ‘think of something else’, the only thing he can think of is ‘ _fish, fish, fish, if you eat fish…’_.

So maybe that’s for a later date, but there’s other things he needs to try. And maybe it needs to come from himself, this time. _What_ had been so hot about it? He lets the banana go in disgrace, and flops down onto his bed. The clearest thing he can think of is the simplest one: Karma looked like he was having a good time, like he was enjoying it. Physically it had felt incredible, but it was the way he’d looked at him that had Nagisa’s toes curling.

Even at the memory, Nagisa feels something stir in his lower stomach. Can he really do this? He ends up turning to his side, unwilling to face the reality of being turned on right now. There’s too much to worry about, and his stomach is all in knots. He decides to try and get some sleep, at least, and deeply tries to remind himself that there’s more going on in his life than just _this_.

Unsurprisingly, he feels nervous on his way over to Karma’s place. This time, he _knows_ something’s going to happen. There’s no denying that in less than an hour, he’ll probably have Karma’s erection in his _mouth_. Of course he’s freaking out a little. For once, he’d actually managed to find a seat on the train, so he’s sitting, elbows tight with his phone in front of his eyes, as he tries to give some of the articles one last look over. Nagisa can hardly believe he’s actually cram studying.

He’s almost glad he is, though, when he reads what’s practically in small print. This particular article isn’t exactly well structured advice, it’s more of a collection of comments given by random people, but one sticks out to him: ‘ _In terms of the tongue, it’s really not that different to kissing. Too much is bad, but if you’ve mastered the skills that come with that already, you’ll be able to drive him crazy._ ’

Kissing, huh? Kissing he knows he can do, though admittedly he might be a little rusty considering how long it’s been. Nagisa had been completely embarrassed about it at the time, but he’d actually outscored Karma in Bitch Sensei’s weird test. Now he’s a teacher, he’s more than aware that ‘kiss testing’ isn’t and should not be a thing, but hey, _nothing_ about his education in 3E was typical.

“Hi,” he says far too quickly, when Karma opens the door.

He looks a little taken aback. “Hey-“

Nagisa tries to hold his nerve, and steps into Karma’s apartment, sliding his shoes off immediately. It seems like Karma hasn’t done anything hugely productive with _his_ day off, since he’s dressed in highly casual loungewear. Or maybe he just doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinion. Knowing Karma, it really could be either.

“Let’s go then-“

“Do you want a drink-“

They manage to say, at the exact same time. Does Nagisa sound too excited or something weird? He’s not trying to be, but he wants to get this awkward part over as soon as possible. Nagisa’s never been one for small talk, and he doesn’t think Karma is either. Besides, alcohol probably isn’t going to help his potential throwing up problem.

Karma just laughs lightly. “Okay then. Eager, huh, _Nagisa~_?”

He tries his best not to flinch and turn bright red. It’s ridiculous, they’re both adults here… He’s used to Karma’s teasing, but this time it makes him feel self conscious. It had been fun, last week, after they’d just relaxed and watched a movie. This nervous build up… it’s even stronger than it had been all week. At least Karma doesn’t waste time, directing him past the living room and straight to the bedroom.

The bedroom feels more formal, somehow. But so does this entire situation, now that there’s clear _intent_ involved. Nagisa’s aware that the both of them know exactly what’s about to happen. Karma’s room, when he slides the door open, is relatively tidy. It looks like documents from work have been dumped unceremoniously in the corner, and of course there’s a bunch of random stuff strewn around ( _apparently_ they’re organised), but at least the bed is made.

They both sit down on it, and the air between them is strange. Maybe it was easier, when he didn’t know what’s about to happen between them. Well, the only thing Nagisa can do is look ahead, lock onto his target and go for it. Unfortunately, his target happens to be hidden by Karma’s trousers right now. He should fix _that_.

Unable to stand the silence anymore, Nagisa gets to his feet and turns, right in front of where Karma’s sitting, as he sinks down to the floor. He feels even more nervous, as he looks up at Karma like that, but now he knows he has to go through with it.

“You should take these off,” he says, eyeing the trousers.

Karma complies without argument, hooking his thumbs underneath the waistband to pull both them and his underwear off. He shimmies them down his legs easily, before kicking them completely off, discarded. Nagisa swallows deeply, feeling tiny once again even though Karma’s the one exposed right now.

He can’t help staring at _it_. Nagisa hasn’t done anything yet, but it’s already hardening up. Perhaps he should be complimented by that, if only the nerves weren’t growing by the second. From this angle at least, it _does_ look pretty big to him. _It_ , too, appears to be growing, as if he’s not intimidated enough. Now’s as good a time as any, he figures, and shifts forward.

“Wait,” Karma says. “We should get a condom.”

Nagisa frowns. “Why? You didn’t use one.”

Karma’s hand rubs down his face. “I probably should’ve, though. You should still use protection… for STDs and stuff.”

He tilts his head. “Are you saying you have an STD?”

“No!” He says, perhaps fast enough that Nagisa might have been suspicious if the context was different.

“It’s fine, then?” He gives Karma a curious look.

It twitches. _Huh_.

“It’s _fine_. Are you sure about this?” Karma asks, which seems like a strange question since Nagisa’s already down on his knees.

Nagisa blinks in response. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

It looks as though Karma’s restraining himself, which leaves Nagisa pleased in an odd primal sense. He makes sure he’s standing on his knees, before moving forward. His erection is close, now, and he _knows_ he has to just go for it.

“You should always ask…”

Nagisa grips him, then, with more confidence than he ever thought was possible. “Can I go now?”

“Y-yes. _Yes_.”

He doesn’t waste his time. According to all of Nagisa’s research, it’s best to start with teasing, to work his way up with the pleasure. That’s what Karma did to him too, building and building. For some reason, though, Nagisa doesn’t want to do that. Ideally, he wants to sweep Karma off his feet, to take him out completely, if he’s even capable of doing that.

So, Nagisa decides to go for it, taking him as deeply as he can. Admittedly, the angle is different and a little more difficult than his practise, but it’s not long before the same uncomfortable feeling grows in the back of his throat. Shamefully, he definitely doesn’t have it all in his mouth, but this is what he did extra reading for! He makes up the rest of the space with his hand, and tries to focus on making sure he can still breathe before his first attempt at suction.

Karma gasps, when he does it, and Nagisa almost feels glee. He decides to take it one step further, giving his head an experimental bob. There’s a lot to think about, actually, and he’s so focused on making sure he keeps his teeth in check that he can’t do anything _fancy_ , or really do anything about the way he looks, which he’d even established to _himself_ was important. He’s doing it, though. He’s definitely giving Karma a blowjob.

It doesn’t exactly feel romantic.

Not that he wanted it to! Or expected it to! Nagisa just… with the way that people talk so often about sex, he maybe thought there would be more to it. Karma’s erection is heavier than the banana was, and tastes somewhat better, too – not _good_ , though, it’s just like… extra salty skin. Not that Nagisa… often tastes skin. It’s no revelation, it’s exactly what he imagined it would feel like. Is it normal, to feel somewhat disconnected?

He does want to keep going, though. Mostly it’s for himself, but he kind of wants to prove that he can _do_ this. Also, it feels a little unfair that Karma so easily took him apart before. There’s a competitive spirit rising up within him. He doesn’t want to just give Karma an inexperienced sloppy barely passing _attempt_.

He’s pretty sure this _isn’t_ how Bitch Sensei had intended her techniques to be used (he tries not to think too much about her, though), but that one article does come back to him. The first stage he starts the next time he takes as much of Karma in as possible. Previously, his tongue had been flat, but he decides to try introducing it.

Karma doesn’t moan, or anything, but he’s pretty certain he breathes a little heavier. That’s good. Multitasking really is difficult, but he tries his best to incorporate his tongue as much as he can, and as he gets more used to it, he can concentrate on what he’s doing with it. He tries a few licking motions, dragging his tongue along the understand of Karma’s erection, which is finally rewarded with a groan kind of sound. That means it felt good, doesn’t it?

“Karma?” Nagisa pulls off. “Is it okay?”

Karma’s eyes contain the fire of a madman, when he finally looks up at him. “Don’t _stop_.”

Like a match held close to a candle wick, Nagisa lights up too. Distinct, deep heat blooms in his stomach. Karma sounds… desperate, and it’s not something Nagisa gets to see often. He’s not sure exactly why that’s turning him on, but he doesn’t have time to dissect it. There’s a new energy thrumming through him. He _wants_ to make Karma desperate, to make him call out and beg.

He elects to do _exactly_ what Karma did, and takes only the head between his lips. It’s a much more manageable size, and Nagisa can make proper use of his tongue. Granted, it really isn’t the same as kissing at all, but he figures he can apply the basic theory. Or, it appears he definitely can, because this time Karma practically writhes as moans.

He’s… enjoying this, actually. Nagisa hadn’t expected to, but it’s good. He finally gains the confidence to look up, and finds Karma’s gaze fixed right on him. It takes everything he has, but he holds his gaze with the next lick, wanting to read his reaction fully. Karma’s lips fall open and a heavy sigh/moan escapes. His fists, though, are clenched into the blanket as he tries to ground himself with something.

For once in his life, Nagisa feels kind of powerful and he’s _revelling_ in it. _He’s_ making Karma this way, all on his own. Nagisa finds, then, that he doesn’t have to morph his face to look like he’s enjoying it, he genuinely is. He’s pretty into it now, as he tries sliding more of the length inside again, but there’s still a part of him capable of feeling a little embarrassment about the sudden tightness of his trousers.

Nagisa’s concentrating too hard to do anything about it, so he just squeezes his thighs together for some relief as he attempts to speed up. Karma’s breathing seriously hard, now, and Nagisa’s starting to take note of what’s causing the strongest reaction. In fact, he decides he might _actually_ write it down, after this. So far, it’s definitely the licking motions, reminiscent of the kiss of death, that seem to be working the best. Karma straight up jolts, when he pays attention to the tip in particularly, so Nagisa assumes he’s pretty sensitive there.

As fun as it is, though, Nagisa’s jaw is starting to get a little sore. Also, with the added enthusiasm, the danger of choking starts to reappear. For a moment, Nagisa worries that it’s too much, but then a hand fixes in his hair and it feels _incredible_. Nagisa can’t help himself, not with the arousal already shooting through him, and he moans around Karma.

“ _Nagisa_ ,” Karma responds in kind.

He looks up at him, and his eyes are screwed shut, head properly tilted back. It’s almost a little vulnerable, and more than enough motivation for Nagisa to push through the slight pain and keep going with everything he has. He tries moaning again, and that seems to do the exact trick, his own toes curling up.

“C-close,” Karma chokes, pulling at his hair. “Nagisa-“

For a moment, Nagisa just keeps going, not really comprehending the meaning of the warning. But then, whatever small amount logic he has left within him wakes up, and he realises what Karma’s trying to tell him. If Nagisa doesn’t stop, Karma’s going to come right into his mouth. Through it all, that _isn’t_ something he’s prepared for. He doesn’t exactly have much of a chance to think about it, so he lets Karma’s erection slide out immediately.

Except, Nagisa happens to pull away literally as Karma starts to come. For just a split second, Nagisa gets to enjoy the fact that he got Karma off, the deep throaty moan he lets out music to his ears. But then the fires of hell itself start to burn in his eye, and he’s _blinded_. On top of that, there’s an unpleasant splattering sensation across his entire face.

Actually, Nagisa shrieks, because just half a second later and the pain is unbearable. He’s too afraid to even try and open his eye, in case it falls straight out or something. _This_ hadn’t been in any of the articles. Definitely not in the porn. He wishes he’d just swallowed it, surely that would have been better than the _burning_.

“Nagisa?” He hears Karma say, concern lacing his tone.

All he’s capable of producing is an extremely pained whimper.

“ _Oh_ ,” Karma seems to figure it out, then, and quickly grabs him by the arm, yanking him to his feet.

He’s still not brave enough to open his eye, so he lets Karma drag him, until he hears the sound of running water and his head is practically shoved down into the sink. He gets the idea of _that_ , at least, and finally opens his eye again. He’s horrified that there appears to be a film over his eye, completely distorting his view of the world.

Nagisa understands what he has to do, though, and starts desperately trying to rinse the eye out. The water does absolutely nothing to soothe the excruciating burning, though, if anything it’s still getting worse by the second. A slightly ironic voice in the back of his head reminds him that at the very least he’s definitely learnt _something_ today.

“I’m sorry,” Karma eventually says, and Nagisa’s vision has returned just enough to notice he’s redressed his lower half at least. “But, I _did_ warn you.”

He just groans in pain, he doesn’t want to hear it.

“Did you get it out?” Karma tries.

Nagisa turns off the tap and stands upright again. “It still hurts.”

“It’s _going_ to,” Karma holds out a wet cloth, but instead of handing it to him, he just wipes down the side of his face, and it _occurs_ to Nagisa that he probably got semen in more than just his eye. “Hold this on it,

“Might?”

Karma shrugs. “I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.”

They end up sitting down in the living room in awkward silence, with Nagisa pressing the compress to his eye. At least the living room sofa is much more neutral territory. He tries to think of something, _anything_ , to take his mind off the pain. For some horrifying reason, the only thing his brain can come up with is: ‘ _fish, fish, fish. If you eat fish…_ ’.

“It was pretty good other than that,” Karma eventually says. “Once you got into it. For your first time, anyway.”

“Thanks,” Nagisa responds, because honestly he has nothing else to say. At least he knows he did a good job.

Karma swallows. “I still think you need more practise though. And you really need to stop quicker, if I warn you like that.”

He puts the compress down, his eye still stinging but at least a little better. “Same time next week, then?”

Karma looks a little taken aback.

“What is it?”

“Your eye…”

Nagisa rushes back to the bathroom immediately, and stares hopelessly in the mirror. It’s honestly a little horrifying, to see just how _red_ his eye is. It looks like he just got punched, or else some kind of crazy infection. That’s not going to happen though, right?! He really should have read up more, because he feels completely out of his depth.

“How long will it stay?” He asks in a panic. He doesn’t want to go home like this, and he certainly doesn’t want to go to _school_ like this.

Karma has the nerve to laugh. “I don’t know. It’s never happened to me.”

“ _Huh_?” This isn’t common, then? Nagisa just screwed up?

“I usually just swallow,” Karma says nonchalantly.

 _Great_. Nagisa’s a little confused by that for a moment, though. He supposes it should have occurred to him, given the performance last week, that Karma’s definitely done this before. They don’t talk about their individual love lives. Or, well, sex lives. Nagisa knows that Karma dated some foreign exchange student guy for a bit during university, but he never met him.

Karma being into guys had been a really irrelevant fact in the back of his mind for a while. There hadn’t been any direct confession or anything like that, so Nagisa had just shrugged it off. He’d been too focused on his _own_ life. This is the first time he’s really thought about it, admittedly. Has Karma _ever_ been with a woman?

Nagisa knows it’s not the right time to ask, though. Honestly, he’s never considered himself as being into guys. But, he’s never been _into_ anybody. Logically, he knows he was turned on by this, and the last two times too. He’s not sure what that makes him.

“I can’t go out like this,” he chooses to say, rather than the torrent of strange emotions. He can unpack those _later_.

Karma looks at him funny. “I might have some sunglasses?”

It’s night time already, but looking kind of crazy seems better than looking _infected_. So he nods, and accepts his fate. At least, the sunglasses _are_ pretty nice. Karma has a highly paying job, he thinks, so he can afford nice things like this. Even if currently, they’re making him look absolutely ridiculous.

“Thank you for the lesson,” he says politely, because what else is there to say? “I’ll… do a lot better next time.”

Karma blinks. “Sure. I’ll see you.”

He holds the door open, and Nagisa practically scurries out. He’s sure the entire embarrassment of the situation _really_ will hit him the moment he gets home, when he’s alone. Thankfully, he knows he’ll be better off dealing with it alone, and the quicker that happens, the better.

“Wait,” Karma calls, sticking his head out of the door. “You passed.”

Perhaps it’s a little pathetic that Nagisa feels a small beam of joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do listen to [the fish song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIvkrudnaKU). They really do play it in Japanese super markets and it's catchy af.
> 
> Apologies for the delay! I went through a lot from moving country and stuff. Then I just wanted to finish TINSITOGS for good, but this fic should see more frequent updates from now on!


	4. Lesson Four (kiss kiss and do not fall in love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Karma and Nagisa have got this whole lesson thing down, Nagisa suggests throwing something new into the mix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha whoops it was a long time again huh

Nagisa’s breaths come out hard and heavy as he attempts to focus on what Karma’s doing. Specifically, Karma had told him earlier, that the goal was to watch him carefully. That’s why he’s sitting like this, between Karma’s legs, his back pressed against his chest. Karma’s head is resting on his shoulder, as his hands snake around his waist, slowly working his erection.

It’s too hard to concentrate properly, but Nagisa makes an effort. Their lessons have been going on for a little while now, and mostly it’s just been practise. Nagisa’s even confident that he’s pretty _good_ at handjobs, at this point. This is the most intimate it’s felt, how close they currently are, which is odd considering they’ve taken each other into their _mouths_. But somehow it feels different, all of Karma’s body pressed up against his.

“Ah,” Nagisa moans, leaning his own head back when Karma runs a thumb across the head of his erection.

“You’re sensitive there,” Karma states.

Everything feels heightened in this position. Instinctually, he wants to grab onto Karma in any way he can, to pull him closer. Instead, though, he just presses back into him, almost grinding his hips up into his hand. As he does so, though, Nagisa can feel something kind of suspect against his back. He grinds once more, as if to check, and he’s certain then that Karma’s also hard.

Everything makes a little more sense. Somehow, he still has the capacity for nerves to creep up though. Karma seems to have that effect on him. The truth is, they’d never done anything at the same _time_. They… took it in turns, and that worked well. Is working well. Somehow, the idea of one of them not being completely out of their mind is a little more comforting. But, strangely, Nagisa feels like this is kind of nice too. 

He tilts his neck, leaning into Karma’s touch as though he’s desperate for it. Perhaps he even is. Karma seems to get the idea, fixing his lips around a small area of his throat, and Nagisa _keens_. He didn’t realise he could be so sensitive right there, but Karma’s lips feel like molten. It’s certainly different to when he goes down on him, where all of the pleasure is fixated around his crotch, rather than this, far more akin to a whole body hum.

It’s not hard to admit to himself that he likes this more. 

Karma’s sucking against his skin, for a moment, before he pulls his lips off. “Sorry.”

“H-huh?”

“Might accidentally give you a mark or two,” he breathes against his ear. “You can’t show up to work like that. What would your students think?”

The embarrassment that washes over him is strange and unfamiliar. Nagisa can’t concentrate on it, though, because Karma takes him into his hand with even more vigour, and Nagisa rewards him with a moan that feels _heavy_. His other hand moves up under his shirt, towards his chest. Nagisa’s not really looking at that, so he’s taken by surprise when his thumb knocks against his nipple. He jolts, actually, because it’s more sensitive than he thought it could be.

“Stop moving,” he can practically feel Karma’s smirk against him.

Nagisa feels even more strange, though. He wants his lips on his neck again, mark or not. He wants more. He wants to grind against where Karma’s clearly hard. He wants him to squeeze his nipple more. He wants… he wants… he wants to turn his head and kiss him. He wants Karma’s lips to move firm against his.

“Karma-“ he gets out, before shooting all over his hand.

Like always, he works him through it, jerking him firmly until the moment where he gets just a little bit too sensitive, and bats his hand away. His breaths start to come heavy, though, and he slumps, head lolling against Karma’s shoulder. Mercifully, he doesn’t try to move him off straight away, instead letting him come down for a moment.

Eventually Nagisa’s brain catches up, and he shifts away from Karma, cringing at the sensation of his now sweat soaked shirt coming apart from him. Nagisa’s not entirely sure what to even say, for a moment. Usually that’s Karma’s job, separating their sex relationship from their normal friend one. It’s what they’d taken to. Everything was fine with this, so long as they could still hang out like normal. 

Nagisa gets the courage, addressing the elephant in the room. Or, well, it was more like a _trunk_ really. “You’re still…”

He looks down at his own trousers, as though he hadn’t realised. “Oh, yeah.”

He ends up getting him off with his mouth, which doesn’t take as long as usual. Maybe Nagisa’s just getting better at it, or maybe it was the stimulation from earlier, though Nagisa’s not sure how intense just shifting against him should feel. He thinks about suggesting it, but quickly gets distracted with the blowjob. There _is_ a lot to take into account, after all.

“Do you want to play a couple rounds of Nihon No Kenka Geemu?” Karma asks, as Nagisa wipes his spunk from his hand.

Whilst he pulls his discarded underwear up, he does consider it. Video games are good, natural territory for them. Usually Karma ends up winning, especially fighting games, but that’s mostly due to how well he remembers combo moves. Nagisa’s a little hopeless with that, even if his quick reflexes save him from time to time. Besides, spending time with Karma in their regular capacity makes him far more okay with their more recent developments.

Nagisa feels kind of gross, though.

“My back’s all sweaty,” he says, “after _that_. I should probably just go home and shower.”

“You can use mine if you want.”

Alarm bells start to ring. Shower? In Karma’s _house_?! Perhaps it’s a little ridiculous, considering he had him in his _mouth_ just a minute ago, but somehow that feels like crossing a line. Showering feels kind of intimate. That would mean cleaning himself where _Karma_ cleans himself every day, using _his_ soap?! Would he end up smelling like him too?! Nagisa doesn’t even like using the toilet in other people’s homes if he can avoid it.

“No!” He panics, and then takes a deep breath, reminding himself that Karma probably isn’t following his train of thought. “Actually, I set my students quite a large assignment last week, and it’s probably going to take all weekend to grade it. M-maybe next week, though?”

“Sure,” Karma looks unbothered. “Next week.”

Nagisa smiles to the best of his ability, and gets off Karma’s bed entirely. He’s fine, with this. He doesn’t need Karma to walk him out. In fact, he almost feels a little better when he doesn’t, when there’s no lingering. It’s easier for the both of them this way. Nagisa feels like he needs some fresh air, anyway, to clear his head.

Karma joins him out in the hallway, though, and clears his throat, an amused look upon his face. “You don’t want to leave without these.”

Horrifyingly, the balled up item Karma throws in his direction is his jeans. Meaning Nagisa was happily about to leave in nothing but his boxers. “Right! Thanks!”

At least Karma doesn’t say anything else, though he does watch him as he tries to get them on and pull them up, shuffling awkwardly to get them over his ass. There’s a _reason_ he usually wears cargo trousers. Karma doesn’t actually laugh at him, at least, during the process. He just lets him go, when he has them on, and Nagisa doesn’t look back to check if he’s still looking at him.

Yes, sitting on the train in this state makes him feel kind of disgusting, and yes, he collapses straight into bed after finally showering. It’s not unusual, he’s found, to be kind of exhausted after his sessions with Karma. But Nagisa’s not that fond of late nights, anyway. He’s always been more productive in the morning hours.

He wasn’t actually lying when it came to grading his students’ projects, even if he didn’t work on it directly after visiting Karma. He does spend the rest of his weekend on it, though, almost with a permanent frown on his face. Most of the work is pretty good, but he knows a few of his students are capable of more. Nothing horrendously bad, but he makes a note to talk to them about it during school hours. He knows everyone learns and improves at their own pace, but some seem to be lagging behind a little and it’s cause enough for concern.

He holds out until Thursday.

It’s just how things seem to go, now ‘sex class’ with Karma is a regular fixture in his life. He expects it, so he doesn’t spend the whole week bundled up with nerves over it. Not that he avoids them entirely, though. But two days out of his week isn’t so bad. And, it’s getting better! Most of the time it’s more of an anticipation, than actual _nerves_.

This time, though, feels different. This time Nagisa has one thing on his mind and it’s Karma’s lips. Considering everything else they’ve done, it really feels kind of stupid. But the thought was planted in Nagisa’s mind and now he can’t stop. Nagisa at least isn’t innocent to kissing, but he hasn’t kissed _Karma_ before. He doesn’t know what that’s like, but he most certainly wants to. If his lips would feel as soft against his as they do around his erection-

Something strikes him right then, though. Being taught about sex… that could technically be anyone. But right now… he’s thinking about Karma specifically. Nagisa already knows kissing. He doesn’t need to be shown how to do it. In fact, he even got a higher grade than Karma, back in 3E! It’s a little unnerving, actually, like suddenly his acceptance of their situation is being shifted out of alignment.

“Okay,” Nagisa addresses his class, trying anything to get it out of his head. “So today will be the final lesson on personal health. I asked you all to write down some anonymous questions, so we’ll just spend this period going through them.”

Nobody makes any gestures, so Nagisa just takes a deep breath and reaches for the first one.

“’Will my,” he chooses to omit the explicit word there, “ _penis_ fall off if I do it too much?’”

_This is going to be a long hour._

Admittedly, some of the questions are fair concerns. Once he gets into the swing of things, he doesn’t feel shy discussing them. If his arrangement with Karma has helped one thing, he’s definitely more comfortable with sex as a subject. Even if most of these questions are technical things he didn’t exactly need practical knowledge for.

“Is it really better to wait until marriage?” Nagisa reads his last question aloud. “Well, that’s a difficult one, and I think the answer changes depending on the person. Of course, pregnancy will always be a slight risk, so putting yourself in the most stable position is always a good idea. The most vital part of sex is trust,” he thinks through, “and trust comes in different stages. If you feel like you need to be married to trust someone enough with that part of yourself, then waiting might be best for you. If you feel that you trust someone after just weeks, as long as you’re sure and happy, then that’s okay too.”

Kawaguchi raises her hand. “What about love?”

“Love?”

She blinks. “Isn’t love the most important part of sex?”

Something goes over Nagisa, then, as though that’s some kind of revelation. Of course he knows just how many people have casual sex, and just how much love has nothing to do with it for them. If he said something like that to, say, Maehara, he’d probably just laugh in his face. Nagisa supposes _love_ might have been part of the reason he’s waited so long. But he doesn’t _love_ Karma. Maybe he lusts for him, at least a little. Maybe his perspective just… changed.

“Maybe for some people. You’re right,” he corrects, “The most important thing might change, depending on the person. But no matter what, trust is very important.”

And he does trust Karma, he thinks for a moment, when the bell mercifully rings and he can focus his attention to Maths. Although Nagisa’s totally capable of teaching it, maths was never his best subject, so he can’t exactly let his thoughts wonder, even if his class aren’t studying anything particularly complicated. Sometimes, their questions can lead places, strange tangents he struggles to explain properly. He knows _someone_ who would have an easier time with that. But he can’t think about it, because one of the students who sits on the front row has his hand up, ready.

“Yes, Akaba- _Akazawa_ kun?”

So maybe Karma’s more twisted up in his thoughts than he realised.

Akazawa doesn’t seem to notice, at least. “Sensei, I have a question about the last problem.”

He goes over to help him, explaining it again in a slightly different way. Akazawa’s math grades are actually pretty high, but he always seems to doubt and second guess himself. By instinct alone, he’s usually right the first time. Nagisa’s no person to criticise overthinking, though. At least Akazawa seems to get it.

Nagisa tries his very best to not think about _it_ for the rest of his workday, or on the way home. That would be easier, if everything didn’t seem to remind him of lips. On the train, he can’t stop _staring_ , as even the weirdest connects seem to strike him. The more he tries not to think about it, the stronger the image becomes.

Nagisa knows that kissing is a part of sex. And sex is where this _thing_ with Karma is leading, even if neither of them have officially said it. Karma hasn’t pushed for it yet, and Nagisa’s simply following him. Which means, inevitably, he’s going to have to kiss Karma at some point. Even the thought of it makes his stomach twist in ways that have become too familiar to him.

A part of Nagisa wonders if Karma’s broken his sex drive entirely. For him, it’s always gone between low to non existent. Usually, there were far more important things to think about than gratification. But Nagisa has a decent life now. Sure, he hopes he’ll get a more spacious apartment someday, and there’s a few habits here and there he could improve on. But everything else in his life is fine. He’s settled, and now he has time to slow down and want things.

And he wants to kiss Karma.

The realisation feels strange, as it washes over him during the short walk from the station to his building. He supposes, though, if kissing is a part of sex then it doesn’t have to be romantic. So long as it happens _during_ sex. Would it be so bad, if he kissed Karma before going down on him? Would Karma mind? Would he lean in or push him away?

He’s not hungry, when he gets into his apartment and closes the door behind him. Usually at this time, his stomach is a little ravenous, but instead there’s a strange mellow feeling that threatens to swallow _him_ whole. So, instead of pulling a sad packet of instant ramen from his cupboard, he instead steps lightly across the room and collapses onto his bed.

All Nagisa knows right then, for better or worse, is that he wants it to be the weekend already. Somehow, that’s the solution to the way he feels. A part of him challenges that he can’t exactly live like this forever, defining himself by their one weekly arrangement. Nagisa may not always be the best at understanding his own feelings, but he does know that.

It’s like Karma’s some kind of fix.

-Not that Nagisa knows what a ‘fix’ is _like_ , of course. Or an addiction. Nagisa has _never_ done drugs in his life, and he never intends to. For the record. He was taught better than that.

But this is what he imagines drugs might feel like. A part of him even likes it, the nervous flutters he’s feeling. What’s the matter with him? Nagisa blinks slowly, staring aimlessly up at the white ceiling. It would be easy enough, he thinks, to get lost here. He starts to wonder if he should put a poster up there or something just to take up the blank space. It almost feels like it’s moving.

But then Nagisa realises that no, it actually _is_ moving. His bed starts shaking pretty violently, and his phone starts to join in on the action, blaring an ugly high pitched alarm. Nagisa judges it for a few seconds, before deciding the earthquake isn’t strong enough to warrant jumping underneath his bed. He sits up, at the very least, as his bed slightly inches across the room.

He collects his thoughts, once the tremors come to an end. The quake wasn’t strong enough to break anything, at least. Looking over at his phone, the alert text simply informs him that there would indeed be an earthquake. Well, that had been obvious enough without the warning. It’s no big deal, though, and he pulls himself together enough to get up and right his bed, before actually starting to think about dinner. Perhaps the universe was sending him a sign.

When the weekend actually does come, however, Nagisa feels slightly nervous again. It’s like he doesn’t know what he’s doing again, and these thoughts… they might slip out if he’s not careful. Karma has a way of getting stuff out of him, of making him not think right. Perhaps there’s something the matter with him.

He forgets it all, though, when Karma opens his door. “Come in.”

“Thanks for having me,” he says politely, taking off his shoes.

Nagisa’s not sure why they always start out so formal. Really, it just feels like something they both do to feel safe, like a handshake before the veil drops. It’s without question, now, that Nagisa should simply walk to Karma’s bedroom and wait for instruction. Maybe that’s a little weird, but somehow that makes the flow of things better for him.

Or maybe this arrangement really is messing up their relationship after all.

“Karma,” he says instead, “I-“

“What?”

Karma’s not being short with him, though. If anything he just looks mildly confused. Nagisa stares up at him, searching his expression for some kind of tell. Even to this day, Karma’s always been one of the hardest people to read, since he keeps his emotions under such strict guard. Hard, but not impossible at the very least. His lips are parted, and Nagisa wonders if it would be difficult to reach them given the difference in their heights.

“I want to try something new,” Nagisa says. “U-unless there’s something you were planning today.”

Karma looks a little taken aback for a moment, but he soon recovers. “Sure. It’s up to you, anyway.”

Nagisa doesn’t really like that kind of power. He looks down, heat rising to his cheeks. This is the way they used to be, so many years ago, right at the start. Karma would take a step forwards, and Nagisa would follow right behind without question. Why would he question it, when he was lucky that Karma let him hang out with him in the first place? Nagisa knows he’s over that now, he doesn’t see Karma as a level above him in life. But when it comes to this kind of thing… Karma’s so far ahead.

“L-like last time,” Nagisa gets out, still blushing. A part of him rationalises that actually doing it might be a problem, if he can barely even speak about it. “Pressing our bodies together, I mean-“

“You mean grinding?” Karma has the nerve to laugh. “That’s so high school.”

Because Karma probably had those experiences in high school. Nagisa doesn’t resent him for it, otherwise they wouldn’t be _here_. They wouldn’t be doing this. Even though it’s clear Karma has plenty of experience, Nagisa doesn’t actually know how many. They’ve hung out at least once nearly every week since 3E, but somehow love lives never really got brought up, only mild jokes from Karma here and there. Something uncomfortable twists him at the image of Karma with someone else, though.

“I didn’t know,” Nagisa explains a little sheepishly.

Karma casually waves him off, though. “I mean, if you’ve never done it… It’s not like it never happens in foreplay.”

Foreplay. It’s in the word. Foreplay means that you intend to lead up to something more. Whilst Nagisa is pretty certain they’d talk more about it if he meant doing _that_ , mostly it’s just a reminder. Nagisa’s still very much a virgin, they’ve established that. At the very least, he still feels like one, despite everything they’ve done.

He follows Karma into the bedroom, sitting down somewhat coyly on the edge of his bed. Previous times, this was when Karma would drop down to his knees, swiftly prying his legs apart with his strong grip. At least unless Karma had something specific he wanted to say. Right now, he just stands there, like he’s making some kind of evaluation.

“Can you scoot back a little?”

He obeys, shifting so he’s more fully on the bed. Nagisa at the very least knows the theory of _grinding_ , and somehow it doesn’t feel like that’s about to happen. There’s something cold and measured about this, rather than the energy of fluid fumbling. Karma follows him, though, practically climbing on top of him and pushing him down by the shoulders, so that he’s lying flat.

“What are you doing?” Nagisa stupidly asks, before he can stop himself.

Karma blinks. “You kind of need to be lined up.”

This feels awkward. At least when it comes to the blowjobs and handjobs, there’s enough pleasure to distract him from the situation. Karma leaning over him feels _strange_. This would be easier if they were kissing, he thinks. Unfortunately, due to their difference in height, Karma trying to line up their crotches means there’s no chance that could happen, even accidentally.

Karma’s looking down at him, though, before instead rolling off. “You didn’t really want to do _that_. There’s something else.”

“Huh?” Nagisa sits up too, somehow feeling a little defensive. “But we didn’t do anything yet.”

“I’m not going to,” he replies casually, looking at the wall instead of him. “You looked uncomfortable. Shaking isn’t much of a turn on.”

Sure, maybe has a lot on his mind. Or maybe Karma’s right. Something makes him feel good, in the tone of Karma’s voice. He won’t push him, if he doubts that Nagisa actually wants it. But maybe Nagisa does need to be pushed. At least just a little bit. He knows this shouldn’t be complicated at all.

Nagisa finds himself reaching out, his hand meeting his arm. “Karma,” he says, “I trust you with my body.”

“I know,” Karma muses. He’s practically leaning back against the headboard.

“But I still don’t know what I’m doing, with this kind of stuff,” he admits. “I… _want_ you to tell me what to do.”

Weird. Nagisa hadn’t even internally thought that through, before blurting it out. Maybe that’s the solution here. He needs to just stop thinking at all. Maybe having Karma lead the way through it isn’t a bad thing at all. If Nagisa really means that he trusts him, then that makes sense in some kind of way.

Karma looks him over. “Come over here then.”

He’s still not telling him exactly what he wants, but Nagisa decides to take at least a bit of initiative. He rolls forwards onto his knees, the mattress shifting under him. He continues, though, too late to back out now as he swings one leg over Karma’s, so that he’s basically sitting in his lap. Karma doesn’t stop him, only moves his arm to accommodate him better. At least here, their faces are more equally matched.

“I can’t tell you what to do without knowing what you _want_ ,” Karma says. “So just do it.”

Like his words are some kind of spell, Nagisa darts closer before he can stop himself, and plants one on Karma’s lips. Nagisa should rightfully feel experienced in this surprise kiss thing, but if anything he’s at a loss. It feels like a static shock, when they actually connect. Nagisa finds himself pulling away immediately, as though that was some kind of punishment for entering a territory he shouldn’t have.

“That’s all you wanted?” Karma tilts his head.

Though Nagisa can at least tell he’s not teasing him, he still starts to feel embarrassed over it again. Logically, he understands it shouldn’t be much of a big deal, all they’re doing is touching one body part together. It _shouldn’t_ feel like more than just that, more intense than sucking him off, really. The only argument Nagisa can come up with is when it comes to that at least, he actually has experience, it’s not completely new to him. Therefore he understands it better.

“I wanted to try it,” he finally says. “I thought kissing was a part of sex, after all.”

Karma half chuckles. “You had higher grades than _me_ , back in class.”

“Don’t remind me!” Fresh heat rushes to his face. “The one time I get top grades…”

His hand slides up, then, sweeping across Nagisa’s cheek and through his hair, before eventually landing at the back of his head. Nagisa can’t resist him, as Karma pulls him in close, back in to kiss him again. Since he doesn’t immediately pull back this time, Nagisa actually gets to experience it. Not that this is a heart racing passionate kiss or anything.

It feels different to when he kissed Bitch Sensei. That had been so intense it was uncomfortable. And with Kayano, he hadn’t really been thinking about the kissing part, just the quickest technique to knock her out so that Korosensei could remove her tentacles. There was no really thinking about what the kiss meant.

Karma’s leading him, but not aggressively. And he’s right, Nagisa at least does know how to do this. He knows the right way to follow, to tilt his head, to move his lips. Soon enough, though, he stops thinking about what he’s doing. Technique, the perfect responses, they all seem to fade away from him. He presses closer into Karma, growing bolder as he just does what he wants.

Karma’s other hand slides against his waist, which is as good a reminder as any about what they’re actually doing. The growing buzz within him is different to that of the plain pleasure he’s become used to experiencing. Something about this is more like… anticipation. Kissing Karma is definitely a nice feeling, he concludes, and he wasn’t wrong for spending so much time wanting it.

He gasps into the kiss, when Karma’s hand actually works its way under his shirt. It’s a reminder that they’re not supposed to just be making out here. Karma seems to remember that right then too, because that’s when he decides to deepen the kiss and add tongue. Nagisa technically knows how to respond to that, but it takes him by surprise and he feels like he’s melting.

There’s a certain kind of energy building between the two of them and Nagisa doesn’t know what to do with it. He keens forward, though, so that his chest is pressing right up against Karma’s. Apparently that was the signal to take a small break, because Karma shifts his head back, taking a deep breath. Before Nagisa’s mind even has a chance to wander, however, his other hand moves down too, and before Nagisa really knows what’s happening, Karma’s tugging his shirt off.

He doesn’t feel cold in the slightest, even with that extra layer gone. He does find himself leaning forward, though, and capturing Karma’s lips again. He complies, and Nagisa figures out on his own that maybe he should repeat the action. Boldly, he digs his own hands under Karma’s shirt, and starts to pull it off. It’s actually a little harder than it looks, but Karma assists him, raising his own arms. Somehow Nagisa doesn’t think twice about leaning in to kiss him again, rather than pausing to admire his bare chest.

“Good?” Karma breaks to ask.

“Mm,” he gets out. “Is this-“

Karma sighs a little dramatically. “Relax on your knees a little. Here-“

It feels odd, being manoeuvred like this, but Nagisa lets him do it. Karma’s hands actually focus on his ass, squeezing his flesh through his trousers so that he lowers down, actually on Karma’s lap this time. It doesn’t feel like some kind of life altering incredible pleasure, but Nagisa doesn’t dislike the position. If anything, it’s more the context of it, what it could lead to.

“Is that what you wanted?” Karma says, though not aimed anywhere.

“It just feels uncomfortable,” Nagisa admits, his erection, which had slowly come to life, straining as it’s trapped inside his trousers. “Should we take them off?”

Karma shrugs. “You’re the boss.”

Nagisa actually has to raise himself up again for that. Actually, trying to maintain their position turns out to be impossible, so he awkwardly climbs off as they mutually attempted to discard their trousers and underwear. It’s just a tiny bit of a mood killer, in all honesty, but Nagisa feels an extra buzz of excitement at the fact that they’re both mutually completely naked.

His body feels hot, when he climbs back on top of him again. Almost like a fever, and Nagisa’s out of it. Kissing Karma feels good, but with the absence of clothes and any other barriers, he’s pressed right up against him. Nagisa’s own erection presses up against Karma’s stomach, and he finds his breaths growing heavy with the sensation.

Now that kissing is introduced, Nagisa can’t think everything through at all. If he chooses to concentrate on their kiss, then he can hardly control the rest of his body. That’s a lost cause as it is, it turns out, because the friction makes his hips jump. Karma’s hands go back to his ass, and Nagisa even groans into the kiss when he squeezes.

It doesn’t take long for Nagisa to experiment with movements. It doesn’t directly feel as good as a hand or mouth, but just like before it’s elevated with the excitement their position brings, the closeness. Thinking about it, Nagisa might even say he prefers this to the other stuff. His mind can’t go anywhere but in this moment.

“Use your hips more,” Karma instructs. 

He does. And Karma’s right, as to be expected. When Nagisa experiments with twisting and grinding his hips, it does start to feel really good. Karma’s own erection brushes up against his, and Nagisa wonders if it feels the same to him. They can’t really kiss properly anymore like this, but somehow he’s okay with that, the two of them breathing together as small noises escape from their throats.

As Nagisa shifts himself on top of Karma, he starts to wonder if this is what sex is really like. Nagisa at the very least is aware of the more popular sex positions, even if he’d have no idea about them practically, so he knows that this is one. Though neither of them… has anything inside them. That thought weirdly heats him up more, but he swiftly tucks it away. It’s certainly different, getting off together at the same time.

Every caresses of Karma’s hands threatens to make him squirm and shatter. He seems casual about it, though, moving his own hips at Nagisa’s face, brushing his hands up his arms, and down the length of his back, before finally stopping at Nagisa’s waist. For a moment, the clench of his fingers feels good, but Nagisa swiftly realises that he’s actually trying to still him.

“Is it wrong?” Nagisa knows his voice is strained, and he can’t focus well enough to figure out if there’s something off in his expression.

“ _No_ ,” Karma says a little carefully. “Just, do you want to try it another way?”

Nagisa blinks. “Sure. Show me.”

Karma grips him firmly, before rolling them, tipping him onto his back like he’d tried to earlier. Even if they can’t kiss like this, the atmosphere is completely different now. Karma braces himself on his forearms, before leaning down and grinding their crotches together. This position allows him to do it harder, Nagisa gets that now, and he can’t say he wants to complain.

In fact, Nagisa tosses his head back, embarrassingly spreading his legs so Karma has an easier time slotting himself between them. Everything’s steaming up now, and _wow_. With the way Karma’s moving against him, it’s pretty much like thrusting, and Nagisa surprisingly doesn’t hate it. No, he just lets his toes curl up and goes along for the ride.

“Feel up to trying something?” Karma’s voice is more strained this time.

Nagisa attempts to look at him. “S-sure.”

He pauses his momentum. “Wrap your hand around us.”

The width of both their lengths is more than Nagisa’s used to holding, but he makes his best attempt at it, hissing at the extra heat. Karma nods, seemingly satisfied, and Nagisa starts to get it. Actually, it takes a surprising amount of coordination, to attempt to jerk them off at the same pace as Karma’s movements. It feels good, though, better than what they were doing before.

Karma’s erection sliding directly up against his, encased in just his hand… Nagisa can feel everything like this. They’re both leaking precum at this point, so it’s definitely slick enough. It does feel a little strange, _good_ _strange_ , being pressed together. Nagisa’s hips start grinding back into it, and though he can’t feel every single detail, Karma’s twitches and pants of exertion begin to satisfy him.

“C-close,” Nagisa warns, something he’s been taught to do by now.

Since he actually has most of the control over the situation, he can’t really prevent his own hand from speeding up. Of course, it’s much easier to thoughtlessly obey the whims of his own body. But he’s doing those things to Karma too, by default. Karma doesn’t seem to mind at all, supplying him a few groans here and there, to remind him he’s at least enjoying this.

Nagisa can’t help it when that band finally snaps and comes loose. He tosses his head back with a throaty moan, his hand speeding up to work him through it. Only when it gets too much, and his hand comes to a pause, does he realise that Karma stopped moving entirely. He’s still braced over him, though, looking down at him in a way that Nagisa might have to unpack later.

A spark of determination goes through him. Though he lets go of his now quickly softening length, Karma’s still most certainly hard. So hard it almost looks a little painful. Not stopping to think about the fact that his hand is covered in his own release for more than a half a second, Nagisa pushes through his own sudden exhaustion to grip him.

Karma actually whines, when Nagisa gets to work on jerking him the way he at least understands by now that Karma likes. He’s had plenty of practise and feedback on it already. It seems Karma was already pretty close himself, at least, because Nagisa’s arm is only slightly aching by the time he actually comes himself, collapsing on top him once he’s done.

At least Karma gains the courtesy, after catching his own breath, to roll off him so that he’s again at his side. Nagisa’s thankful for that, since Karma is a lot bigger and he would be a bit concerned about his lungs getting crushed. The static energy from earlier returns, then, buzzing all the way through his legs and down to his toes. He decides it’s pleasant.

Nagisa knows right then that he’s kind of disgusting. His hair is all messed up from Karma’s hands, his lips must be kind of swollen, and he’s definitely covered in sweat. Not to mention the evidence of their activities, starting to dry across his torso. He’d be really grossed out by that, but at least in that moment he couldn’t bring himself to care. No, instead, he’s weirdly at peace, which is a far cry from how they’d started this session.

If this is what sex feels like, then Nagisa decides he might be ready. If it means he can be close to Karma again like that, then he _wants_ it.

“Pass,” Karma says.

Nagisa twists his head to look at him. “Huh?”

Karma just hums. “No further feedback needed. You did fine.”

Well of course. These are only lessons, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you are. 
> 
> Hey, two sex scenes for a chapter is pretty fun, right? .
> 
> Admittedly, I got really busy writing my final term papers. And guess what, I have to finish my big bang fic, so it'll probably be ANOTHER break before I update again lmao. Well, until next time anyway~


	5. Lesson Five (feeling)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma and Nagisa experiment with finding each other's weak spots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay ay

Nagisa’s eyes focus on the ceiling.

Karma’s apartment is pretty standard, so it’s really nothing special. He kind of wishes that there was texture there, or something to keep his mind distracted. Instead, it’s just solid white, but it’ll do for now. The thing is, Nagisa’s worried that if he actually concentrates, everything will start to feel too good. It’s already started to be an issue for him.

Currently, Karma’s lips trace his stomach, and his hand runs along his right shin. He tries not to squirm, but it tickles a little. He just keeps going lower and lower, and a part of Nagisa wonders if he intends to eat him whole. Karma’s face is obscured by his hair, but every now and then, as he twists his neck, Nagisa catches a self satisfied smirk on his face.

This lesson had seemed simple enough, when Karma suggested it. It’s his belief that you should make an effort to learn where your partner’s the most sensitive, if you intend on being with them more than just once. He and Karma have long since passed that threshold. Nagisa supposes he’s been doing that anyway, paying attention to the things Karma likes, but never specifically.

“Hah,” he lets out, when Karma’s teeth scrape against his hip bones.

Nagisa’s learning a lot about his own body too. The first is that he likes teeth all over, apparently. He’s embarrassed by that, the idea of having a ‘fetish’ or something, but if anything it just seems to spur Karma on. His teeth remain in location, but he closes his lips around the area and sucks. Nagisa doesn’t mind the sensation, though it’s not the most sensitive for him.

He hadn’t realised just how complicated bodies could be. He’d freaked out a little earlier, when Karma started to play with his chest. Nagisa had wrinkled his nose at it, _because he’s not a girl_ , even though Karma insisted it could feel good regardless. It had just felt a little uncomfortable, really, and Nagisa’s still not sure about it. Maybe he’s being too in his head. But everything else feels a combination of good and _great_.

Though he doesn’t consciously mean to, he ends up spreading his legs a little as Karma shuffles lower, giving him more room. Predictably, Karma decides to ignore his now straining erection all together, paying far more attention to his thighs. Nagisa didn’t realise, before this, that his _legs_ of all things would be a sensitive place for him. But Karma’s lips suck against his inner thigh, and he can practically feel warm blood rushing southwards.

Karma has to pin him down somewhat, because the squirming is getting worse. Embarrassingly, Nagisa doesn’t actually mind the feeling of his strong hands holding him down on the mattress. The pressure is kind of nice, and though he knows he doesn’t exactly want to be bossed around, there’s a part of him that likes being told what to do.

“Do you want to turn over?” It’s a gentle question, at least.

Nagisa hesitates though. He really does trust Karma with his body, he knows that, but he still feels shy. At least facing each other, Nagisa can keep an eye on what Karma’s doing. Behind him, though, Nagisa really is handing himself over. A thrill does go through him, though. He shakes as he does it, but he turns over onto his hands and knees.

Immediately it feels weird, certainly exposed. Karma doesn’t hesitate though, and leans over him, lips on the back of his neck. As it turns out, his back actually is pretty sensitive. Nagisa arches into it, as his hands rake down his spine, but it still feels a little weird. Although he’s definitely a little uncomfortable, it’s not so bad that he needs to stop, so he tries to stick with it.

Karma’s hands run from down his spine, and then unashamedly squeeze his ass. Nagisa tenses a little, unsure of what he’s going to do, though he trusts that Karma wouldn’t just spring something on him. He’s cautious, at least, as his hands move around the area. Nagisa relaxes after a little while, and whilst it doesn’t feel _amazing_ , he can’t say it’s bad either.

It’s the closest Karma goes, before nudging him back over again, and finally wrapping his hand around his erection. In a way, it feels kind, since he’s essentially been teasing him for the longest time. Nagisa supposes none of that was really about getting him off, though. As Karma had explained, it was far more exploration than anything else.

Fortunately, Karma’s already explored him _there_ many times already, and so draws an orgasm out of him within minutes.

Afterwards, Nagisa just catches his breath. His body feels a little weird after so much attention, aching slightly in places, but mostly buzzing a little in others. At least usually, Karma says something to him, or he’s doing something that leaves Nagisa too distracted to care. This time, though, feels significantly silent.

Nagisa had understood, from the very start of their ‘arrangement’, that they’d have sex eventually. Considering they’ve done everything except that, practically, it feels like they’re stalling somewhat. Nagisa wonders if Karma’s waiting for him to say something… though Nagisa’s made it pretty clear that in this, he just wants to take his lead.

“Is it my turn?” He asks instead.

Karma looks at him for a moment, before lying flat on his back, gesturing his welcome.

Despite himself, a flush creeps onto Nagisa’s face. It’s hard to do this, with Karma watching him so intently. He climbs on top of him, bearing it for just a moment or two before he can’t anymore. Instead, he leans down and captures Karma’s lips, which at the very least helps to calm his nerves. Thankfully, Karma obliges.

All in all, maybe Nagisa’s a little embarrassed about how much he enjoys the kissing. It’s a world that, plainly, he just understands better. And he really likes kissing _Karma_. He’s good at it in a slightly different way, Nagisa thinks. Actually, for the most part he’s leading it, and Karma is following him blow for blow. He can’t help but moan at the thought, and ends up pressing down on Karma’s chest, pushing him flat.

He pants for a moment, breaking away as he has to evaluate what to do. He collects himself, and remembers that after all this is only an experiment. And really, Nagisa really does like investigating. He starts with Karma’s jawline, leaning down to kiss it, before moving on to his neck. Karma hisses when his lips attach to a certain spot, and Nagisa can’t help himself from pressing into it further, adding pressure as his teeth naturally find their place against his flesh.

”How come you get to leave marks, huh?” Karma half pants out.

It was one of the few caveats Nagisa had introduced. He loves the feeling of Karma’s teeth all over his body, clearly, but he knows that’s precisely the way you get hickeys. A part of the process appeals to him in a way, but Nagisa has a career after all and that kind of thing would be highly inappropriate. He’s sure Karma’s in the same boat, though, and pulls away with a flush.

He examines him again, unsure of where to go next. He feels like he should copy what Karma did, leaving no area untested, but he wants to do something else first. He retraces Karma’s steps, trying to think. One of the first areas Karma had gone for was his nipples, despite his embarrassment over it, since supposedly they were ‘very sensitive’. Actually, Nagisa hadn’t really liked that touch, but it makes him think there might be a reason Karma brought it up.

His finger traces down from his throat and collarbones, before finding its place at his chest. Nagisa still feels embarrassed to just grab at them, though, so he makes it seem like it’s more of an accident, as his hand slips against the right one. Karma tenses up immediately with a sharp intake of breath, though Nagisa doesn’t know how to interpret it.

His hunch is that it feels good, which gives him just enough encouragement to do it again with more purpose. He would have expected Karma to actually say something to that, but he’s entirely silent, though when Nagisa sneaks a glance he’s watching him. It certainly strikes a curiosity in him, but he decides to return to the kissing.

Although Karma did the very same thing to him, it feels more intimate than anything else to be kissing against his chest. _His heart is down there_ , he thinks for a moment, before moving away. Nagisa can’t explain why he does it, not even to himself, but his tongue darts out against the nipple he brushed earlier.

Karma makes _some_ kind of noise at that, but it doesn’t discourage him. In fact, it just encourages him to explore on instinct, and he sucks at it in a way that’s not too dissimilar to the blowjobs he’s practised. Karma seems to flinch, before his back arches up towards him. When Nagisa next sneaks a glance, his eyes are creased shut.

In that moment, he decides he’s too satisfied with that to care about the embarrassment. He keeps his focus, and roles the nipple around his tongue. Using his senses, he takes the other one between his fingers. It’s satisfying when Karma actually gasps, arching into it even more. Nagisa can’t help but wonder what Karma’s thinking in the moment, whether he’s aware of how much he’s reacting. Somehow this feels weirder than blowing him.

Focusing in isn’t the point of this lesson, he’s supposed to be exploring all of Karma’s body, but Nagisa really likes that he can draw such whimpering noises out of him. He’s not sure at all _why_ he feels this way, but heat starts to stir in his own crotch again just listening to him. He notes that Karma hasn’t actually stopped him, either.

He almost feels reluctant when he moves away, sitting back up to get a better look at the situation. The way Karma’s spawled out, head tossed back with his eyes squeezed shut… he almost looks… submissive? A wave of _something_ comes over Nagisa, but he swallows it down, and instead traces Karma’s annoyingly prominent abdominal muscles.

It’s like Nagisa managed to hit some kind of sensitivity button, because he jolts into that too. In fact, glancing down, his erection almost looks _painful_. He doesn’t reach for it, though, finding the fun in taking his time. He shuffles back and bends down again, letting his lips find where his fingers just were, and almost by instinct his tongue jolts out too.

His legs are shaking, actually. Nagisa doesn’t get it, why he’s acting so sensitive today, when he’s usually pretty capable of keeping a straight face and balanced tone through most of it. It makes pride swell within him, though, and Nagisa wants it badly. He’s not sure entirely how to put into words _what_ he wants, but this feels like a decent representation.

Karma squeaks, when he licks down the lines of his stomach, and he feels even more pride. Actually, the flavour of sweat isn’t the most pleasant, but it’s no more than a background thought. He just continues, until eventually he actually is at the base of his erection. Nagisa knows there’s a lot he hasn’t explored yet, but he feels a little bad about dragging it out for longer.

A sigh of relief comes from Karma, by the time he wraps his lips around him. Nagisa’s noticed that he’s actually pretty gentle with him usually, but he fists into his hair with urgency. For some reason, Nagisa likes the burning tug at his scalp, and can’t help but produce a moan of his own, speeding up with even more vigour.

Suffice to say, it doesn’t take Karma long at all to finish.

Nagisa’s worn out afterwards, after everything that needs to has been cleaned. He’s learnt the hard way by now that you really don’t want to let semen dry on anything, especially someone elses. Somehow, that’s just inherently more gross. They both just lie there afterward, though the atmosphere doesn’t feel uncomfortable.

“Do you,” Karma clears his throat, “want to see if your finger combinations are better?”

“Sure.”

They turn away from each other as they redress. Nagisa’s clothes came off before their activity started, so they feel fine to put back on again. Maybe it’s weird that they give each other privacy to redress… but anything resembling intimacy seems to be off limits, just like kissing had been until recently. Kissing feels like a major part of it for him, though.

Then they find themselves on Karma’s living room sofa, controllers in hand like the last hour hadn’t actually happened. If this didn’t happen so regularly, he might actually start to believe it was some kind of elaborate fantasy. Not that Nagisa has a reason to _fantasise_ about Karma doing that kind of stuff to him.

Still, the thread of thought is there now, and even though they only just _got off_ , he looks at him and his mind starts to wander. Karma’s hair is a little sweaty, sticking to his forehead, and the jumper he threw over his loose bottoms is fairly low cut, showing off his whole neck line. In particular, he stares at one of the red marks that’s still there… and wonders if it’ll turn into a bruise.

It’s not weird to admit to himself that his friend’s attractive. In fact, with someone like Karma, it would be weirder to _deny_ it. That would he imply he has something to hide. So sure, there’s a lot about Karma that definitely has mass appeal. His face is nice and well proportioned, and his body is honed.

But Nagisa shudders, then, because there’s something else there. There’s a difference between being aware of Karma’s attractiveness, and being personally _attracted_ to him. And maybe there’s a part of him that can close his eyes and pretend that it could be anybody’s hands or mouth on him… but there’s just something so deeply _Karma_ about it all, he can’t forget. A twinge in him wonders if he even wants to.

“I want to go further,” Nagisa says. “We’ve done everything else now, so we should go the full way.”

Karma drops his controller.

Embarrassment washes over him, before Karma gets the chance to speak. “I-it’s what this is all building up to, isn’t it?”

“You just surprised me,” Karma’s voice sounds a little strained. “Are you _sure_?”

He thinks for a moment. “If it’s inevitable.”

Karma turns to him, really staring him down. “That’s not a good reason. If it matters to you, you shouldn’t just do it because you feel like you have to.”

“Was it a big deal for you?” He feels awkward even asking such a thing. “The first…”

He just shrugs. “Made me realise I’m not into girls.”

Nagisa splutters. “You-“

“It’s been weeks of this,” he says, “don’t say you’re surprised about _that_. I wouldn’t be so happy about giving you blowjobs if-”

“Don’t be so nonchalant about it!” He gets to his feet for some reason.

His eyes sharpen up, though the joking mood is still there. “Does it really bother you that much?”

Nagisa hesitates. “No…”

“You know,” he says, “it would be pretty gay if we had sex.”

And now Nagisa wants to scream, and not in a good way. Why is Karma like this?! Just so… ugh! He doesn’t even have the words because Karma goes beyond that. He’s… insufferable, by any means. And Nagisa knows he’s doing this on purpose now. But he can’t help his face from turning scarlet, even if he’s technically the one who brought it up in the first place.

Words like “gay” don’t mean that much to him. Compared to being teased for his girlish appearance, something like that doesn’t bother him much. But sex hadn’t anyway. Sure, there was the expectation that he should be drooling at the sight of boobs that followed most teenage boys, but he either hadn’t cared, or felt disturbed over that kind of thing. Then again, men hadn’t had any kind of effect on him either. The physical desires had certainly been there, but they weren’t _directed_ at anything. Not until now.

“Do _you_ want to?” He mumbles.

Karma stands up too, which is just a reminder of how much taller than Nagisa he is. “I said I was going to teach you everything, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” he swallows.

“You really think I’d agree _anything_ I didn’t want to do?”

Well, he has a point. But it’s hard for Nagisa to concentrate, with the way he looms over him. “You know I wouldn’t either!” It bursts out of him. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it! And, and! I don’t go down half assed!”

Karma just looks amused. “Why do I feel like you just declared war on me? Alright fine,” _like it’s a chore or something_ , “we’ll do it next week.”

“Don’t just-“

His head tilts innocently. “What?”

“ _Schedule_ _it_.”

His face morphs, and he makes a show of prodding his lip with his finger. “Come to think of it, I’m probably out of condoms at this rate. And I haven’t bought lube in a while… we’ll probably need a lot of that. You’ll pick them up before you come, won’t you?”

Nagisa grabs a cushion from the sofa, honing all of his assassin’s reflexes. Perhaps Karma’s a little rusty, because he gets a pretty good hit on him. Considering Nagisa’s lack of physical strength, it really isn’t enough to knock him back in any way, but it’s satisfying so he does it again. Then Karma reaches behind him and returns the treatment.

They end up sprawled together on the sofa, somehow, laughing and panting wildly for breath.

“I meant it you know,” he says.

Nagisa finds himself nodding. “So did I.”

He nods, and picks up the controller, resuming the video game as though that discussion wasn’t anything. “I was winning.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that! Honestly, it's a lot shorter than usual because t's kind of an intermission chapter, I guess? There'll be more happening next time, if you hadn't already guessed. 
> 
> I've also been VERY busy with university work recently, on top of my job, so there's that. I'm not going to make any promises as to update times anymore, but I guess this fic and A Little Wicked will get worked on when I get a spare moment here and there. They're not being abandoned, though.


	6. Lesson Six (fun with showers!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time to go all the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look sooner than I thought! Word of warning, this one gets a little graphic with some bathroom details!

Nagisa feels like he’s carrying some kind of dirty secret around with him all day. In all honesty, he doesn’t have much of a reason to feel this way at all. It wouldn’t be a big deal to anybody else. Nagisa’s just overreacting and he knows it. At the very least, though, he manages to concentrate on his class in the morning, though around lunch time his nerves are clearly building.

Honestly, Nagisa usually just spends his lunch break in the classroom. It’s not that he wants to avoid the other teachers or staff members, but most of the time he just doesn’t have much of a reason to talk to them. Especially today, he’s not sure his nervous energy is giving him the best mindset to hold an intelligent conversation.

A knock comes to his door though, and that makes him snap out of it.

At first, Nagisa’s a little confused. He made it very clear to his students at the start of the year that they can come talk to him during break whenever they want. It took them a little time at first, but nowadays it’s not unusual for someone to approach him during the lunch break with a question they were too shy to ask during class, or anything else they want to talk about. It’s odd for them to wait for permission to enter, though.

“Come in?”

“I hope I’m not interrupting you, Shiota san.”

Inoue Tsukasa is the resident PE teacher. Compared with the other staff members, he’s admittedly one of the easiest going and friendliest. Nagisa definitely wouldn’t consider him a friend, but it was a pretty good work relationship at least, and he didn’t feel like he was just doing out of obligation when he’d greet him with a smile in the morning.

“Not at all,” he says.

Inoue smiles, shutting the door behind him as he enters the classroom. “I actually wanted to ask you about one of your students. Why don’t we eat lunch together and talk about it?”

His face turns white with realisation. “I can’t eat lunch today.”

“Huh?” Inoue’s face morphs with confusion.

Nagisa splutters in the realisation of what he just said. “I-I! I’m on a diet?” _That’s a terrible excuse_. “B-but you can still eat here, if you want.”

Inoue frowns though. “Those fasting diets aren’t particularly healthy, you know.”

He laughs awkwardly, because it’s better than explaining that his ‘sex tutor’ told him not to eat any big meals before sex, lest anything gross happen. Nagisa is actually pretty hungry, but it seems like a better option than anything else. The thought of it makes his face heat up, and he’s actually a little glad that Inoue’s here.

“Please,” he says, “take a seat.”

Inoue sits across from him, and pulls out a perfectly well balanced bento. “It’s about Watanabe… Meiko, is it? She’s not been the most active participant in PE the whole year… and some kids are just like that, you know? But recently she seems lethargic… more than usual. I get the feeling something happened.”

Nagisa can’t help but dive straight into his thoughts. He, too, has been worried about Watanabe for some time. Where most people in his class have made friends by now, he’s never seen her really interact with anyone else, outside of when there’s partner work. It’s a shame, too, because she’s definitely intelligent. But every time he’s tried to encourage her, it doesn’t seem to get through to her. If she’s acting worse than usual, however…

“I’ll try to talk to her again,” he resolves. “Out of all my students… she’s the toughest. I can’t say I much about her either.”

He nods. “It’s tough, trying to get to know _all_ your students. I guess I should give you advice or something, but I haven’t been a teacher much longer than you.”

“You have to deal with more of them,” he thinks. “Rather than one class.”

It’s true that Inoue is quite young, only three or four years older than Nagisa is. Compared to some of the teachers who have been here for decades, they’re in the same ‘newbie’ bracket it seems. Still, he seems to have such a natural way with the students he can’t help but feel a little bit jealous of. If only he’d been born a people’s person.

“That’s true,” he pokes at his rice. “I guess it’s the old phrase ‘it doesn’t matter as long as you have fun’ or something. “I just wish I could make everyone else see it that way. Well, I’m glad you’ll talk to Watanabe,” he nods. “So… are you doing anything this weekend?”

He doesn’t know how to answer the question. Aside from grading homework, he’s pretty sure he doesn’t haven’t have any actual plans. But he’s read that he might be very sore, so perhaps that’s a good thing. Again, though, he doesn’t feel like he should be sharing that kind of information with his work colleagues.

“Lots of grading,” he says.

Inoue clicks his tongue. “Well, you’re probably being hard on them if you’re setting that much homework.”

“Maybe,” Nagisa agrees, “I can’t just let them off though. It’s policy… when you teach class lessons.”

“True,” he smiles, “I wouldn’t know. You still need to have a day off though. I wanted to be a doctor once, I know these things. Let’s hang out sometime… maybe another weekend.”

“Outside school?”

He just continues to smile. “It wouldn’t be very relaxing if we were _in_ school.”

“I-I’ll let you know!”

Hanging out with co-workers isn’t uncommon at all. Though it’s true the social pressure to go out drinking with your boss isn’t nearly as bad in a school than it is in the corporate world, it still exists a little, and Nagisa’s the freshest hire still. Somehow, he trusts from Inoue’s demeanour that he’s not going to try and push him further.

He sighs, though not maliciously. “I’ll hold you to that. Anyway, have a good class!”

Nagisa’s not sure exactly why, but he frowns for the rest of the lunch period, troubled somehow. There’s a lot going through his mind, honestly. At the very least, he manages to push it out for the rest of his lessons that day. He’s just about ready to free run his way home, as though that might get him there quicker, but then his students have questions.

“Nagisa Sensei, can you tell me more about Scotland?”

“Nagisa Sensei, what did you mean about his knife technique-“

“Nagisa Sensei-“

He’s happy that his students are this engaged with _Macbeth_ , really! Though in truth, he doesn’t know much about Scotland, apart from the five minute visit when Korosensei decided to zoom them around the world. If only he had those kinds of super powers… though they weren’t what _made_ Korosensei such a good teacher, they definitely helped.

There’s a lot going in on his mind, but he forces it back, and tells them everything he can possibly think of. Then he gives one of them Nakamura’s work email, because if anybody has weird Shakespeare knowledge, it’s probably her. He makes sure he’s not rushing himself through his explanation, but he can’t help but look at the time.

All in all, he stayed an hour later than he should have, and with his list of things to do, he’s seriously going to have to hurry. Given the circumstances, hurrying probably isn’t the best way to do it. Of all the things not to mess up in, this is probably one of the biggest ones. He taps his foot on the train, and he speed walks to his small apartment, slamming the door and ignoring the roar in his stomach. Looking at the clock, he doesn’t have time to hesitate.

He shimmies out of his work trousers in the hallway, and starts to unbutton his shirt on the way to the bathroom. He refuses to look his own reflection in the mirror, before crossing over to the toilet in only his underwear. He pulls them down and sits, cringing over what he has to do next. He hasn’t eaten since a small breakfast, so it’s kind of hard to get anything… _out_. though maybe that’s a good thing?

Nagisa flushes the toilet after he’s done, and washes his hands, even though he’s about to get in the shower. Then he reaches for his phone, and loads up the website Karma had sent him to. He’s supposed to be his teacher or something, but apparently this is too graphic. Nagisa’s kind of glad, though, because he’s not sure he wants to sit through Karma’s explanation of _colon cleaning_.

He looks at the shower head like his newest enemy, before stepping in. At first, he showers normally, even if he knows he’ll have to do it again before the night’s over. There’s a part of him that wants to be as presentable as possible, though he knows Karma won’t care in the slightest. But then the next issue presents himself, after he’s finished washing and conditioning his hair.

It seems simple enough… and it makes sense. But the truth is, Nagisa really hasn’t touched his butt a great amount. He hasn’t had to! And, certainly, nobody else has either. He knows what’s coming later is going to be worse than this… but hopefully he’ll be distracted, not just standing alone in his own shower. The only thing keeping him going is his own internal curiosity.

Speaking of which, he spreads his legs a little, and releases the shower head from its hook. He starts with a deep breath, then aims it at his _hole_. Immediately, he screeches, automatically flinching away from the weird sensation. But then he forces himself to calm down, and then tries again, because being completely clean will definitely be worth it.

He doesn’t jump this time, though he really struggles to stay still for the five seconds he’s been instructed to stay there. It feels like forever, and like his insides have been churned up, when he pulls it away again, and concentrates on getting the water out. It definitely feels like something alien, and very far from good. He can’t help but turn his head away in disgust.

Better in his shower, than on Karma’s dick, he supposes.

After the third round, he feels like he’s getting the hang of it. It’s definitely not pleasant, but he starts to feel better for it. It still feels like a lot of work, for something that should be as simple as sex. He supposes it might not be that necessary, not every time, but he’d rather be on the safe side, at least this time. Karma wouldn’t haven’t mentioned it at all, if it wasn’t at least a little important.

The next time he looks, the water is completely clear. That has to be good enough, right? He’s not sure he can take much of the weird feeling… even if he’s about to feel even weirder. He turns off the shower then and just stands, panting as though he’d just climbed ten flights of stairs. Well, maybe he had, in a metal kind of way.

Now that his hair’s a lot shorter, it doesn’t take nearly as long to dry, as it had when he was a teenager. He pulls on an outfit that’s at least semi nice, despite the fact that it’s going to come off within the hour, but that’s neither here nor there. He double checks his appearance in the mirror, noticing a flush at his cheeks that’s already there, which makes him frown.

Unfortunately, glancing his clock, he realises he doesn’t have any time to stand there and think about it. Sure, Karma won’t mind if he’s ten minutes late, but Nagisa feels weirdly anxious about it. He’s weirdly self conscious… though he tries to throw that to the back of his mind, as he dashes for the train.

It puts him in a weird mood, making the short walk to Karma’s apartment. It’s like… Karma saying anything might make his ears bleed.

Something possesses him, at the doorway, and Nagisa feels weirdly compelled to not give him a chance. Before Karma can even open his _mouth_ , Nagisa steps forward, dragging his neck down with his hands and planting a kiss there. It’s clear Karma’s shocked, because he doesn’t move at all for a few seconds, but that doesn’t exactly discourage him.

The door swings shut behind them, and Nagisa somehow manages to work his shoes off in the genkan without breaking the kiss. That seems to be Karma’s cue to actually kiss him back, his own hands wrapping around his waist. Finally, Nagisa feels like he’s melting. There’s something about kissing Karma that feels instinctively right to him, and his worries dissipate just like that.

“Hi,” Karma says, once they have to break apart for obligatory air.

Nagisa kind of likes him better when he’s not talking. “Let’s go.”

Karma just looks amused. “Let me lock the door first~”

Somehow, Nagisa feels weirdly bold, though he doesn’t know if that’s a result of the nerves themselves. But he steps around Karma, and goes straight to his bedroom, not bothering to check if he’s watching him in confusion or not. He actually feels better, once he’s in there. He wasn’t exactly expecting candles and soft music, and Karma’s bedroom being pretty normal makes _him_ feel normal. So he pulls of his shirt.

“If I’d known you were so eager, we could have done this weeks ago,” Karma’s behind him, his much taller presence causing the hairs on Nagisa’s neck to rise.

He turns, as though that’ll somehow make him feel better. Nagisa really does try, searching his brain for a retort, but he’s empty. Even though he’s known Karma for so long, sometimes he just can’t match his wit. Not that he wants to, really. He’s pretty sure ‘eager’ isn’t the right word for it, but that’s beside the point.

Nagisa manages to meet his gaze at least, before breathing in and removing his trousers too. It just makes more sense to do it now, he justifies, since he’s discovered trying to get them off whilst they’re horizontal is kind of difficult. He decides to leave the underwear for now, at least, and backs off onto the bed, his face falling into determined concentration.

Karma raises an eyebrow. “I guess I don’t have to ask if you’re ready for this.”

He swallows. “I-it feels easier if it just happens…”

Climbing onto the bed then, on his knees, Karma does manage to look a little intimidating. “Communication is still important though,” he says, like he’s reciting from a text book. “Well, kind of. Like, _how_ do you want to do it?”

Nagisa squints. “What do you mean?”

“Positions?”

Strangely, Nagisa doesn’t actually _want_ the choice. Like how Karma just seemed to kind of assume he’d want to be the bottom for this, Nagisa figured he’d work out the rest of the details too. Nagisa isn’t bothered by the way things are going to go, at least. It makes sense, since he’s so much shorter, and between them Karma’s the one who actually knows what he’s doing.

“Whatever’s easiest,” he finally says. It’s not like he has any preferences, yet.

Karma actually sits there in silence for a moment, face morphing into his usual concentrated expression like he’s actually thinking about it. That, and he kind of looks a little turned on? Nagisa’s not an expert at reading his face yet, but there’s a certain clench to his jaw, and his eyes are glazed over. Though, he gets the feeling whatever’s going on in there is a little more complicated than that.

“Karma,” Nagisa reaches out for his arm, which earns him a flinch.

That seems to jolt him back into it. “On your hands and knees is probably easiest… but it might be too deep… How do you like it on your own?”

He tilts his head. “What do you mean?”

Karma lets out a breath. “You’ve… never even touched yourself there?”

“No?”

His teeth are pressed tight together. “I’ll do it with my fingers first… so you know what it’s like.”

It makes sense. Honestly, Nagisa doesn’t know how this is supposed to work. Maybe he should have done more of his own research, but he just couldn’t bring himself to. But he feels a little better with this arrangement, at least, since Karma’s fingers, whilst pretty long actually, aren’t as big as _anything else_. Maybe it’s like how you have to warm up your muscles before sport.

Once they’ve reached that conclusion, things feel easier. Karma pulls off his own clothes, and Nagisa just about has time to note he’s not entirely soft in his boxer briefs, before he reaches for the back of his head and pulls him into a slow kiss. Once again, it’s an effective sedative, and Nagisa practically falls into it. Slowly, Karma lowers him back until his head hits the pillow, and he spreads his legs so Karma can slot in between them on instinct.

Nagisa has to come to the conclusion that he’ll like having sex with Karma. Maybe he’ll be proven wrong, but there’s something right about the weight of him on top, and the pressure of their lips together. He can’t help but shudder as their mostly bare bodies rub up against each other, and despite his will his hips are already moving in search of some kind of friction.

Karma pulls away from him, though, and reaches over to grab a bottle from his bedside table. Nagisa sits up a little, using the gap that’s formed in between them to see a little better. It just looks like lotion or something… lube? Karma mentioned that last week, when they were working out the minor details of their arrangement.

“This,” he says, “is important.”

Nagisa nods. 

Karma swallows again. “You can’t just get wet back there like a girl… it kind of sucks if it’s too dry.”

Instead of opening the bottle, though, he puts it on the bed next to them. Nagisa’s about to question it, but then Karma’s fingers worm their way under the band of his underwear. Actually then, he’s a little grateful. He made do with spit if it was necessary, when he was younger, so he’s not actually sure how lube even feels, or if it’ll stain anything.

He can’t help but feel a little self conscious at the way Karma’s looking him over, after briefly pausing to tug his underwear all the way off, tossing it somewhere across the room. Usually, he would have already started whatever he was planning to do to him, but now he’s just staring. Apparently he makes up his mind right then, because he goes back on his heels for a second, and finally pours some of the lube onto his fingers.

“Just relax, okay?”

That’s a lot easier said than done! Nagisa tries, though, and falls back into his more horizontal position. He can’t help but jolt a little, though, when Karma’s hands come anywhere near his ass. He can’t help but wonder if this position is okay, or if everything _else_ is. _Relax?!_ Nagisa’s mind is running at a million miles per hour.

Actually, the first thing he feels is kind of cold. It makes more sense than the lube being warm, he supposes, but how should he know? After that, comes the smallest amount of pressure. His hips automatically move away, as a first reaction to something that probably shouldn’t be there. He scolds himself internally for that, because one finger really shouldn’t be a big deal.

“Relax,” Karma repeats again, firmer this time.

Nagisa nods, and tries to force his body to remain still. His legs are staring to shake, he notices, but that goes away when Karma actually touches _it_. Actually, it doesn’t feel like much of anything, until he presses down. It’s strange, admittedly. Nagisa can definitely feel his finger there, but it’s not good or anything. It just kind of is… and it’s a little underwhelming.

At least, until he starts _rubbing_. It’s still not earthshattering, but Nagisa realises he doesn’t dislike it. Whether he really means to or not, he lets his legs fall a little more open, curiosity rising up. After about a minute of it, he actually starts to feel a little frustrated. Now that he knows this at the very least doesn’t feel awful.

Karma seems to hesitate for a moment or two, before he finally pushes in. Nagisa sucks in a breath, though he realises it wasn’t that necessary. It doesn’t actually hurt, which is nice at least, though it doesn’t feel incredible either. It just kind of is… definitely strange. Not good enough that Nagisa would actively want to do it again yet.

“Okay?”

Nagisa hums. “It’s okay.”

“I’m only up to the first knuckle,” he says. “You need to stop clenching.”

 _What?_ Only the first knuckle?! It feels like so much more. And is he really clenching? He doesn’t feel like he is, but apparently it’s impossible to get his body to calm down, when it has Karma’s finger inside. Well, only a small part of Karma’s finger, apparently. He tries his best, but it doesn’t feel any looser. To make matters worse, that seems to be Karma’s cue to pull out.

“S-sorry.”

“You’re just really tight,” Karma says nonchalantly. “Needs more lube.”

He pushes in again soon after that, and it _does_ feel a little smoother. He still can’t say he likes how it feels, but it’s certainly okay. He can definitely feel when Karma’s finger does slide deeper, taking it exceptionally slowly. At that point, it does start to sting a little, which leaves Nagisa confused more than anything. If _this_ hurts, how’s he going to manage something so much bigger?

Nagisa’s pretty sure it’s all the way in, when Karma starts to wiggle it around. And okay, it’s definitely still weird… though not unpleasant. Maybe it could even feel good… if he ever gets used to it. He’s still concerned that, of course, he needs to be able to take a lot more than this. He decides he’s incredibly thankful that Karma suggested this first.

“I’m going to try it in and out now,” Karma tells him.

He’s actually really thankful for the forewarning. Even if it doesn’t hurt, exactly, the sensation of actual movement is really odd. Nagisa can’t help but compare it to how it actually feels to go to the bathroom, though reversed, weirdly. His body’s natural instinct is to push his finger out… as much as he fights against it.

At least Karma’s not going fast, though that has its downsides. Nagisa had expected to be really into it or something, with his mind in some kind of sex haze. But that’s not happening, and he’s acutely aware of everything, and that’s definitely not the ideal mental state. If that’s not evidence enough, he doesn’t even have the beginnings of an erection.

Karma pulls his finger out. “Some people just aren’t into fingering.”

He blinks. “Doesn’t this have to happen?”

He shrugs. “Not really. Some guys just want to cut to the chase… some others like it more. I guess it depends.”

“Are,” Nagisa shifts up on his elbows a little, “are you just going to put it in, then?”

Karma at least considers it. “Don’t think I could even if I wanted to. You need to relax more.”

“I’m trying-“

He cuts him off with a kiss. And, okay, that’s nice at least. Even without Karma’s finger, his ass has started to feel a little strange, but the press of his lips make it easy enough to ignore. After the pretty slow kiss, all things considered, he trails down from his neck to just below his collar bone, a spot he’d discovered was pretty sensitive during their session last week.

“Your shirts cover this, right?” Karma mutters against his skin.

Nagisa doesn’t actually get to reply, before Karma’s teeth sink in there lightly anyway. And, of course, it feels pretty good, causing his whole body to arch into it. At least the heat’s started to grow between his legs, and accordingly Karma slips his hand between them to start stroking him. Nagisa couldn’t protest even if he wanted to. It definitely feels like something he was missing, and he wholly welcomes it.

What he’s not expecting, though, just as it starts to feel really good, is the sudden sensation of being breached again, and this time he’s _sure_ it’s Karma’s whole finger. Except… it doesn’t even hurt at all this time, and he doesn’t have to force himself not to fight against it. That seems to be Karma’s sign to continue, and he pumps his finger in and out like before.

It still doesn’t feel like the best sensation ever, but Nagisa can get the appeal. In fact, it starts to drift into the realm of being at least a little good. There’s definitely _something_ there. And, after a while, strangest of all he starts to crave a little more. Maybe just one more finger… that’s almost wide enough, isn’t it?

“Okay?” Karma asks again, sensing something at least.

Nagisa nods, but then he feels brave. “I can take more.”

He looks at him almost like he doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t argue. His finger comes out again… presumably to add more lube? Nagisa’s not sure about lube… he hopes it’s easy to wash away, because there seems to be a lot of it inside him. Instead of clenching up, at least, he really starts to anticipate it.

Two fingers are definitely a lot better than one. He has to inhale deeply, because this time it _does_ really hurt. It’s not like that’s a surprise… in fact as far as he’s aware, that’s pretty standard with this kind of thing. Karma seems to sense the change in his reaction, and holds his fingers completely still, which Nagisa definitely welcomes.

This time at least, he feels less blind. He figures if he controls his breathing, it’ll start to feel better. At the same time, Karma starts kissing him again. If it’s meant as a distraction tactic, it’s definitely working. Slowly but surely, the fingers start to move again, but Nagisa’s far more inclined to focus on those lips, especially when he bites down lightly.

Surprising himself, Nagisa actually lets out a tiny moan at the sensation, which causes Karma to pause for a second. That annoys him, because it’s starting to get good! Thankfully, he decides to press on, so his fingers are rocking gently in and out. He tries to stretch out a little bit, as though that’s going to help him relax further. In doing so, he accidentally shifts his hips, just as Karma dives back in again, and suddenly he jolts.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Nagisa releases a high gasp, not that he could have held it back if he tried. Frozen in the position, the tips of Karma’s fingers strike him again, and now he feels _really_ strange. Nagisa just reacts, grabbing Karma hard by the wrist. Whatever the case, he knows for sure that he doesn’t want him to move away from that spot. 

“Oh,” Karma says, “I found your prostate, huh?”

Nagisa doesn’t _care_. He just wants Karma to touch it again. His grip on Karma falters just a tiny bit, which gives him just enough range of motion to press into that spot. Nagisa’s lips part and he lets go, falling into the feeling. Now that Karma knows exactly what he’s aiming for, everything increases by absolute tenfold.

Actually, instead of just moving in and out, he puts pressure there and starts to rub. After only about a second of it, it’s completely different. It’s like nothing he’s experienced before… a similar pleasure feeling to being jerked off, maybe, but much deeper and full bodied. It’s one the edge of being a little too much, but he’s in no mood to stop him.

His hips start to shift of their own will, desperate for more, even though he doesn’t actually know what that is. His lips seem to fall permanently open too, and he’s vaguely aware of the way he’s moaning. Karma takes notice of his hips, and starts thrusting his fingers in and out again. Nagisa really doesn’t understand how, but even without directly getting that spot, it really does feel amazing all of a sudden.

He decides it’s better not to question it.

It’s only then that he actually pays attention to what Karma’s doing. He’s pretty much been sat on his knees the whole time, though he’s looking at Nagisa with what he can only describe as concentration. Nagisa can’t see much from his position other than that, though Karma’s only got one hand within him. The other...? There appears to be movement in his arm, though he can’t see exactly what he’s doing. Then Karma catches him looking, and starts to pull the fingers out with a nod.

“Karma,” he finally gets out, “don’t _stop_.”

He’s too far gone to consider that this is only supposed to be a warm up. Nothing else seems to matter, though. This feels great, and Nagisa’s not inclined to want to stop. The thought of going further is gone from his head, filled up instead by this buzz of pleasure. He’s close to really begging, almost. _Almost_.

“You want to keep going like this?”

Nagisa only moans his reply, but it’s enough for Karma to redouble his efforts. His fingers strike against that spot every time, and Nagisa’s rising. A tell tale band of pressure tightens around his stomach, but then comes the frustration. No matter how much he tries to let go, throws his head back and breaths with it, it just won’t come. It’s tantalizing, and maddening, and he’s sure he can’t go on like this.

A short grunt like noise from Karma stills his thoughts, and his fingers seem to hesitate their motion for a second or two, before suddenly he’s leaning over him. Nagisa welcomes it, arching up to claim his kiss like a prize. And this… he loves Karma’s kisses under the best of circumstances… but this is something else. Being struck so well on the inside really is taking over his whole body.

He whines when Karma breaks the kiss, but whines even louder when he tilts his head over to the side of his head and pays attention to his neck again. For a moment, he doesn’t even care about coming like that, even if it’s hard to ignore the burning in his lower regions. He doesn’t even understand what he wants anymore, only that it’s just a tiny bit more.

“Touch yourself,” he says, lips brushing his ear.

Nagisa doesn’t understand the way that trickles down his ears like molten, causing a whole body shiver. He feels absolutely compelled to obey, though, reaching between them to tug at his neglected erection. Honestly he hadn’t been paying too much attention, but now he has his hand wrapped around himself he realises just how desperate he actually is.

He hates that he kind of likes Karma telling him what to do.

With the combination of that, and Karma rubbing so perfectly against that spot, it’s only a matter of time. Since he feels on the edge already, it’s not like anything sneaks up on him. It only takes him a couple of strokes before finally he feels a wave of intensity, but rather than just a snap and a rush, it seems to just _keep going_.

In reality, Nagisa doesn’t actually know what he’s crying out. It might be Karma’s name, or something completely intelligible, but that doesn’t seem to matter. It’s like somethings taking over his whole body, and it won’t stop… and he’s not sure if he really wants it to. He’s not sure how long it even lasts, though it feels like it could have been forever, until at least he starts to calm down, and his eyes refocus…

_What’s that on Karma’s face?_

If Nagisa didn’t suddenly feel boneless and exhausted, he would have had more of a reaction. Is that… cum, on his chin? His? Can it reach that far? Honestly, Nagisa’s too exhausted to even feel the shame he should, so his head just lolls back. He just about has it in him to wince when Karma pulls his fingers out, the sensation leaving him kind of weird.

“You’re so…” Karma doesn’t finish his sentence, though, coughing instead. “I’ll get a towel.”

Actually, Nagisa doesn’t feel that messy for once. He makes sure to wipe his behind, though, just in case all that lube gets sticky or something. It only occurs to him then that they were supposed to be having sex… but his stomach twists at the idea. He can’t even imagine getting it up again, or finding the energy to do anything else.

Usually, the routine after their sessions is carried out quickly. After cleaning up, they’d both pull on their clothes without looking at each other too much. Nagisa’s pretty sure Karma changes his bedsheets after he leaves, but he still smooths them out anyway. Then they’ll usually just migrate to the living room and hang out like usual, unless it’s late enough that Nagisa has to go straight home. This time, though… Nagisa doesn’t even want to move.

“Nagisa~” Karma’s tone is light, at least. “Did I really wipe you out that bad?”

“Mmph.”

He laughs, and for once it sounds more endearing than annoying. “If I knew you’d be so into getting fingered…”

“What?”

Karma just clears his throat, though. “We should leave it there for now.”

“Oh,” Nagisa realises. “Are you-“

“I’m fine,” he says very quickly. “Well, we don’t have to do everything in one day. I tried to warn you a little, but you begged me to keep going, so.”

“I didn’t _beg_ -“

“Sure,” Karma just waves him off. “And you didn’t give me a facial, either.”

Infuriating. Karma’s just lucky that Nagisa really isn’t in an argumentative mood. He’s not sure if he’s actually disappointed or not. He was so psyched up about actually going through with it earlier… even if he doesn’t regret _that_. At least Karma doesn’t seem disappointed about it either. Though, Nagisa’s not entirely sure where to go from here.

His stomach speaks up then, growling loudly.

“…I didn’t eat anything today.”

Karma blinks. “Right. You didn’t. I’ll get you some food.”

That’s… weirdly nice of him. “I can just go to the konbini on the way home-“

“I didn’t eat yet either,” Karma explains casually. “I’ll make you curry.”

Apparently, it’s not just an offer. Karma’s already in his underwear, so he pulls some pyjama bottoms on and leaves the room just like that, and Nagisa feels like he might dissociate. He’s not really in any mood to reject the offer, though. Karma doesn’t really cook for him often, their meet ups usually reserved to just drinking, or watching a movie or something. But Nagisa does know he’s pretty good at it… better than him, at least.

When he finally finds the will to get off the bed, his legs are shaky and unsteady. Will it be worse than this when they _actually_ have sex? He tries to keep his breathing even, as he searches around for his underwear. Thankfully, Karma didn’t toss the garment too far. He feels overly sensitive, pulling on the rest of his clothes, and not in a good way.

Nagisa steels himself for just a moment, before venturing out into the living area. The smell hits him immediately, before anything else. Karma’s made weirdly quick work of everything, since the curry’s already cooking away, and the rice cooker’s been turned on. Right then, Karma seems to be coating two chicken pieces with egg and breadcrumbs. Yeah, that definitely beats picking up the sad ready meal version from Seven Eleven.

Karma has the instincts of an assassin, even if he hasn’t trained his skills in some time, so Nagisa has no doubt he noticed him enter the room. He doesn’t say anything, though, and Nagisa has nothing he needs to bring to conversation either. Instead, he finds it strangely relaxing to watch him, which isn’t a statement he never thought he’d feel, whilst Karma had a knife in his hand.

Even though his apartment’s bigger than his, bigger than _most_ people in Tokyo if he’s honest, his kitchen still isn’t exactly massive. So it’s kind of mesmerising how effectively Karma makes use of the space, like clockwork. Karma’s always been a lot better at cooking than he is… not that he ever showed that to anyone. Nagisa’s mouth even starts to water, at the sound of the chicken frying in the oil.

He doesn’t dress it up in a fancy way or anything, once it’s done cooking. But that doesn’t really matter, at the end of the day there’s only so much you can do with chicken, curry, and rice. It smells incredible, though, and Nagisa stares after it longingly as Karma takes the plates and sets them down on top of the kotatsu, along with a class of water, and…

“Strawberry milk?”

Karma doesn’t explain himself with anything other than a shrug, leaning back in his chair casually as he pierces the carton and sips it. Some things never change. Nagisa decides to join him, not wanting to wait any longer before trying it. He kneels down at first, before falling into a more cross-legged sit. Though, what he hadn’t expected was the sudden jolt of pain and soreness, as his butt meets ground.

“That’ll happen,” Karma explains, noticing his pain.

Nagisa frowns, though at least it’s not unbearable. “Uhm… let’s eat.”

As it turns out, using the food as a distraction really is a good idea. It’s certainly not the usual flavouring of this kind of curry, and spicier than he’s used to, but he puts that down to Karma being _Karma_. Whatever the case, it tastes pretty spectacular, and compliments the chicken really well. Nagisa could definitely eat this every day…

“Oh,” Nagisa can’t help but groan out loud. “It’s so good, Karma!”

“Huh…”

He shoves another spoonful into his mouth. “So good! I need more.”

“Nagisa…”

He’s briefly brought out of his haze. “What?”

Karma just sighs, taking a strong sip of his milk. “It’s nothing. If you wanted me to cook for you, you should have said before.”

“But I didn’t know you were _this_ good at it!”

He laughs lightly. “You should know by now, I’m good at everything.”

And there’s that arrogance again. Though, Karma really has mellowed out since they were both in school together, so he doesn’t mind it as much. Nowadays, they seem to be more like jokes than serious beliefs. It’s part of what makes him Karma, anyway. It would be weird if there wasn’t something at least a little bit terrible with his personality.

“You really like it that much?” His tone is a little quieter then, more uncharacteristically unsure.

Nagisa smiles. “It’s the best thing I’ve eaten in months.”

Karma smiles back at him, cheeks tinting perhaps the tinniest bit, though Nagisa’s not sure if he’s just imagining it. He and Karma have known each other for long enough now that he doesn’t feel under any kind of weird obligation to fill up every second with conversation. Sometimes, their silences can be comfortable.

“Do you have any notes?” Nagisa decides to ask.

“Eh?”

He swallows. “About earlier… I guess I didn’t really do much, but.”

It seems to take a moment to wash over Karma. “Oh,” oddly, something shifts in his demeanour, “not really. It was only to show you how it feels.”

Right. Because next week they’ll definitely have sex for real. Nagisa had forgotten, just for a little bit, that he’d kind of spent the whole week nervous and preoccupied thinking about it. Though, now he knows it can feel that good with just his fingers… maybe he’s going to spend the next week in more of an anticipation, instead.

There’s a glint in his eye. “Give me a warning before you come on my face, next time.”

“N-noted!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked this one! 
> 
> One thing that irks me a little with mlm fiction is both the lack of CORRECT prep, and the weird obsession with arbitrary fingering. The take of the story is it depends on the person. No, you don't need to do one two three fingers before anal, and some people really do dislike it. Lube is a far more important factor. Here, the purpose really was mostly so Nagisa was getting a slightly smaller version of the sensation, before taking the full thing. As far as I'm aware, a lot of people just kind of like it as foreplay. On a similar note, cleaning doesn't always have to be as intense as Nagisa did it. Some people are good with just a bit of surface cleaning, really. For the most part it's going to be fine without, but in a case such as this I think they're just trying to avoid any 'accidents'. 
> 
> Anyway, random anal sex rant over. Really, fiction is fiction, I'm just hoping to portray a little more realism than your average smut fic, at least.


	7. Lesson Seven (the all the way club)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma and Nagisa finally get around to taking care of that whole virginity thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip Nagisa

Nagisa’s never put much thought into how he’d lose his virginity.

He supposes there might have been a vague idea here or there about dating someone for a while, knowing that it would happen _eventually_. But here he is, absolutely not dating Karma, and doing this with what feels like very little build up. Which is kind of ridiculous, considering how much other stuff he’s done with Karma, and for a while too.

There’s a part of him that really feels ready for it. Almost frustrated, even, that it hasn’t happened yet. But last week really proved to him that this is something he’s going to enjoy. And he’s looking forward to it, in a strange way. Really, he hasn’t actually been able to stop thinking about it that effectively at all, which may or may not be a worry.

It’s just… Karma’s the annoying kind of attractive. The kind where you just look at him and get all irritated because he has no right to look like that. Or something. Nagisa’s not sure, maybe he’s just hard wired to be at least a little bit annoyed in Karma’s presence. And he’s also good in bed. Not that Nagisa has anything else to compare it to. But Karma’s good at everything minus shutting up, so it makes sense that he’d be good at this too.

He’s ready in the physical sense too. The cleaning process was a lot easier and less uncomfortable know he actually knows what he’s doing, and knows what’s going to come. Karma was pretty _vigorous_ with his fingers, the last time, so he hopes it won’t be too different this time. Logically, everything should go smoothly between them.

Nagisa’s a little cold, standing outside Karma’s apartment. He’s not sure why he hasn’t rung the doorbell yet, or what he’s waiting for. He’s supposed to be here, he feels. He shakes both his arms out, as though that’s going to mystically work somehow. If only. Actually, Nagisa doesn’t really know what he’s doing at all.

When he does finally ring the doorbell, and Karma opens the door, he doesn’t attack kiss him this time. Perhaps he’s far less frantic this time around, even though there’s a certain kind of buzz travelling through his limbs. Karma’s still dressed from work, though the suit jacket and tie have at least been removed, the top few buttons undone, exposing his neck.

“Hi,” Nagisa finds his voice.

“Are you just standing there?”

He snaps out of his daze, and comes inside, removing his shoes as always. He and Karma are good at this routine now, usually. He goes straight to Karma’s bedroom, and Karma follows him in. But this time… Nagisa knows he’s hesitating, even if he doesn’t exactly know why. Even though he’s certain he wants this, there’s just _something_.

“Can I have a drink?”

“Sure,” he looks him over suspiciously. “I don’t think I have anything you like though, other than water.”

Nagisa swallows. “Beer’s fine.”

Now he knows that’s going to make Karma cautious. Alcohol was only a feature of their relationship at the start to ease things along, but ever since they made their arrangement, it wasn’t so necessary. Nagisa likes it more when he’s sober, anyway. Even though he’s fairly used to drinking socially nowadays, he doesn’t exactly enjoy the feeling. But today maybe it’ll take the edge off.

“Sure,” Karma says, though the tone is clearly reserved.

Instead of going to the bedroom, then, they go to the main living space. Nagisa awkwardly sits under the kotatsu, though he’s pleased to find that it’s been switched on. It’s getting really close to full winter though. It’s strange, he thinks, when Karma joins him, that this used to be how their relationship was. Sitting here, drinking a can of beer… talking about their days…

Karma takes a long swig. “If you’re nervous-“

“I’m not!” Nagisa cuts him off, and gulps down far too much of his own drink. “I just… want to be like this.”

“You want to do it _here_?” He peers round at him.

“No!” He decides to slam down the can on surface. “That’s… it won’t be comfortable, right?”

Karma shrugs. “The tables a good height, actually.”

His brow creases, then. Of course Karma knows that, and doesn’t have to guess. _Of course_ he’s already done that… maybe with lots of people. This isn’t exactly new information, and Nagisa knows he has no right to feel anything bad about it. He really shouldn’t be drunk from that one bit of beer already (then again, he hasn’t eaten), but there’s some sort of fire in him. And it doesn’t like the image of Karma with anyone else.

Nagisa moves so quickly it surprises even himself, let alone Karma. But he manages to traverse the table, sacrificing the warmth for Karma’s lap. They’re about the same height, in the position he ends up in, with him straddling on his knees, and Karma sitting on the ground. Nagisa hadn’t actually considered what to do next, though. All he knows is he wants to fill Karma’s mind.

They fall into their kiss naturally, since they’re so close already. Just like always, it has this incredible way of making him feel light, like his limbs are so full of air he might float off into the ceiling. He wraps his arms around Karma’s neck this time, not that it’s so necessary, he’s pretty confident Karma’s not going anywhere away from him.

He’s convinced he’s not drunk, but there is a certain kind of buzz cloud going through his mind. He’s used to gasping and jolting when Karma touches him, but right now it’s something else. When Karma grips his waist, he simply follows him, pressing back. Usually when he feels turned on like this, all his heat and blood just rushes south, but this… it’s like an aura around him.

There’s no verbal communication between them as to breaking apart. They can hold their breaths for just about the same time, it seems. Even so, their foreheads clink together, and Nagisa likes it. He likes the way Karma’s fingers tense, too, gripping him tighter. He’s not entirely sure what to do next, though. He knows how it’s going to end for sure, but how to get there…

He shifts, then, going up onto his feet. As fun as doing it here sounds… the bed’s probably going to be more comfortable. But yes… the transition. He tries to hold every nerve in, and sticks a hand out to Karma like an invitation. The expression Karma gives hm is almost impossible to read, wide eyed and laced with a mixture of surprise and amusement… or at least he guesses.

Karma does actually take his hand, coming to his feet too, but before Nagisa can actually do anything he pulls him in kissing him even more aggressively. Nagisa moans against his mouth, though, because it feels _really_ good even though Karma hasn’t actually touched him much yet. He drops his wrist, hands finding the small of his back instead, before travelling down to squeeze his ass.

Strangely, he doesn’t notice that he’s being picked up until it’s already happening.

In far more innocent contexts, Nagisa can’t say he’s _not_ used to Karma picking him up without warning. In fact, he actually does it a lot, because the height jokes still haven’t gotten old after a decade. He decides he doesn’t mind this, though, finding it a pleasant sensation once he’s automatically wrapped his legs around Karma’s waist, trying to find something to help him stay upright. It _is_ hard on his core muscles, though.

He’s not sure how he actually feels about being carried to the bedroom. On the one hand, he doesn’t mind in the slightest, on the other… Well, he doesn’t get much of a chance to think about it, because Karma’s apartment isn’t actually that big so he’s not exactly carrying him for long. He places him down on the end of the bed uncharacteristically gently, when they actually get to that point.

Karma usually looms above him, but it’s a different experience like this, with him just sitting there. Nagisa’s naturally intimidated by it all, though definitely not _afraid_. Following the logic of the current situation, the clothes come off next. Karma usually doesn’t undress him himself, and today seems to be no exception.

Since Nagisa only has to pull items over his head, he gets done a lot faster. This means he gets full view of Karma’s undressing routine, and he can’t help himself from watching in fascination. He’s not sure if Karma caught on or not, or if he’s just always like this, but he starts to unbutton his shirt careful and slow, like he’s really taking his time with it. Nagisa’s throat goes dry, looking at him like that, and he can barely swallow, especially when the trousers follow, pooling on the floor. At least this time, neither of them bother with the pretence of underwear.

It’s Karma’s turn to straddle him, then, and Nagisa’s head falls back naturally onto the mattress. He notes briefly that neither of them are completely hard yet, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s almost alarming how much easier this is now he knows what to expect. Karma leans away from him for only a moment to get the lube, but they’re kissing again before he can really do anything with it.

Nagisa’s really started to understand why they spent the time exploring each other’s bodies. Karma knows where his sensitive spots are now, and he seems intent on using them to his advantage. Nagisa can only let him do it, the kisses up and down his body making him feel more warm and fuzzy than anything else.

It’s not exactly the same as the week before. Nagisa’s a lot more relaxed, so he doesn’t tense away from the finger that eventually prods at his entrance. In fact, maybe he actively wants it. He’s not completely sexually confident, he can’t even _fake_ that, so his body hesitates a little bit. It’s not enough deterrence, though, and in fact he’s anticipating it more than anything, the memory of how it felt last time still fresh.

What he’s not expecting is to instantly seize up, squeak, and grab onto Karma’s wrist like some kind of lifeline.

“Nagisa?”

“J-just,” Nagisa tries his very best to breathe, though that’s kind of hard considering how overwhelmed he feels all of a sudden. He’s a little concerned, actually, because that’s probably the quickest his erection’s _ever_ gone from about ten to a hundred. To make matters worse, Karma’s finger shifts just an inch, and it happens _again_. He’s… not going to get off just like this, is he?

Karma seems a little concerned, but when he purposely moves his finger again, Nagisa can tell he’s faking it. “Here?”

“ _Karma_.”

At least the last time, there was build up to this kind of sensation. But with Karma hitting that spot inside him right off the bat, it’s more overwhelming than anything. His legs are shaking a little bit, he’s sure, and he’s not sure how long he can actually hold on like this. Especially if Karma’s planning to merely tease him.

“ _Stop messing around_ ,” he says with more venom than intended.

Something like a glint washes over Karma’s face. “Okay then.”

His finger pulls out some, at least, before it’s joined by a second. And okay _yes_ , there’s that slight burn he remembers. It’s honestly not that bad, though, not enough that he can’t put up with it for a little while. It doesn’t exactly fade into a better sensation quickly, though, which leaves Nagisa a little concerned, since he’s more than aware something bigger is coming. In fact, it’s just kind of uncomfortable.

“Can you just,” he tries to hold some of his weight on his elbows as he leans up, “keep them still for a second?”

Karma actually obeys the request. In return, Nagisa really tries his best to will his body to get used to it again. Despite his earlier reaction, he still thinks there’s time. A part of him really doesn’t want to rush this, as much as another kind of wants to get through it as quickly as possible. They’ve come so far already… he doesn’t want to delay it any more.

Karma pulls his fingers out entirely. “Okay?”

“I-I’m just worried it’s going to hurt.”

His eyes narrow. “You almost creamed yourself when I put a finger in you.”

Nagisa turns his head in shame. “Well-“

Karma just takes a very deep breath. “If you’re having second thoughts-“

“I want to!” Nagisa sits up properly, then, inadvertently creating quite the gap between them. “I’m ready.” His head ducks down though. “But how?”

“Like what position?” Karma’s head tilts. “I don’t mind, it’s up to you.”

He flushes. “Just… the easiest.”

“Maybe you should try being on top,” Karma suggests, moving so that he’s already lying back for it. “You can go whatever pace you like.”

It sounds fair enough, though Nagisa’s still not quite sure. It’s a position that’ll put him on great display, for one, and he feels like it also relies more on him knowing what he’s doing. Which Nagisa doesn’t. Maybe he’s got the pieces figured out, but putting them together well is something else. He knows he doesn’t want to quit, though.

Trying to keep his hand as steady as possible, Nagisa reaches for the bedside table, where all the _stuff_ is helpfully placed. Condom first, he thinks. He takes hold of the packet, and opens it carefully. It’s a little ironic, considering how their arrangement started, but he doesn’t actually have much practise with them.

He only fumbles a tiny bit with it, turning it upside down a couple of times just to triple check he has it the right way. Then it’s simple… he leans over Karma, pinching the top with one hand as he rolls it onto his erection with the other. He supposes it doesn’t need to be perfect, since he’s not trying to prevent pregnancy or anything like that, but he still doesn’t fancy the idea of it coming off inside him much.

Then comes the lube, he thinks, because he’s pretty sure he needs as much help as he can get. This time, he gets into a better position, squirting some onto his hand before he essentially jerks Karma off with it. As expected, Karma really doesn’t seem to mind so much, his breathing picking up with each of Nagisa’s small twists. Getting him off like this isn’t the goal though, he realises, and so releases him, wondering if he’s even in the right position for this.

“Last chance to back out,” Karma has the nerve to seem smug as he looks up at him, nails digging into Nagisa’s hips despite the statement.

Nagisa can’t help but gleam with the challenge, though it’s a little harder without Karma doing anything to him in distraction. His brow creases, though, and he grabs onto Karma’s erection. Something like this… it should be instinctual. Nagisa had always thought when the time came, he’d somehow just know what to do.

As it turns out, it’s more complicated than that. He feels a heat of embarrassment rise up, realising how much he’s fumbling. It’s not helping, that Karma’s just _watching_ him. He winces, feeling around for where he knows his entrance must be, and attempts to sink down. Attempts, because nothing actually happens. He just… falls forward a little.

Karma looks at him curiously, but Nagisa’s determined now. He doesn’t dwell, just sits back up on his knees and tries again. This time, he’s really sure he’s got the right angle, but when he pushes down, all the lube in play makes him just slip up into his ass crack. With the heavy breath Karma lets out, he assumes that didn’t feel bad, but grinding isn’t the goal here! Perhaps a little too hard, he grabs him again, and doesn’t let _go_. But apparently his body itself doesn’t like the idea of Akabane Karma taking his virginity, because he just can’t breach himself.

“I-it won’t go in.”

Karma sits up, so their faces are almost perfectly aligned. “Sure it will.”

He looks down. “It’s not-“

“I appreciate the compliment, really,” Karma peers over his shoulder, “but it’s not _that_ big.”

It’s big _enough_ , but Nagisa has no desire to boost his ego like that. Should they just call it quits? It’s really not that Nagisa doesn’t want to do it at this point, but if he physically can’t… People have sex all the time! It shouldn’t be this hard, right? Nagisa’s never heard anyone mentioning it be an awkward mess. Or maybe he’s just terrible at this.

“Okay,” Karma says casually, “Plan B, then.”

Before Nagisa can ask what this secret plan _is_ , Karma’s hands shove him back, and he doesn’t even have a chance to defend himself. He’s not really sure how fighting is going to help them, but Karma quickly follows suit, bracing himself above him just in the right position to lean down and give him another one of those sinful kisses. Whatever he intended to do, it’s working, and Nagisa’s head is spinning.

He frees up a hand, and it feels like electricity as it traces down his side. It’s enough to make his hips jump, wanting definitely more of that. He doesn’t get it… _this_ certainly feels good, and he knows that he wants more. He keens into the touches, tilts his head and allows the kisses to focus right on his neck, the pulse point he’s found to be rather sensitive these days. He knows Karma wouldn’t go as far as leaving hickeys, but he still finds himself enjoying the dangerous feeling of his sharp teeth at his throat. Nagisa’s hands curl around his shoulders, then, and Karma’s hand directs his leg to lie around his hip.

“Relax,” he mutters, and then moves up and kisses him on the forehead.

Ironically, that touch doesn’t feel sexual at all. But Nagisa nods, and does his best. It’s just… he knows he’s kind of high strung. It goes against a lot of who he is to just let it go. He looks at Karma then, though, and Karma looks at him, and that’s enough. Nagisa would trust Karma with the world, of course, if it came down to it. Perhaps his body isn’t the biggest ask ever.

It’s hard not to tense up, when he feels him actually pressing against his entrance, but he knows he has to right then. Sucking in the deepest breath he can, he holds it in for a second or two, and just lets go. As if automatically lining up with his breathing, Karma actually pushes in, then, and Nagisa has no control over the way he clenches around the foreign entity.

Nagisa’s honestly never felt so confused. All at once, it’s like everything’s gone blurry, and clear reality is nothing but a distant memory. He knows that his breath hitches, and his legs clamp hard around Karma’s hips, as if trying to pull him in deeper. He’s also more than aware that it hurts, but not quite in the way he expected. It’s nothing sharp, just this deep body ache that weirdly… feels like something else he can’t put his finger on.

Above him, Karma’s breaths are coming out harder than he’s heard it before. “ _Relax_ , Nagisa.”

“I-is it in?”

“The _tip_ isn’t even all the way in.”

He already feels stretched to his limit! He needs to just focus. Thankfully, Karma’s not trying to hurry him. _Just relax_ , and then, _a little bit at a time_. And yeah, it’s not that bad. He can definitely handle it, even though it’s not pleasant. Karma’s hand strokes along his arm in some kind of display of sympathy, though he continues to breach him very slowly. It’s definitely weird.

Well, it feels exactly like pooping in reverse, actually.

When he closes his eyes and breathes, though, he figures it’s not entirely different to the fingers. But at the same time, it _is_. He can feel the slight pulses and twitches inside him, and the ridges are different. Somehow, it kind of feels like everything all at once, and that seems to be enough to get his body to relax to the amount that lets Karma slide all the way in for sure.

Nagisa’s not sure at what ‘point’ his virginity disappears. Is it just being penetrated like this? Do they have to go at it for five minutes or something? Does it only go when they finish? Or does it cling to him until he’s the one doing the penetrat _ing_. He thinks all of this in just the space of a few seconds, before concluding that he was pretty dumb for ever being occupied with these kinds of things.

Above him, Karma’s breaths are heavy, and his eyes are squeezed shut in restraint. Heat pools in Nagisa’s stomach, at the thought of Karma struggling to control himself. He’s glad he _is_ , absolutely, but he can’t help but feel happy that he feels good to him. And, the more he gets used to it, he’s actually starting to feel the same way.

It’s not like some kind of earth shattering revelation that suddenly clicks into place. But Nagisa’s come to expect that now, and maybe it’s good he has his expectations in check. It also feels surprisingly natural. Strange, yes, but not in a way he wants to stop, and not in a way he doesn’t expect to get used to.

Karma’s bracing his weight on either side of Nagisa’s body, trapping him in a little. It really starts to occur to him then that the erection inside him is actually attached to someone. Karma. One of his best friends. Doing something like this with him… his mind starts to race. The rational parts of his brain recognise how ridiculous that is, at the very least, and so he tries to direct his thoughts to _anything_ else.

Unfortunately, for some reason, the only thing the other part of his brain manages to supply is ‘ _fish fish fish, if you eat fish, your head your will become good’_. He really doesn’t know _why_ that’s what he chooses to think about, but it’s better than the alternative. And, actually, when he gets to the part of the song that just lists the type of fish, he finds it’s a good distraction from the discomfort.

At least Karma hasn’t seemed to notice his minor break down? But he seems pretty distracted.

“Uhm,” he tries, because he’s lost for what else to do. “You can move.”

Honestly, he would rather have waited some more, but he needs to get that awful song out of his head. Karma seems relieved if anything, though thankfully he doesn’t get it in his head to just pound away at him like mad. In fact, he barely even moves, mostly just shifting his hips slightly to create just a little bit of friction.

Somehow, Nagisa has the nerve to feel a little frustrated. Now he’s past the initial pain, even if it hasn’t entirely gone yet, he’s ready for more. As such, his legs tighten a little around Karma’s hips, as though they’re trying to pull him closer. Or keep him there, at least, if the latter isn’t possible. He’s really starting to _want_.

Finally, Karma seems to get the message. He moves with more purpose, then, completing one full motion. Nagisa certainly feels it, to say the least. He’s still not sure if it’s good or not, but he does feel inclined to keep going. Maybe also for Karma’s sake, because whether he says anything or not, Nagisa can tell there’s a frustrated clench to his jaw, and he’s not sure how long he’s actually going to hold out.

Nagisa doesn’t go as far as faking a moan or anything like that, but he does will himself to lie back more, releasing his hard grip some. It’s all he can do to shoot Karma a tentative nod, affirmation that it’s okay. And it is… certainly not the worst thing he’s ever felt. More so than the physical factor, though, it’s striking him internally, the closeness of it all.

Actually, Nagisa doesn’t really get to be entirely close with other people often. He’s so busy with his job that friends are more of the occasional event than a regular portion of his life. Except Karma, of course, who for the most part he’s managed to see almost once a week. And Nagisa never really made _super_ good friends during high school and university… maybe he’s hugged Sugino once or twice in an extreme situation? But no, he’s most sure, Karma’s the only person he gets that kind of closeness _from_ , and this is the closest they’ve ever been.

His thoughts get cut off for a moment, then, because out of nowhere he gets the urge to release a gasp. Karma’s actually rocking against him and into him properly, though still pretty slowly. But whilst his mind was racing… he’s definitely adjusted. It actually feels more good than anything else, though it’s nothing compared with the instant satisfaction of being jerked off.

His breathing picks up in a natural way, then, his exhales coming out heavy with Karma’s movements. A part of him starts to think… even if this sensation is as good as it’s going to get for him, Nagisa decides he wouldn’t mind doing it again. There’s a part of him that’s still not sure why that is, exactly, though he doesn’t want to question it further.

Instead of bracing completely above him like he has been, Karma falls forward with his weight, so that he’s practically lying on top of Nagisa, his head tucked against the pillow beside his own. This way, they’re even closer, chests almost rubbing together. Nagisa takes the initiative to wind his arms around his shoulders in a kind of hug, pulling him closer still.

Like this, it’s a lot slower than he expected. From pretty much every other thing he consumed, he didn’t think it would be as steady as this… especially with Karma. Oddly, Nagisa actually feels a little peaceful. Should they talk more? Not that Nagisa expects to have a conversation, but… they’re both pretty silent except for the sounds of their breathing, and the slight creaks that come from the bed every time they move a little.

Nagisa briefly shifts the angle of his hips without attention, and finds himself startled with the amount of pleasure that shoots through him. Just like last week, and how Karma managed to strike him with his finger earlier… except this time there’s been more build up. He can’t help but choke on his gasp a little, his whole body automatically clamping down around Karma as if to hold him there.

“Good?” Karma raises his head just a little, lips dancing on the edge of Nagisa’s ear.

“S-so good.”

Now he’s aiming for something, and seems affirmed that it actually feels good for Nagisa, he realises just how much Karma was actually holding back. He tries to shift back onto his elbows again, properly, but for some reason Nagisa won’t let him go, firmly wrapped around him and liking it that way. Actually, instead of letting Karma pull away from him, he tugs him in for a kiss.

It just feels like the most natural course of action. Karma obliges, though Nagisa was never worried he wouldn’t. He feels needy, but he can’t go without it. Kissing Karma feels as necessary as breathing in the air. Unfortunately, he does actually need to do that too, but there’s a really huge part of him that doesn’t actually want to.

“Hey,” Karma pulls away a little forcefully, though he looks amused. “I can’t move like this, you know.”

“S- _oh_ ,” Nagisa doesn’t get to finish his apology, because Karma thrusts into him hard.

Before Nagisa can even recover, he does it again, and then _again_ , and Nagisa starts to realise he’s actually set a pace. He tries his best to match it in a way, rocking his hips back against him, but for the most part all he seems to be able to do is just lie there. His hands slip away from Karma’s back, and instead he scrambles to hold onto the sheets, so he has at least _something_.

It’s kind of like the floodgates opened with his unintentional moan, because now he can’t really stop it. In a strange way, it seems to enhance the feeling too. It also helps that Karma[s not being entirely quiet, a few sounds escaping here and there. Nagisa wonders if it’s anything he’s doing… and if he can make him do it more.

He shifts his hips back with a little more enthusiasm, though it’s exceptionally hard to concentrate. Everything feels like so much, and he’s sure that after this it might feel even more strange _without_ Karma between his legs. It’s definitely not a conscious decision, but Nagisa finds himself almost clenching around Karma’s length, which creates a completely different sensation.

Karma freezes, and looks down at him. “Did you,” he pauses for breath, “do that on purpose?”

He turns his head to the side. “Maybe.”

“You-“

Karma lurches forward then, like he’s desperate to pin Nagisa down into the mattress. Nagisa feels a little too pleased with himself, like for once their roles are reversed and he’s the one pushing Karma’s buttons. He leans up, aiming to maybe get another one of their heated kisses, right at the moment Karma moves down.

_Smack._

“Ow,” they both say at the same time.

Actually, as the initial shock of what just happened wears off, Nagisa notices that it _really_ hurts. Smacking foreheads with someone is never fun, but Karma came at him with quite a bit of momentum… It’s only a few seconds before the outward pain starts to set in, along with what seems to be a run of the mill headache.

Nagisa feels ridiculous as he clutches his forehead. “That was…”

Although Karma’s erection most definitely twitches inside him, its owner seems more okay with staying still again. “Problem for later?”

“Later?”

Karma swallows. “Do you… _want_ to stop?”

“…Not really.”

He winces, though. “Maybe-“

Nagisa clenches around him again, tightening his legs too. “Don’t stop.”

Karma breathes in sharply, before moving again, practically sitting up so that their heads are no longer in danger. It still hurts, but everything else is so good he can’t keep his mind off it. He’s entirely sure the real pain, along with the emotional embarrassment, will set in once they’re done. Which, considering how good it feels when Karma speeds up again, probably won’t take them long.

Maybe Karma’s actually concerned, and trying to get it over with quicker. It doesn’t really matter to Nagisa in that moment, as everything else fades. He reaches between their bodies, grasping at Nagisa’s mostly neglected erection, and he knows he’s done for. With the combination of Karma inside him, and perfectly timed jerking off, there’s no way he’s going to last.

Oddly, though, Nagisa feels a tinge of incompleteness. It feels like this shouldn’t be the end, that he wants more. He wants to be here with Karma, and for it to go on for hours and hours more. Though, he’s not sure how long it’s even been already. He knows right away that this one time isn’t going to be _enough_.

His orgasm comes anyway, though. Considering the way the heat’s been building up, and how Karma seems to have perfectly timed the way he’s stroking him, it’s really not a surprise. Not like being punched straight in the gut. More like… a slow release of tingles that goes on for far longer than he’s used to. Actually, it’s kind of like when they went to the space station together, and they were floating around in zero gravity.

Of course, he’s moaning something or other whilst it happens. Karma’s stroking him through it too, unbothered about the amount of release that’s getting all over his hand. He also seems to know exactly when it gets too much, because suddenly Nagisa feels this massive loss, and he’s lying there empty. All he has to do is blink, vaguely aware of the grunt Karma makes when he finishes himself off with his own hand.

 _Huh_.

“I’ll clean up,” Karma suddenly says, and then the mattress shifts and he’s gone.

Nagisa lies there, his eyes fixed up at the ceiling. Is it over? He’s not sure how to feel at all, mostly from the fact that he feels _nothing_ except a little sore and exhausted. There’s no way to claim virginity anymore, he’s sure. Nothing’s different, really, apart from the sore ache between his legs, though he’s sure that’s not permanent.

Also, his head’s really starting to hurt now.

The only thought he can really muster is: _did that really just happen?_ It feels… surreal. In the end, it wasn’t _that_ big a deal, truly. The empty feeling doesn’t help though. Nagisa can’t help but wrinkle his nose at it, both physically and mentally. It’s all he can do to lie there and catch his breath.

Karma comes back with some kind of cloth, and all Nagisa can do is just watch him as he cleans him off a little, wiping the semen off his stomach. Nagisa’s actually glad he’s kind of out of it, because under any other circumstance his mind would have been racing again. All he can think is that it’s kind of nice, for Karma to be doing this.

“The phrase ‘screwing your brains out’ isn’t meant to be literal,” Karma huffs, deciding Nagisa’s been silent for too long. “You don’t have a concussion, do you?”

“I’ve had worse,” he croaks.

A smile dances on his face. “You have a pretty hard skull. You should’ve used it more, back in 3E.”

Nagisa attempts to murmur a ‘thanks’, but he’s not sure how well it actually comes out.

Karma clears his throat. “You should take a shower.” And then, when Nagisa doesn’t respond, “Trust me, you’ll feel really gross if you don’t.”

Realistically, he should have expected to be kicked out of Karma’s bed. What was he planning to do, lie there all night? A part of him feels deeply compelled to just do what he says, though, the reservations he had about showering in Karma’s home gone for a moment. He supposes there’s no excuse he can muster anymore, now that they’ve done _that_.

What Nagisa finds, though, is that standing isn’t quite as easy as it looks. It’s like his legs don’t even remember how they work anymore, buckling the moment they’re flat on the ground. He grabs onto the mattress in time, at least so he can stay upright. When he tries to take an actual step, it really is like this shooting pain running through him, and he has to grit his teeth.

“Do you need-“

“I’m _fine_ ,” Nagisa affirms, though he can’t hide his limp. 

Now he’s _determined_ to make it. It’s okay once he gets the hang of his limbs, though it does really hurt, and feels _exactly_ like he’s had something shoved up inside him. Somehow, though, he knows it’s not enough to put him off forever. He’s heard here and there that the first time is always supposed to suck, at least a little bit.

Nagisa works a little on autopilot, turning on Karma’s shower and standing under the spray. The pressure is nice on his back, at least, if nothing else. He gets the feeling he’d really like a bath, but that definitely feels like ‘too far’. It’s bad enough as it is. Worse still, he realises he’s going to have to use Karma’s body wash. He knows he probably won’t mind, or even notice, but it still feels intimate in another way. Sure, he could just wash with water, but that doesn’t feel right to him.

He finds a spark of amusement that what he finds is clearly marketed more to women, with its swirly writing, light colour scheme, and ‘Sweet Caramel And Cinnamon’ scent promise. Of course, Nagisa knows that doesn’t matter. Maybe it has something to do with his upbringing, but he knows more than anyone that a packet being pink doesn’t necessarily alter the contents inside. It smells good, anyway, though Karma usually smells so strongly of incense it likely gets covered.

Once he’s clean enough for his own standards, though, he realises a pretty big problem. He doesn’t have a towel. He can see a towel, hanging conveniently on the back of the door, but that just feels _weird_. Then again, why would he _expect_ Karma to have multiple towels? Maybe he has a spare, but if he does Nagisa can’t see it, and he doesn’t feel like getting Karma’s floors wet searching for it.

For a moment, he swears he hears the doorbell, but he convinces himself his mind is just racing, trying to push him to a conclusion. Accepting that he doesn’t have much of a choice in it, he wraps the towel around him, trying his absolute best not to let his mind race. Instead of just having it around his waist, he covers his whole body, towel sitting nicely under his elbows. Fortunately, the height difference between he and Karma means that’s pretty easy to do.

He feels awkward, entering the bedroom again, having peered round to check that Karma hadn’t already got up. Maybe it’s even more awkward, if he’s just been lying there waiting. Unfortunately, Nagisa’s clothes are also in that room, so there’s nothing he can do about it. What he doesn’t expect to see, though, is Karma stretched out casually on the bed with a McDonald’s bag in one hand, a bag of frozen pees held against his forehead with the other.

“I was going to cook,” he explains, “but I couldn’t be bothered. So I got uber eats. Nugget?”

It seems like all their younger years of ending up in McDonalds did Karma some good, because Nagisa can clearly see the teriyaki burger meal he usually orders. Not that Nagisa indulges in fast food that often anymore. Even if konbini ready meals are an embarrassingly large part of his diet, he at least maintains the notion that they’re a tiny bit more healthy.

“S-should we really eat in bed?”

Karma shrugs. “I’ll have to change the sheets later anyway. Besides, you don’t want to sit on the floor right now.”

Nagisa can’t help but agree. At the very least, he manages to find his underwear on the floor, not too thrilled with the idea of climbing into bed completely naked. It’s a smart move, luring him in with food, and Nagisa can’t think about much other than how hungry he is, when he first takes a bite into a slightly sad fry.

It’s not quite as easy a transition into ‘friend time’ as usual, considering they’re both mostly naked, but all the same it feels okay to be with Karma like this. Like nothing particularly odd even happened between them. It’s nothing like cuddling together or whispering sweet things into each other’s ears… but Nagisa wouldn’t want anything like that anyway. Right?

“At this rate we’ll end up on _Sex Sent Me To The ER_ ,” Karma jokes, when Nagisa reaches for a secondary bag of frozen food Karma probably meant for him.

Nagisa frowns at the English title. “What?”

The only explanation Karma gives is “It’s American. Daytime TV.”

He decides not to question why Karma knows American Daytime TV shows. Most people just watch Friends. But he’s sure Karma has a story, and he’s not sure he wants to know. Lest he… end up on it or something? They’re not _that_ disastrous, surely? His head hurts a little now, but he’s probably not going to end up in the hospital.

“Thanks for the food,” Nagisa says once he’s done eating.

“Thanks for the orgasm,” Karma replies nonchalantly.

He splutters.

“What?” He tilts his head. “It’s the least I could do. It’s not just anyone I buy McDonald’s for. You _should_ be grateful.”

_Yeah, so grateful._

“I said thank you!”

Karma crawls over him, pushing all the food to the side. “You could thank me again.”

“A-already?” He feels close to a sweat, not sure if Karma’s just teasing him or not. Nagisa’s pretty good at detecting it, usually, but when it comes to sex… he still has a lot to learn.

“Why not?” He shrugs. “There’s lots of other stuff we cou-“

Nagisa finds an out, rolling out from under him with his sudden nerves. “On second thought,” he says, searching frantically for his clothes, “I’m kind of tired actually.”

Karma just looks amused, now sitting up on his bed. “There’s plenty of time before the trains stop. You could take a nap.”

“It’s alright!” He says, pulling his shirt on. “U-uhm… This was fun. Let’s do it again sometimeokaybye-“

Unfortunately for him, Karma’s pretty quick, and he manages to almost beat Nagisa to the front door. It’s not like Nagisa actually desperately needs space… but he does want some time to think. And he’s definitely too overwhelmed to even think about having sex with Karma again. At least tonight.

“Hey,” his tone is more serious now. “Are you… okay?”

Nagisa feels shy when he nods. “I am. I just… really am kind of tired. I’ll… see you next week?”

Karma’s shoulders drop some of their tension. “Yeah. Don’t try and sit on the train… unless you want people to look at you funny.”

Whether that’s a part of Karma’s teacher persona desperately trying to come through at the last minute or not, Nagisa ends up leaving with just the slightest twinge of irritation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really hard to find a balance between realism, 'porn', and comedy, honestly. I hope I made it JUST awkward enough. Next time: some actual drama.


	8. Lesson Eight (improper use of a necktie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa starts to wonder when this whole arrangement with Karma's going to reach its conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im really churning out these updates huh

Winter is usually a sad time for Nagisa.

He’s not one of those people who gets particularly effected by the seasons, but there’s something to be said, in the brightness of summer. Winter is cold, and dark, and involves watching so many of the plants around him die for a little while. Mostly, though, it’s just lonely. Nagisa can feel it in the hushed discussions in his class already, about who’s dating who on Christmas Eve. He sees it in news articles about arrangements for New Years, or something like that.

In fact, in just a few weeks’ time, Tokyo will turn into a ghost town. Or, as much of a ghost town as the largest city in the world can be. People like him, young adults who moved to the city to pursue some kind of career goal, automatically scatter like snowflakes in the wind, back to whichever portion of the countryside they come from.

Nagisa’s parents still live in Kunugigaoka, barely an hour by car from his apartment, and still only a little longer when you take all the train changes into account. It’s not that Nagisa doesn’t like spending New Years with them… it’s just odd. They’ve been remarried for a while now, and his mother has been a lot better for some time, but there’s still a wedge between them. Nagisa wouldn’t feel particularly hollow, if he missed the usual celebration.

Also, he’s never had a Christmas Eve date.

The fact that it falls on a Saturday this year hasn’t escaped him. His and Karma’s arrangement varies week by week, depending on work. Nagisa likes it on Fridays more, since at least there’s something to distract him from not eating all day. But… maybe he could play it off like he was having an ‘end of year’ celebration with work, or something.

Another factor is whether their whole arrangement even lasts that long.

The thing is, Nagisa _likes_ sex. Nowadays, he actually anticipates and actively wants to do it, which is a new and slightly inconvenient revelation. He feels strangely well versed in it now. He has a _favourite position_ , and he knows what Karma’s is, too. After the first time, too, Karma started actually giving him instructions, and Nagisa keeps notes on all of them. The only thing he wonders is how much there left there is to actually teach him. At what point are they just having sex… for fun? Can they really just go back to being normal friends at some point?

After Karma’s ardent demonstration of ‘doggy style’ two weeks ago, Nagisa thinks any normal friendship is forever off the cards.

He’s fully aware that he’s overthinking it. But thinking is one of the things Nagisa just _does_. Unfortunately, it’s not always the most useful, and tends to spiral out of control when he doesn’t have much of a target to actually focus it on. And unpicking every part of his and Karma’s ‘relationship’ certainly isn’t ideal. Besides… they’re friends, aren’t they? They’ve saved the world together, they’ve flown to space, they’ve… beat each other bloody, a couple of times, sure. Regular sex isn’t the _weirdest_ thing to add to the list.

The reason his mind is running off like this is because he actually arrived at Karma’s house early. It’s not unusual for him to be a few minutes early for their agreed meeting time, after all he doesn’t get to choose the train timetable. It doesn’t usually matter, except Karma texted him five minutes ago to say he had something to do for the next fifteen or so minutes.

There’s worse things he could be doing, than loitering around. Even though he’s cold, and getting a little impatient, it doesn’t matter. So what if they start things a little later than usual? Maybe it would do them some good. The cold, however, isn’t much. He stares at the closed door, willing the time to just disappear already.

He convinces himself it’s the reason why he’s suddenly pacing around the balcony, as opposed to being completely lost in thought. What does he even _have_ to think about, really? He’s _fine_. He’s happy with whatever he gets from Karma, whatever he’s willing to give him. So he has no need to debate something so simple over and over. That all gets cut off by the way he suddenly clashes into something. _Someone_.

“Oh my!”

“Ah-“ Nagisa mentally curses himself in every way he knows how, because he’s just walked into a poor elderly woman who was just trying to go home. “I’m so sorry!” He bows, too, completely forty five degrees bent over. Maybe he should get on the floor?

The woman just chuckles, though. “No, no. I should have seen you walking here. Do you live in the building?”

“N-no,” he straightens himself out. “I’m just visiting.”

Her eyes dart between the apartment doors. “You’re not ‘Nagisa’, by any chance?”

 _How does she know his name?!_ Nagisa immediately locks up out of habit, because how else should he react to that? Then, barely even half a second later, he really focuses on the woman. Fortunately for him, he’s pretty good at detecting whether someone has good or bad intentions. Right away, he can tell this woman has nothing bad in mind for him… but he’s not entirely sure if it’s _good_ either.

She laughs, cutting off the tension a little. “No need to act shy around me, dear. Karma kun’s a nice young man, I’m just glad to see he’s settled down with something. Though… You do look pretty young, if you don’t mind my saying.”

“I’m twenty four!” He feels the need to defend.

“You’re skinny,” she muses. “Come inside and eat a biscuit.”

There’s a certain kind of command to her voice which makes Nagisa feel compelled to follow her. As it turns out, she’s Karma’s literal next door neighbour. He feels very odd, entering the apartment, which is pretty much the identical layout to Karma’s, except mirrored. It’s also nothing like the apartment of any other old woman he’s ever seen. Most notably is the strange artwork around the place… some of which is oddly phallic.

“Please,” she says, “take a seat. I’ll put some tea on.”

Well… Nagisa still has ten minutes or so. Apart from his obligatory feeling of being here, after practically ramming into the woman, he’s struck with minor curiosity. He feels vulgar, thinking dirty in an old lady’s apartment, but the more he looks, the more he seems to be surrounded by penises, like he’s fallen into some kind of lucid nightmare.

“Thank you,” he says when she returns, sipping rather a lot of the tea despite it burning his tongue.

She smiles. “It’s no trouble at all.”

He stares into his cup for a moment. “I didn’t realise Karma was close with any of his neighbours.”

Her expression remains stagnant. “Well, I actually moved here after him. I used to live in Shinjuku, but my place was too big and busy to keep up with. He helped me with some of my boxes.” 

Considering how big these apartments are, and she supposedly came from somewhere much bigger and in _Shinjuku_ , she’s definitely rich. Though, Karma doesn’t exactly live in the suburbs _either_. As far as Nagisa understood, most people retired to the actual countryside. Considering the circumstances, he figures she was probably actually _born_ in Tokyo.

Nagisa also wrinkles his nose, trying to imagine the scene of _Karma_ helping some old woman selflessly. Not that Karma can’t be nice, exactly. But as far as Nagisa knows him, simply lending a helping hand isn’t a part of his moral code. Then again, Karma definitely lives by his own set of morals, and Nagisa can’t even try to pretend that he understands exactly what they are.

“That was nice of him,” he says, because what else can he?

“I thought so too,” she pushes the aforementioned biscuits towards him. “I’m Hisaishi Fumiko, by the way.”

 _Right_. “Shiota Nagisa,” he introduces properly, “though I prefer to be called Nagisa.”

Hisaishi san doesn’t seem fazed, at least. “Difficult family?”

“Um-“

She _laughs_. “I used to hear it all, when I worked properly. Working people out was always a huge part of the fun… Yes, you remind me of that too. You have quick eyes.”

“Were you some kind of therapist?”

“In a way,” there’s a glint in her gaze. “Mother, wife, _disciplinarian_ … I took many roles back in those days. But enough about me. Is Karma kun treating you well?”

He shifts in his seat. “Uhm… I’m sorry if I misled you, but I’m not his _boyfriend_.”

Surprisingly, she just shrugs. “Well, whatever they’re calling it these days. Sex friend? Hookup? The question still applies.” She pauses. “Don’t look so embarrassed, dear. There’s many benefits to having a regular partner, even if you’re not emotionally invested.”

All of a sudden, Nagisa feels like he’s falling into a hole. “How do yo-“

Her smile widens. “Kids these days are moving away from their family homes much sooner. With it comes a lack of practise with volume control.”

 _Oh no_. No. Suddenly it makes perfect _horrific_ sense how she knows his name. Is Karma really _that_ loud? Nagisa’s never really noticed it before, maybe because he’s probably louder than that and- oh _no_. His eyes fix on the window, wondering how quickly he’d die if he managed to _jump out of it_. Or maybe tossing himself on top of the stove would be a quicker demise?

Instead, he downs the cup of tea in one gulp. “I-it was very nice m-meeting you, Hisaishi san. But I, uhm, I really have to go now.”

“Of course,” she stands up herself. “I don’t want to keep you. Actually, I should be heading out myself for the evening. Do tell Karma kun ‘hello’ from me, won’t you?”

“I will,” he ducks his head, trying to get his shoes on as quickly as possible in the doorway.

They set out, and she locks it behind them. “I’ll see you again sometime!”

She seems like a lovely woman, but a spike of dread rushes through him at the mere _suggestion_. At least she seems okay with it? Not that that’s much of a take away. Maybe he will suggest doggy style again just so he can burry his face into a _pillow_. At least she’s going to be out. He still can’t believe they’d both been so careless about that kind of thing.

When Karma actually opens his door, though, he’s still on the phone. He nods his greeting, but that’s pretty much all Nagisa gets, before he walks off again back into the living space. From the sounds of it, it’s a word thing, full of economic buzz words Nagisa fails to wrap his head around. It makes him feel oddly childish, as he sits there and listens.

 _Finally_ , it comes. “It’ll be sorted over the weekend, okay? Listen- I have to go.” The voice on the other end of the speaker keeps talking, almost frantically, but Karma makes a show of hanging it up.

“Was that important?”

Karma practically launches himself onto the sofa with a lazy sigh. “Not really.” And then, “Work stuff.”

Immediately, Nagisa feels like he’s misplaced in being here. He doesn’t want Karma to put stuff off just to see him. As much as he knows social life is important, too… He just hates the thought that he might be a burden. Karma does look tired, at least. Perhaps now’s a good time, then, to talk, rather than do anything in the bedroom.

“Oh,” he says, and sits down beside him. “I didn’t realise it was so stressful.”

“It always is,” he shrugs, “but everyone gets like this before the New Year.”

“Karma,” he tries. “About everything…”

He looked at him funny. “Hm?”

“I-I just wanted to say thank you, for… using up your time with all of this.” He took a deep breath. “We’ve done a lot of stuff already now… and you’ve shown me so much already. So I was thinking, what is there left to teach? When do I graduate? …or something. I just don’t want you to waste time you don’t have, I mean.”

There seems to be a lot of emotions going through Karma’s mind, but he actually starts to laugh. “What, you think you’re experienced now?”

“N-no,” Nagisa feels his fight or flight response rising. “I just don’t know how much there is left to show me.”

“There’s plenty,” he shrugs

That catches Nagisa off guard. “Like what?”

“W-well,” Karma springs to his feet, as though he’s full of determination. “There’s other stuff,” Karma says, not quite looking at him. “It doesn’t just _end_ here. We’ve been pretty vanilla so far, actually.”

Vanilla? Like the ice cream? “I don’t know what you mean.”

Karma swallows, though. “Even _you_ must know what kinks are.”

“L-like handcuffs and cosplay and stuff?”

He nods enthusiastically. “Exactly! There’s… way more to it than that, though. BDSM is pretty complicated.”

Admittedly, Nagisa doesn’t really know. Of course, he’s not completely stupid. He’s heard of the concept… people who like to be hurt or tied up or insulted during sex. It’s not something he’s ever even remotely considered for himself. But then again, he hadn’t considered ‘vanilla’ sex either. If Karma has this much more to show him… Nagisa feels incapable of actually saying no.

“How do we do that?”

“You want to?” Karma actually looks taken aback.

 _Why does he sound surprised?_ “You just said-“

“Okay,” Karma cuts him off. Now he’s pacing? Why’s he pacing? “First you have to talk about what stuff you like.”

Heat rises to Nagisa’s face. “I don’t know what that is. I… haven’t tried it.”

“ _Of course you haven’t_ ,” falls from Karma’s lips. “And you’ve never… imagined it?”

“I never even really thought about the normal stuff.”

The look on Karma’s face is almost painful. Nagisa feels comfortable around him most of the time, but this is a fresh reminder of the gaps in their sex experiences. Thinking about it, it makes perfect sense that Karma’s into to something weird like that. How much has he been holding back on him? Nagisa’s unsure if he actually wants to know that.

“Explain it,” he requests, as clearly as he can manage. As if to emphasise himself, he decides to stand, feeling too much like an actual student whilst sitting down.

“Well…” Karma physically straightens his back. “Usually, you have one person who’s more dominant, and one who’s submissive. And then the dominant one does whatever it is to the submissive.”

Nagisa tilts his head. “So… you want to do that kind of stuff to me?”

His eyes widen, and there’s a tint of flush across his cheeks. “If that’s the role you want.”

“What role do you usually have?” He can’t really imagine actually doing _stuff_ to Karma.

“I don’t mind,” he says too quickly. “I could like both.”

“But you know what you’re doing...”

Karma swallows. “Let’s try something. You don’t know if you’ll even like it. But… you really need to trust me.”

He feels serious as he meets his eyes. “Of course I trust you.”

Somehow, the moment Karma takes his hand, he knows exactly where he’s being led. Nagisa feels less sensitive to the anticipation of sex, now, but this is something else entirely. Nagisa’s never been anything but curious, though, and he genuinely wants to know what Karma has in plan. There’s also a weird anxiety brewing, though.

“Take this off,” Karma tugs at the hem of shirt.

Nagisa doesn’t hesitate to do what he says. It’s not exactly a huge ask. Karma doesn’t necessarily _tell_ him to undress usually… but it’s fine. Karma doesn’t usually stare at him so intensely, though. It really starts to build on his nerves. It doesn’t matter how many times Karma’s seen him naked already at this point… being watched is still nerve-wracking.

“Okay,” Karma says steadily. “Hold out your wrists.”

“Wh-“

He tilts his head. “You just said you trusted me, didn’t you? Going back on it so soon?”

Determination wins out against embarrassment, apparently. “ _No_.”

Even so, it takes a lot for him to actually do as Karma says. However apprehensive he is, though, he’s also curious, and it feels like there’s nobody better in the world to teach him this. So, he pulls his wrists together, and holds them out like an offering. Karma gives him a look over for just a second, before violently yanking the tie from around his neck.

The material feels soft around Nagisa’s wrist as he’s bound, which surprises him for some reason. It’s odd, because Nagisa knows what a tie feels like of course, even though this one is a higher quality material to any he owns. This kind of sex, what they’ve been talking about… isn’t it supposed to be about pain? Yet, for some reason, Karma’s being really delicate with whatever well practised knot he’s tying, and it feels nice and soft.

A look passes between them, before Karma slowly goes down to his knees. Even at that height, Nagisa’s not that much taller, so he doesn’t feel like he’s been given some huge vantage. His hands come out, right then, gripping him at the narrowest point of his waist. His fingers dig in harshly, just on the threshold of actual pain, before they stroke down the curve of his hips.

Though he’s moving slowly, it doesn’t feel like Karma’s wasting time when he addresses the button and zipper of his trousers. They’re kind of loose on him, anyway, so they pool at the floor without much effort, and he kicks them off the rest of the way. The underwear follows, though Karma has to slide it off properly, his hands stroking down the length of his legs in the process.

Nagisa’s not sure he likes the sensation of being naked whilst Karma’s fully clothed, the unequal balance throwing him off. Of course, logically, he knows that he literally consented to this just minutes before. And, in that moment, he decides he still stands by it. He does want Karma to lead the way, like he’s already been doing. This is just… pushing it further.

He’s definitely not _hard_ , yet, but it’s clear that he’s showing interest in what’s happening. It’s enough for Karma, apparently, one hand supporting his length, and the other travelling around the squeeze his ass as he leans far enough forward enough to take him into his mouth. The effect sets in immediately. Nagisa has no real control of the gasp that leaves him, and it’s like all his blood rushes south at once.

_Yeah, that’ll do it._

Unlike normal, though, Nagisa finds that he’s unable to grip Karma’s hair, something that usually grounds him to the please. Just like that, he knows he’s frustrated. All he can do is curl his toes and squeeze his eyes shut as some kind of outlet. He can tell, though, that Karma’s not trying to get him off like this. It’s way too… good? Nagisa’s not sure how to describe it, but if Karma’s planning to get him off like this, he would probably take it a lot slower.

“Get on the bed,” he orders, apparently satisfied that he’s turned on enough.

At first, Nagisa doesn’t really feel compelled to, at least not without questioning it. He figures that this kind of thing is all part of it, though. Can he really let go enough? Nagisa figures he can at least try, though, taking a step backwards until the backs of his legs are against the mattress. Legs shaking a little, he sits down on the edge of the bed.

“ _Properly_ ,” Karma says, like he’s impatient.

Nagisa’s not entirely sure what he means. He scoots back, though, difficult without the use of his hands. It makes him feel weirdly on display, as he lies himself flat. It doesn’t help that Karma’s also fully clothed, minus the tie currently around Nagisa’s wrists. Beneath the weird feeling, though, the anticipation is definitely still there, and he’s curious to see what Karma will do.

As it turns out, he doesn’t climb onto the bed with him. Instead, he skirts around the side of it, and takes Nagisa’s wrists into his hands. Nagisa can only watch in slight fascination as he reworks the knot ever so slightly, raising them above his head to tie securely to the bed’s head board. Just like that, Nagisa finds he’s pretty much trapped in this position.

“Does it hurt?”

Nagisa tries an experimental tug. The strain isn’t too bad, and he figures if he really tried to, it’s not so secure he couldn’t just get out of it. But, this is more about fantasy, isn’t it? “No.

Karma nods, before fetching the lube from the bedside table. Like a learned reflex, Nagisa flinches at the sound of the bottle being opened, but knows by now to spread his legs for it. Except usually, at this point, they’re both already in the middle of things. Nagisa supposes that starting with the blow job, arguably, counts… but that’s just him. And, like this, Karma’s still standing above him and watching him.

Even when he does join him on the bed, after an unsettling period of staring, he’s still standing on his knees, looming. Nagisa can’t stop him, though, when he picks up his legs and shifts them into a position where he’s kneeling between them. Offhandedly, Karma had mentioned before that they don’t really need to spend much time on this step. Nagisa’s more used to being stretched, now, and as long as they use lots of lube and take it slow, it shouldn’t hurt him. He likes it, though. Karma’s fingers feel good.

He can’t help but keen into it, with the way Karma’s fingers press against his entrance. For a moment, it seems like Karma’s toying with the idea of teasing him even more, but then he breeches him in one go. Nagisa’s used to this by now. He’s fully relaxed when it happens, anyway, so the pain is pretty much inexistant.

Also, Karma knows exactly where his prostate is.

It’s a lot, though, all at once. Rather than just going entirely in on that spot, he pumps his one finger in and out, before slipping in the second one. Nagisa forgets if he had any apprehension to this, especially when Karma puts his other hand on his erection as well. In fact, the fact that he’s currently tied up evaporates from his mind almost completely.

The only part of it Nagisa’s not sure about is how unequal he feels. Karma himself taught him that, that generally he shouldn’t just lie there without doing anything himself. But… his ability for that’s kind of been taken away from him. All he can do is squeeze his legs around Karma’s waist a little, not that that’s getting him anywhere.

He knows that he wants to reach for him and tug him in, because his lips are starting to feel cold and neglected. He also does want to make Karma feel good too. Unless this already _does_ feel good to him? Nagisa doesn’t know. But… looking at him, he doesn’t look completely uninvolved. It’s hard to concentrate, with the insistent way his fingers are moving inside him, but he can sense the heaviness in his expression.

Nagisa figures he guessed right, when he withdraws both his hands to unbutton his shirt. It’s jarring, going from such an amount of sensation to nothing so fast. He’s… frustrated. And he knows he wants something more. Karma seems to sense the same thing, because he couldn’t have taken that shirt off slower if he _tried_. There’s a knowing smirk on his face, too, when he does the same with his trousers. No, there’s no worry about enjoyment anymore. Karma’s clearly enjoying this too much.

At the sight of him reaching for a condom, Nagisa breathes a sigh of relief. _Finally_.

Unfortunately, though, Karma doesn’t line himself up once he has it on. In fact, he just knees there, between Nagisa’s legs, and slowly starts to jerk him off again. And, okay, Nagisa would have been completely fine with that if this was at the start of everything… but now he knows he wants more. He won’t be satisfied until he’s full.

“Just do it already.”

Karma smirks. “I thought I was the one in charge here?”

Nagisa writhes and squirms, tries to tug his hands away but then realises he can’t, as Karma just slowly jerks him off. It’s almost entirely at his own leisure, as though he’s doing it to please _himself_ more than anything. And of course, it’s frustrating, but there’s just the tinniest hint of something else there. A deep dark kind of pleasure that’s entirely different from the physical sensation.

“P-please,” he finally gives in, the plea frightening as it slips out of him.

Karma’s gaze maintains its glint, though. “Please what?”

He’s close to screaming. “In me. _Now_.” 

“Well, if you insist.”

He enters him in one go, and it’s _almost_ too much for Nagisa to handle. Every time they’ve done this, he’s found it less and less uncomfortable. Like his body’s slowly being trained to adapt to it. Right there, though, it doesn’t hurt. At least, not really. Really it’s more just the shock of being so full out of nowhere, and his breathing’s misaligned.

Karma looks down at him, like that’s some kind of solace. “Okay?”

Nagisa just about nods. It’s the only answer he feels capable of giving. Other than that, he squeezes his legs again, the best encouragement he can give for Karma to move. It doesn’t hurt, so he doesn’t see the point in caution. He’s craving the friction. It’s almost as though he wants Karma to somehow mark him from the inside out.

He’s being kind of lazy with it, though, and Nagisa knows it. Their first time… he understands why he held back a little. He’s grateful for it, even. But now they’ve become more comfortable with each other, and he knows how much he can realistically take… Well, he knows Karma’s certainly capable of going both a lot faster and harder. Perhaps it’s just the situation, but that’s what Nagisa wants, instead of this slow rocking. He wants to _feel_ it.

“Faster,” he tries.

“Not unless you ask properly~”

That catches Nagisa’s attention, amongst all the good feelings. Ask properly? How’s he supposed to do that? Didn’t he ask already? Does Karma want him to say ‘please’ again? Nagisa knows he was pretty desperate before, but he’s not sure how much he’s willing to literally beg for. But maybe it’s worth it.

There’s also the fact that Karma purposely slows down even more.

“Please,” he squeezes his thighs around his hips tighter. “Will you pick up the pace?”

“Alright alright,” Karma has the nerve to laugh. “Relax.”

Nagisa’s head falls back against the pillow, and his throat opens up in a cry. This is what he needs. Karma’s holding him at the waist, shoving him back on his length with every movement of his hips. He keeps tilting, too, trying to find that perfect angle. And he’s so close… Unfortunately for him, it’s hard to shift his own position much like this.

It’s only a matter of time, before he manages to find it on his own. Nagisa’s so relieved, in fact, that the word “yes” slips from his lips despite his intent.

_That’s embarrassing._

It does the opposite of deterring Karma, though, who just picks up the pace even further. Usually, at this point, Nagisa would be grabbing onto his back and pulling him closer to him, but he can’t. He can’t even grip anything to ground himself. It’s good, though. Nagisa tosses his head back and arches his back, at least, though in the background he can feel the tug at his wrists.

Now that Karma’s picked up, his satisfaction just builds and builds. He knows he won’t actually finish until Karma strokes him, though. And he definitely can’t do that as he currently is. He just has to count on Karma knowing when he’s close. Which is pretty much right now, from how much he’s burning. The longer he’s like this, though, the worse it’ll get.

Should he ask?

“Karma,” he moans out, but it’s hard to string words together whilst he’s getting pounded like this. “Karma-“

Karma doesn’t slow down or stop to listen to him, though.

“Please,” he tries again, as though that’s some kind of magic word. “So close.”

He doesn’t start jerking him off, though. At those words, he actually does stop, before pulling out entirely. Nagisa almost screams in frustration. _Why_? Karma actually has the nerve to laugh, possibly at his expression, before he grabs him by the hips again, hauling him up. Before Nagisa even knows what’s happening, he grabs him under the back, before suddenly he’s being tossed. 

It takes him a moment to figure out the position Karma’s manipulating him into, quite literally since he’s still positioning his legs. He’s on his knees, even tighter against the headboard, and he’s more than aware of Karma kneeling behind him. They’ve done this position before, but Nagisa was actually able to hold his weight on his has hands, that way. Now it just feels like his ass is in the air.

Karma notices too, squeezing him roughly there before thrusting in to the hilt again. Nagisa groans, turning his face so that his mouth is being covered by his right arm. He’s deeper than before, like this, and Nagisa can feel him better. Every single inch. He continues to gasp and moan into his arm, rocking his hips back against it immediately, just as Karma grips him by the waist and pulls him back onto him.

It doesn’t take him long at all, then, the rebuild to his previous heights. From the incoherent, slightly muffled noises he’s making, he’s pretty sure that much is obvious. Then _finally_ , Karma’s hand slips from his waist to round his front, and he wraps it around his much neglected erection. Nagisa keens immediately, his body unsure whether to try and buck forwards into his hand, or back onto his length.

“Hang on,” Karma says.

He only whines in response, because he’s not sure that he _can_. As much as he clenches his teeth, he’s already about to fall down that spiral. Karma keeps his hand on his erection, but rather than really concentrating on getting him off with it, his own hips are moving without pace, and Nagisa’s very much just along for the ride.

“Karma, he just about calls out, “I’m-“

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence, before whatever will he actually still had snaps. It’s pretty intense, like that, with Karma still pounding away at him, close enough that he’s practically throbbing inside him too. All he can do is ride it out, thankful at least that he can bury most of his noises into his arm.

Karma collapses on top of his back, like that, the weight of it knocking him flat – which isn’t the most comfortable position he’s ever been in. It’s nice, though, in a way. The faster and rougher pace of things felt good, but Nagisa also really likes it when their bodies rub together, like this constant push and pull. Maybe next time.

Right here, though, he’s exhausted. And his wrists are sore.

Karma doesn’t stay on top of him for long. “I’m just going to clean this up a bit, okay?”

He nods weakly, vaguely aware of him getting off the bed and exiting the room. Well, Nagisa came all over his hand, so it’s natural that he wants to wash it off. He hears him doing just that, at the sound of running water. Nagisa knows at least that it won’t take him that long to clean off, and he usually comes back before he can start to miss him.

Finally, he gains the sense to move out of his position, before the sudden realisation that he can’t. Karma forgot to untie him.

He tries his hardest to twist his wrists out of it, but he’s _tired_. His arms have been in that position for a while, and his brain is half turned to mush. At least he knows that Karma won’t be gone for long… He doesn’t exactly feel good about lying here like this, though. On the one hand, the situation is a tiny but funny, but on the other he feels weirdly vulnerable.

“Why are you still lying like that?” Karma asks. When Nagisa looks at him, his hair’s wet, so he clearly jumped under the shower.

“You,” his throat is a little dry, “you didn’t untie me.”

“ _Right_ ,” Karma realises, and comes to his aid. “Sorry.”

Nagisa feels relief at the use of his arms again, taking care to roll over to the side of the bed that doesn’t have semen all over it. He feels a little bad about that. Maybe he’ll get Karma new bed sheets for his birthday, since he has to keep washing them because of him. His wrists are a tiny bit red, but they’re not rubbed raw or anything.

“How do you feel?” Karma perches on the end of the bed.

Nagisa blinks at him. “Good? Tired?”

“So,” he tries, “you’re into all of that?”

There’s way too much to unpack so soon. “I… I didn’t dislike it.”

Karma looks a little impatient, though. “You want to try more stuff?”

“Well,” Nagisa thinks of how to phrase it, “I’ll try whatever you have to show me.”

His inhale is sharp and audible, and there’s a strange expression on his face. “I’ll get you some food.”

Nagisa almost protests, but Karma can be weirdly fast when he wants to be. He’s not sure if he’s actually hungry or not, but he figures it can’t hurt him. His body is sore, though, enough so that he knows he’s going to spend the next day shifting around whenever he has to sit. At least hot water will help a little with that.

He’s over whatever reservations he had about taking showers here now. Mostly because it’s a much better option than the feeling of lube and sweat and his own release all over him. It does mean, though, that his mind’s given the opportunity to wander, without much threat to his privacy. And Nagisa’s not the best at shutting the thoughts out.

 _Did_ he like that? Well, he’d come pretty hard, so he doesn’t think he can argue that he hated it by any means. But sex is sex, at least to his understanding. Even without the extra stuff, it probably would have felt good. But did the extras make him feel _better_? Nagisa thinks about it, and he knows that it was intense at least. And he’s definitely not against doing more.

By the time he’s done in the shower, and dressed to a decent standard, he can smell something being cooked. His stomach rumbles, and he’s actually glad that Karma insisted, even though it also feels like his insides just got majorly tossed around. He ventures out a little shyly, almost a little shamed to admit that this is one of his favourite parts of his arrangement with Karma.

“What are you making?”

Karma flinches, as though he didn’t hear him come in, but turns over his shoulder. “Just egg fried rice. I put one of my best spices from Malaysia in it, though.”

Nagisa tilts his head. “When did you go to Malaysia?”

“Nagisa, you’ve _heard_ of E commerce, right?”

“O-oh,” he flushes. He’s not sure why he didn’t think of that. “ _Right_.”

There’s a half smile across Karma’s face. “I had a couple of days off last summer. I wouldn’t say I’m that into travelling, but I felt like a change of pace. I picked the spices up from a market just outside Kuala Lumpur. Anyway, it’s done, eat up.”

Nagisa takes his bowl graciously, and elects to kneel rather than directly sit on the floor. “Thanks for the food.”

As always, it’s absolute heaven in his mouth. Does Karma even _know_ how good he is at cooking? If Nagisa got to eat this kind of food every day, he’d probably get super fat. Nagisa admittedly doesn’t know that much about Malaysian spices, but he knows they compliment whatever else is in the bowl well, and all he wants to do is eat more and more of it.

“I didn’t see that you went anywhere,” Nagisa says.

“Well,” Karma shrugs. “It wasn’t planned. I was alone, anyway, so it’s not like anyone was taking pictures.”

He looks down at his now empty bowl. “I can’t imagine travelling alone.”

“It can be fun,” he offers. “You can just do what you want without having to worry about anyone else, but…” 

“But it’s also lonely?”

Karma’s quiet for a few seconds. “Something like that. Anyway. I have homework for you.”

“Homework?”

He nods. “You’ve always been good at research. So. Before we do anything else, you should look into this. If it’s actually something you want to do.”

Nagisa swallows. “And if I don’t?”

Karma leans back. “There’s still more stuff I can show you.”

He nods. “Okay.”

“Oh, by the way, can we do it on Saturday next week? I have a stupid work thing.”

 _Saturday, huh_? That’s the Saturday before Christmas Eve.

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it wasn't 100% obvious, Karma's really talking out of his ass here about being 'into BDSM'. He just wants an excuse to not have Nagisa walk away from him. I just want to make clear that you really shouldn't lie (not that he did directly...) about something like that. In any other circumstance, it would be a definite red flag. 
> 
> To be clear, they're both idiots in this field. I'm not saying you need to sign a full on contract every time you want to bring out handcuffs etc. in bed, but it's still important to talk about kink more than they really did. But fear not! They'll both research it, and the future of their... experiments... will be a lot healthier. But that's for next chapter.


	9. Lesson Nine (negotiations)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa tries to figure out what his kinks are, whilst balancing with his job at school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we really rollin huh

Nagisa’s not one for conspiracy theories, exactly. Definitely when he was younger, he used to be interested by them here or there, but after some of the crazy things he found people on the internet saying about Korosensei and his friends, after everything got out to the public, he wanted no association with those kinds of people. He doesn’t, then, buy into the theories about government surveillance over his web activities. Mostly because he’s experienced what being important enough for that is like first hand, and it doesn’t really describe him anymore.

But, hypothetically, if there is someone watching over his web searches… he feels bad for what they’re being exposed to.

His web browser has pages and pages of articles about this new world he seems to have entered. Sure, Nagisa’s always known that kink stuff can’t be that uncommon, but he never realised how big it actually is. There are some people, judging from the forums he’s found himself browsing, who dedicate their _lives_ to it. Nagisa’s already considered buying a second notebook.

He feels uncomfortable with any video examples, at least. Even now, with actual sexual experience under his belt, he still finds porn uncomfortable. Not that he has a reason to watch it, aside from research purposes. But the more extreme stuff… it’s hard to imagine how anyone actually enjoys this sort of thing. At the same time, though, reading doesn’t put him off as much. Nagisa knows, then, that he has to face the reality that if he’s really against this, he wouldn’t have spent so long researching.

 **Karma:** Are you still in the middle of your research?

 **Nagisa:** Shouldn’t you be at work?

 **Karma** : You know

 **Karma:** We still get lunch breaks

 **Karma:** Even at the government

 **Karma** : Even if they’re not at lunch time

 **Karma:** Shouldn’t YOU be nurturing the minds of today’s youth?

 **Nagisa:** PE class break.

 **Karma:** I thought so

 **Karma** : tierlist.xlsx

 **Nagisa:** Did you just send me an excel spreadsheet?

Admittedly, he’s apprehensive about opening it up, but his students are in their PE lesson and there’s nobody to see him do it. It’s not like Karma would send him anything too bad, right? Sure enough, he’s not affronted with anything graphic. It’s… just a spreadsheet table? Except, it’s actually pretty long. One side reads ‘rank’, and the other appears to be a list of… stuff

 **Nagisa:** I don’t really get it.

 **Karma:** It’s just a list of common fetishes

 **Karma:** I have a copy too

 **Karma:** It’s so we’re on the same page about the things we like

 **Karma** : All you have to do is rank from one to five

 **Karma:** One is something you’d never do, and five is something you really want to try

Nagisa’s discovered contracts such as these during his research. Though, it seems like it’s more associated with the hardcore stuff. Does Karma… mean he wants to do that? Scrolling through the list, Nagisa sees a mixture of things that seem pretty normal, stuff that almost makes his eyes pop out of his skull, and just… _weird_ things.

Now that Nagisa understands what he’s looking at, he feels a little more okay with it. Karma’s probably experienced with this, since he has a whole document ready. From what Nagisa’s already read, though, this kind of thing is often used to make sure the dominant isn’t liable for any assault claims, if the submissive suddenly changes their mind after the fact. That, or just general consent. Nagisa’s not sure how he feels about signing that _away_.

 **Nagisa:** I’m not sure I should sign anything.

 **Karma** : It’s not legally binding

 **Karma:** And it doesn’t require a signature

 **Karma:** Unless you’d rather just talk about it?

 **Nagisa:** I don’t mind filling it out. But, even if it’s not anything official, this kind of thing should be done on neutral territory, right?

 **Karma** : Let’s meet up in one of the cafés near work

 **Karma:** It’s like a ghost town here on the weekends

At the sound of the school bell, he turns his phone to silent and tucks it away. It suits him, anyway, to take his mind of all of that stuff for a little bit. Work might be the least preferable option for a lot of people, but Nagisa’s lucky enough to really enjoy his job. His students, on the other hand… They all look a little down as they walk into his classroom.

He’s not _that_ boring, is he?

“Okay,” he says after he’s taken absences. “What’s wrong?”

They all look between each other.

“Look,” he continues, “I know that it’s hard to keep the momentum up so close to the end of the year, but it’s still an important time. I might not be as important as third year, but you don’t want to finish the year on a low, do you?”

“It’s not that, Nagisa Sensei,” Morimoto says. “It’s… something was weird with Watanabe san.”

He’d noticed that she didn’t answer when he’d called her name. Unfortunately, though mysterious absences in the afternoon aren’t exactly a new thing with her. “I’m sure she’ll be fine,” he says. “It’s good that you’re worrying about your classmate, but there’s nothing you can do right now. I’ll check in on her after class, okay?”

Nagisa wishes that he could provide a better answer for them. Unfortunately, so he’s learnt, you can’t just solve an issue like this overnight. He is a little concerned, though. The end of the year is only a few months away, and although it’s not like she’ll be leaving the school, he won’t be her homeroom teacher anymore and it’ll pretty much be out of his hands.

He tries to get on with the lesson, and he almost misses the awkward sex education unit. At the very least, everyone was perked up and paying attention during those. Maths? Not so much. To be fair, the only reason Nagisa had paid attention to maths at their age was because _Karma_ was so good at maths, and he’d both wanted to achieve his level… and also impress him just a little.

A knock comes to the door, though. “Shiota Sensei, I’m sorry to interrupt.”

At the door is a very dejected looking Watanabe, and the headmaster right behind her, hand on her shoulder. “N-not at all,” he bows lightly.

“Go on,” he pushes Watanabe lightly, who crosses the room to her usual chair without taking her eyes off the floor. “Do you mind if we have a quick word?”

“Of course,” he says, before turning to the rest of the class. “Keep working on your exercises quietly.”

He can’t help but feel his level of concern spike, as he steps out into the hallway. He may be aware that Watanabe has the habit of skipping on her own terms, or somehow getting the nurse to let her out of class, but he’s never seen her be in actual trouble before. It’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with at _all_ , a couple of the more rowdy students had a few slips up here and there, but Watanabe isn’t like that.

“I would have sent you an email,” the headmaster says, “but I didn’t have time, I’m afraid. I’m sorry for just disturbing like this. There was quite a severe incident, during their PE class.”

Suddenly the low mood makes sense. “Really?”

“She didn’t just want to sit out, she started punching the wall until Inoue Sensei gave in. Not just… performatively. Like she was trying to hurt herself. One of the students from the other class tried to stop her when he saw the blood, but then she punched _him_. He’s still with the nurse.”

“Oh,” Nagisa’s face falls. “That’s not like her at all.”

“I believe she’s going through some difficulties at home. Parents divorcing.”

Nagisa nods sincerely. _He’s been there_. “I’ve tried talking to her a few times, but I don’t really get anywhere with it. This is more serious, though. I’ll try again. Do I have to call her parents?”

“I already managed to leave a message with her mother,” he says. “I didn’t want to, but in a situation like this… Well, I’m just here to give you a heads up, mostly. And to deliver her back. I’m sure you can take it from here, Shiota Sensei,” he bows, right there, before turning on his heel.

For a moment, Nagisa stands there and processes the information. Although he knows Watanabe did a very bad thing, all he can feel is sympathy for her. When his parents broke up for the first time, it had definitely altered his personality. For a girl so quiet already, this has to be a fresh blow. It must be really bad, if she’s lashing out at herself. He’ll definitely talk to her after the last bell.

When he steps back into the classroom, though, the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and he senses imminent danger. He manages to twist before it happens, catching the ruler that had just been thrown towards his face between his fingertips, which earned him a defeated groan. Although assassination is less of a novelty than it had been (giving a bunch of twelve year olds the permission to throw objects at him at will had been… a choice), they’ve developed the art of stealth nowadays. Not good enough though, of course.

“Nice try,” he says, straightening himself out. “Whose ruler is this?”

Hanazawa stands up at his desk. “Damn, and I thought my aim was getting better, too!”

“It has!” Nagisa always makes sure to encourage them, too. “But rulers are too slow and noticeable. Try a pencil, next time.”

Maths passes without much further incident, though Nagisa finds his eyes focusing more on Watanabe than anyone else. He can’t bring himself to call on her, but he’s still highly concerned. For once, he really starts to anticipate his lesson ending. If only he can somehow figure out the right words to say to her.

He’s quick, when the bell actually does ring.

“Watanabe san,” he tries to say quietly enough that it doesn’t attract the attention of everyone else. “Do you mind staying behind today?” He looks over at his classroom. “Oeda san, Aohashi san- don’t worry about the classroom cleaning duty today.”

They shoot a look at each other. “Thanks, Nagisa Sensei!”

Everyone clears out, and that leaves just him and Watanabe, who’s remained at her desk. And still refuses to look him in the eye.

“I’ve been punished already,” she mutters. “Why are you doing it again?”

“Is talking to me that bad?” He tries to joke.

She just frowns, though.

Nagisa sighs. “I’m not going to interrogate you. I won’t ask any questions about your home life at all, if you don’t want me to. But, I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener.

Watanabe scoffs. “Yeah right. You have to report everything I say to the headmaster. Or my parents.”

“No,” he shifts. “Not unless I think you’re in danger for any reason. Or maybe if you told me you murdered someone or something.”

“Why is everything about murder with you, Nagisa Sensei?”

“I-“

She leans forward. “Is there something _you’re_ not telling _us_?” Then she sighs. “Ito san thought you were just here undercover and your teaching qualifications were fake, but then you turned out to be a pretty great teacher, so we figured that can’t be it.”

He’s only mildly offended. “I studied _years_ for those qualifications.”

“Sounds hard.”

“It was,” he agrees. “But it’s worth it.” That’s enough stalling. “Do you mind if I take a look at your hand?”

She looks surprised, but she presents it over. The nurse hasn’t wrapped it terribly well, so the small bandage comes loose with just that amount of movement. Watanabe sighs, before tugging it off almost completely. Immediately, he winces, because he knows personally how much it must have hurt to get to that state. She’s not actively bleeding anymore, but she definitely has been. She’s also going to have some really nasty bruising for a while. Ouch.

“You’re not punching very well,” he admires the placement of the wound on her fist. “You should keep your hand straighter, and a good tip is to squeeze your middle finger with your thumb.”

“I don’t exactly punch people a lot,” she mutters.

“I hear you did a number on some kid from Class 1C,” he thinks aloud. “So maybe it’s a good thing, that you didn’t do it properly. But, you know, to lessen the chance of injuries on yourself. Unless that’s what you were trying to do?”

She looks down. “I thought you weren’t asking questions.”

“I’m sorry,” he swallows. “I know you might not believe me, Watanabe san, but I really do care about you. If something helps you cope, I’m not going to yell or punish you. I’d just… rather you chose something that didn’t end with hurting yourself or others.”

“Inoue Sensei said I couldn’t sit out,” she admits. “He let me every other week.”

Nagisa nods. “Is there a reason you didn’t want to do PE specifically?”

She shrugs.

“I know it’s not everyone’s favourite lesson,” he decides to continue, “but it’s still important. You can’t learn very well, if you’re not keeping up a healthy amount of exercise too. But,” he swallows, “if you really don’t want to do it, I don’t mind if you want to sit in here and read or do homework whilst everyone else does PE.”

Her eyes widen. “You’d let me do that?”

“If it saves a repeat of this incident, yes. But, you would be missing out on another important part of your education, especially getting to play games with your friends-“

“What friends?” She scoffs again. “Nobody wants to be friends with me.”

He frowns. “We both know that’s not true. I’m not saying it’s that easy to become best friends with everyone over night, but trust me, there are plenty of nice people in this class too. You do need to put in the effort as well, though.”

“That requires people actually liking you.”

“ _I_ like you,” Nagisa points out. “I’m not just saying that. And I’m definitely not the only one. Now come on, do you want to help me clean the classroom?”

She nods coyly, and stands up. Actually, it’s pretty peaceful between the two of them. Watanabe is a diligent worker, at least, and they manage to get quite a good pace going. Although Nagisa’s technically beyond the years of classroom cleaning, and it was never the highlight of his school life to begin with, it’s nice to be able to straighten things up himself.

“Do you want the papers over here, Sensei?”

He looks over her shoulder. “You can just leave them on the desk for now. I’ll take them home with me.”

She stares at the floor again. “Do I have to go now?”

He really wishes that she wouldn’t have to. But he really is stripped for power in a situation like this. He doesn’t know any details about her situation at all, and he knows that he wants to wait for her to tell him herself, if she ever feels ready. So Nagisa’s not sure if it’s super bad at home or not, whether her parents are still even living together. He does remember how bad it had been at the start for him, though, even if he’d been a little younger at the time.

“I’m afraid so,” he says. “But, it’s better you don’t put it off.”

“Okay,” her voice is small.

“You can talk to me anytime you want, okay? I-I’ll make sure I’ll check my email, even outside school times.”

She bows her head, before taking her bag. “Thank you, Nagisa Sensei.”

Nagisa’s glad that he managed to raise her spirits a bit, but he can’t help but feel like he failed. All he wants is for her to open up to him. They have PE lessons twice a week, so there’s some opportunity there, but not much. He wasn’t kidding when he said they’re close to the end of the year. Unfortunately, this isn’t an issue he can just fix.

For once, he actually pokes his head into the staff room. Nagisa doesn’t have a problem with his co-workers in the slightest, nor does he have a problem with the desk he was provided with. He just prefers to take his lunch breaks in the classroom, in case his students have any questions for him. Sure, they could ask him if he was in the staff room, but Nagisa feels like the classroom is far more approachable. The only reason he finds himself in the staff room, then, is running paperwork back and forth.

As it turns out, though, everyone seems to have packed up for the day. Nagisa had been hoping to talk to the headmaster a little more, and maybe let Inoue know that Watanabe’s going to be skipping her lessons a bit. But he figures it’s not an issue he needs to solve right here and now. Sometimes, it’s better to let things come at their own pace.

It’s hard not to feel a little down, though, as he goes through his normal routine of taking the train, grabbing a meal for himself, and making the sad climb up the stairs to his apartment. Nagisa’s been half tempted, recently, to attempt to actually cook something. But, as much as he’s fallen in love with Karma’s cooking, he doesn’t have much confidence to recreate it himself. Maybe that can be their next lessons.

It’s also much nicer to not eat alone.

Nagisa manages it, though, working on his grading at the same time. He makes great care, of course, to not spill any of his meal on the pages. As much as he’d been worried about his class being down, earlier, judging from their homework they’re doing just fine. He’s not worried about how they’ll do next year, when the work gets more serious and challenging.

After he’s done with that, he pulls out his laptop, worrying his lip before opening up the spreadsheet Karma set him. Time for his own homework. Though, when he sees the first thing is ‘public sex’, he immediately feels out of depth. Karma’s not into that, is he? Then again… Karma did say that he was going to fill out a version of this too, so maybe it’s a general list he found somewhere, not a curation of his own kinks.

Not that Nagisa’s in the right to judge him, even if he does like that kind of thing. One of the things he’s read online is that some people have crazy fetishes, but even if he thinks they’re kind of weird, it’s not his place to judge them. In fact, one of the most important parts of a discussion like the one they’re apparently going to have is to have no judgement at all. According to Google. He figures as long as Karma’s fetishes don’t involve murdering puppies or something

He’s also not so sure about Karma’s ranking system. In fact, he even opens up their chat again and rereads what Karma said. If one is something he’d absolutely never do, and five is maybe something that turns him on, then what are two, three, and four? Maybe three is something he doesn’t mind either way about? That feels okay, but then where does he put something like ‘public sex’?

It depends?! Nagisa gets out his notebook, and aggressively dots a bullet point. If it means doing it for the view of others, he’s definitely not into it. On the other hand, if he means sneaking off to a bathroom for a quickie or something… that’s not as bad. Not that Nagisa’s done that, or even considered doing that, but he knows it’s a _thing_. Nakamura once told him in more detail than he wanted about the stuff that went on in the nightclubs she frequented during her study abroad. That’s England, though. Maybe they’re just like that. Regardless, though, Nagisa decides to write a two in the empty box.

Some of the next ‘suggestions’ make him wince. And he never wants to google ‘pet play’ again. The list of sex toys forces him to do a _lot_ of searching. He hadn’t realised how many different varieties there are. He winces at the word ‘fisting’, not wanting to even look it up, and when he gets to ‘cross dressing’ he straight up marks it as a zero. Worse still is ‘lactation’, to which he doesn’t even assign a numerical value, and just writes ‘what’.

The list gets a little better after that, when he gets to the sadism, masochism, and bondage parts. He figures those might be more important, anyway, since they’re a part of the acronym and everything. Strangely, he doesn’t feel put off by much of it at all. His eyes flit up and down the list. _Gagging_? Does that mean the chance to get Karma to shut up? He puts it at number five.

In seriousness, though, he tries to read through it slowly, envisioning some of the situations. He knows he’d be willing to _try_ most of these, at least once. That is to say, he doesn’t recoil at the idea instantly. Though, when it comes to ‘misc sadism/masochism’ Nagisa can’t in good conscience write more than a one, with the note that ‘I’ve seen him with wasabi and mustard and I don’t want that anywhere near me’.

He realises he’s spending an awfully long time on the section, when he considers where to put ‘choking’. On the one hand, he’s not sure he’d like the feeling of it much, on the other… he imagines doing it to Karma, briefly. He’d probably have to be on top of him, maybe. Karma told him it was his favourite position, and whilst Nagisa hadn’t _hated_ it, it had made him feel more self conscious that usual. But somehow, it seems appealing in his mind right then. Pining Karma in place with his thighs, bending down to wrap a hand around his throat, danger in both of their eyes… Just thinking about it, Nagisa feels a very sharp stirring in his lower regions as his trousers become unmistakably tight.

_What?_

This doesn’t… happen to him. Not frequently since he was a teenager, and even then he was pretty certain it was just a _thing_ that happened, not a result of direct arousal. The point is, he doesn’t just pop a boner at random, at least not… often. Not when he’s actually thinking about it. And okay, this isn’t that random. He can accept that he’s pretty much fantasising about sex with Karma at this point. But it’s weird for him to… get hard without him actually there.

He considers ignoring it, with the hopes it’ll just go away, but given how uncomfortable he is, he doubts it’ll happen. Especially with the list of further sex acts in front of him, when clearly his own imagination can’t be trusted. Maybe he should turn the shower to cold and jump in it instead? Though, now it’s December that really doesn’t sound appealing.

Nagisa winces at himself for a moment, before his fingers work their way to his belt buckle. What he’s doing isn’t abnormal or wrong, _he knows that_. In fact, he’s pretty sure guys do this once a week at minimum. He also knows he can’t assume, but he figures Karma probably won’t mind. In fact, knowing him, he’d be elated and tease Nagisa about it for weeks.

He’s never been the best at relaxing, and he decides not to pull his trousers down further than he has to. He pulls himself out, though, relieved to be free of the fabric confines, though he’s dry when he takes himself into his hand. For once in his life, Nagisa really wishes he had lube. Unfortunately, he needs to make do with his spit, though it’s just as satisfying when he finally strokes himself properly. Perhaps, even, the added friction makes it feel even better.

A part of him tries not to for about half a second, but his thoughts end up with Karma. _Of course they do_. He’s the one who got him to this state in the first place! Indirectly, at least. And, okay, it’s much more fun to imagine that it’s Karma’s hand on him, even though the fantasy won’t paint itself clearly. Karma behind him, above him, on top of him… it all works.

He even shudders, just at the thought of Karma’s breath on his neck. He almost tries, purposely, to keep his fantasy more on the tame side of things. As though his ranking has some kind of integrity as it is. At least these days, he has a lot to go off. He leans back, then, hand speeding up as he remembers Karma rocking inside him, moaning into his mouth as they attempt to share a messy kiss…

“Karma,” spills from his lips just as his release spills into his own hand.

_Oh._

Nagisa remembers why tissues are usually involved at a time like this. Not wanting to do any further damage, he dashes to the bathroom, trying to clean himself off as efficiently as possible. Debating it for only a second, he throws his clothes into the washing basket and heads under the shower, as though scrubbing away the evidence is going to help him.

At least his head’s a little clearer, when it comes to finishing off the rest of the table. He can’t get it up again so soon, at least. But he feels weirdly fine about things, by the end. His spreadsheet feels fair to him, and he has quite a few points for discussion in his notebook. Despite all that, though, he doesn’t want to keep staring at it, so he’s glad to close it down.

He might have learnt to anticipate his sex lessons with Karma now, but somehow this makes him feel more nervous. Even if they’re only going to get a coffee or something, it’s weirdly intimidating. Nagisa’s usual cure for that would have been more research, but he quickly finds that kink seems to be a never-ending rabbit hole, and he’s probably better off waiting until they actually talk about it.

Until then, Nagisa manages not to think about the list too much, though there’s bouts of sporadic research here and there. He wants to be as prepared for this as possible. Even if that means, to his largest amount of personal shame yet, using the printer in his classroom to get a hard copy of the spreadsheet. An act he feels such an immense amount of guilt for, he might take it with him to the grave.

Before he even has a handle on what’s happening, it’s Saturday and he’s on a train bound for Tokyo Station. As always, as massive travel hubs usually are, it’s pretty busy inside. Nagisa tries his best to avoid all the people heading for the bullet train, finally figuring the way out and into the open space that is Chiyoda. At least they’re not doing this whole meeting thing next week, when half the city will be trying to escape to the countryside.

Nagisa’s not so familiar with this part of Tokyo. Mostly because he hasn’t got much of a reason to go here. It’s fairly quiet, he supposes, but it doesn’t have much for him. Maybe if he’d followed the career path his mother originally wanted for him… He feels like he would have been miserable, in all honesty. The buildings lack the neon signs and chatter and life. No, instead they’re clean and metallic monolith looking structures that make him feel smaller than usual. Instead of looking up, though, or accidentally venturing into the Imperial Gardens, at least Karma gave him some vague instructions.

He’s pretty sure Tokyo Station isn’t the closest metro to METI itself, but the walk there isn’t unpleasant, even during winter. And even though he’s never visited Karma at work before, he recognises the building he works in, and figures he’s on the right track. Sure enough, just past a small looking Seven Eleven, is a clearly marked Starbucks at the base of a much taller building. And better still, Karma’s standing outside it.

“You made it,” Karma says. He’s dressed mostly casually, though his black coat looks like it belongs in a nicer place than an average coffee shop.

Nagisa nods. “Just about.”

“Let’s go get a drink, then.”

Karma goes ahead of him, and orders the special strawberries and cream Christmas frappucino. Nagisa’s admittedly a little surprised, but he figures Karma’s always been into strawberries. He decides to order a regular latte – mostly because he was too distracted by Karma’s choice to think about it, and also he’s a little cold from his walk.

“Isn’t a little weird,” Nagisa says once they’re seated, “to talk about… stuff here.”

Karma leans back casually. “Look around. This is corporate wilderness. Nobody would willingly be here on the weekend. Not this early, anyway.”

They’re not entirely alone in the shop, though. Granted, they’re not Japanese, but still. “But they-“

“You know how Westerners are,” Karma shrugs. “They hear the words ‘palace’ and ‘government building’, and they flock. I’d be disappointed, though, coming all this way.”

Nagisa gets it. You can barely even see the palace, and the actual main government building is pretty small. It’s not exactly the height of tourism in his opinion, given how big Tokyo is. Then again, he’s lived here for a few years, and lived within an hour of it for all his _life_. Regardless of that, though, he’s not sure if they should just assume all of these people don’t understand Japanese. Or even if they don’t, they still shouldn’t blatantly talk about it in front of them. The café isn’t crowded, though, so he figures it’s not too bad.

“Okay,” he nods, and then reaches for the bag he brought. “I made notes.”

Karma grins. “I’d expect nothing less.”

“Did you bring your copy?”

Karma did. He puts it on the table, face down, and for a moment there’s silence between them. Nagisa hesitates for a moment, before reaching across, picking up Karma’s table. Taking that as permission, Karma does the same. For just a moment, heat rises across Nagisa’s cheeks, before he forces himself to swallow it down and actually get to reading.

It’s not as bad as he thought it would be. Then again, Nagisa’s not entirely sure what he was actually expecting. But most of this is fine, if he chooses to ignore the three written besides ‘cross dressing’. Mostly, he’s just relieved that Karma has no apparent desire to pee on him. A weird feeling sets in, at the idea that they’re actually pretty compatible.

“I’m done,” Nagisa says, before noticing a strange expression. “Is something wrong?”

Karma’s face is a little pale. “Nothings wrong… you just… you know that four and five are things you really want to do, right?”

Did he fill it out wrong? “Yes?”

“It’s just, you had _most_ of them at four and five.”

“You told me to be honest…”

Karma shifts. “You said you had notes?” He straightens again. “That’s what we’re doing here. Negotiation.”

He tries to fall back into the situation. “I do.” He clears his throat. “Public sex.”

Karma raises an eyebrow. “Hm?”

“It depends on your definition of it. I’m not into anything that’ll get me arrested.”

Karma tilts his head. “So you’re okay with it as long as it’s away from people?”

“Maybe.” He takes a sip of his coffee for reassurance. “I’ll… try something. Maybe.”

“Role play,” Karma says, as if to just move things along. “You have it at two. Does that mean you’re open to trying anything?”

He winces a little. “It depends what you mean by roleplay.”

“Like…” Karma stretches back to think. “Teacher student.”

Nagisa frowns. “Isn’t that already our relationship?”

“Right,” he says, “yeah. But… more literal. Maybe reversed. You know, with punishments and stuff. I could call you Sensei-“

“I’m changing it to one,” Nagisa cuts him off. “Nope.”

He presses his lips together. “Fine then. Sex toys?”

It feels concerningly easy to talk about this stuff. Perhaps because Nagisa’s dissociating from the reality of his words quite a bit. After all, he has spent quite a bit of time researching everything. So maybe Karma’s gleeful insistence that they’ll definitely have to go buy some toys makes him a little nervous at first, but he also realises he’s okay with this.

Karma grins. “You have lingerie at two.”

“Maybe if it’s for men,” he looks down.

So maybe not entirely okay, but that’s to be expected with Karma.

“You have titles at three,” Karma says. “Are they important to you?”

Karma has them at two. “N-not really. It just seemed like an important part of all this, though. I’m not against using them. Not that I’d… know which ones to use.”

He shrugs. “I’ve never found much appeal in the whole ‘sir, master’ thing. If you really wanted me to call you something-“

“Not really,” Nagisa says, feeling relaxed.

“I’d prefer if you screamed my actual name,” he states nonchalantly

Nagisa almost chokes on his latte.

All in all, things are going well though. They establish a list of further things they both might not be comfortable with, expanding on some of the points. Nagisa doesn’t mind Karma insulting him, for example, but there’s definitely some areas he’s not okay with. They also agree that this will be a sex only thing, as opposed to a lifestyle thing. But overall, it feels good that they’re discussing this. He was pretty secure before, but he’s even more confident with trusting Karma like this.

“We should talk about safewords,” Karma says. “Some of this stuff is pretty extreme, so I think it would be good to come up with one now.”

Nagisa’s read about those. “Can’t we just say ‘stop’ or something?”

Karma tilts his head. “We could. But in some situations, stop doesn’t always mean stop. I mean, it does usually, of course. It’s better to have something you’d never accidentally say in sex, but also something you’ll remember.”

“Fish,” Nagisa says too quickly.

Karma tilts his head. “Eh?”

“I won’t forget it,” he explains. “Trust me.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

Nagisa sits up a little better. “As long as you’re okay with it.”

“I am,” Karma replies. “Then, I think we’re done then.”

“We are?” He’s actually a little surprised, about how easy this was. “What do we do now, then?”

There’s a hell of a look on Karma’s face. “Well, we have a whole list to pick from.”

He freezes up. “Right now-?”

“No take backs.”

“I didn’t sign anything!”

“You don’t need to,” Karma tucks his own sheet back into coat.

“But I didn’t clean out or anything,” he hisses.

Karma looks confused for a moment, before he bursts out laughing. “Wow, are you some kind of anal addict now? There’s plenty of other things we can do.”

Oh, right.

“I mean,” Karma says, “if you’re that desperate… let’s leave it until next week.”

“ _What_?”

He leans back again. “Consider this your first lesson in edging. No sex until you’re desperate enough to beg for it. And I don’t mean just a ‘please’ either. Think you can do it?”

Nagisa almost forgets, for a moment, that they’re in a public café still. “ _Fine_.”

Karma just smiles sweetly. “You know what we’ll do? We’ll go buy sex toys and rope next week.”

“Huh?!”

“I don’t own any,” he explains. “And you ranked them all pretty high, so my hands are tied. Well, I guess it’ll be _your_ hands that get tied.”

Again, he has to remember they’re in a public café. It’s the only thing keeping him from leaping across the table and physically attacking Karma. He’s matured so well in some ways, but in others? He’s still hopelessly irritating. Never mind that, deep down, that’s one of the things Nagisa likes most about him.

“Next week,” he breaths.

“Another field trip like this one?” Karma frowns for a second. “Unless you have plans already?”

“Nothing,” he says. “I’m not doing anything.”

Karma nods. “Let’s do it, then. For now… feel like checking out the new arcade in Akihabara?”

“Sure.”

* * *

Nagisa's fetish table, part one 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I lowkey just wanted to push this out as soon as possible, which means you'll get a nice Christmas chapter! I hope this one was okay to follow, the world of kink and fetish can be a little daunting. While a full on more formalised discussion like this isn't always necessary, communication is one of the most important parts of BDSM. Next time... they'll go shopping and start working on their list.


	10. Lesson Ten (christmas presents)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma and Nagisa go toy shopping Christmas Eve - the adult kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gift incoming

All things considered, Nagisa’s excited about his plans for Christmas Eve. Really, he is! Maybe it isn’t a romantic date or anything like that, but actually having someone to spend it with is going to be nice. He wonders if Karma didn’t consider the implications at all, or maybe he’s just choosing to hang out with Nagisa on his birthday anyway. Or, at least, part of his birthday. 

Nagisa can’t say he’s not a little glad to have a week and a half off work, either. He’s aware that he’s relatively lucky with his job. Not only does he genuinely enjoy the majority of it, but he gets really long breaks. That kind of thing is especially nice in the summer, when it gets so hot he’s just exhausted. So, he feels pretty content with everything. Of course there’s a few students he’s a little concerned about, but mostly he’s just happy for them to have a well deserved break too. 

Honestly though, Nagisa’s not so good with spare time on his hands. It’s an unfortunate thing, really. It’s like he can’t function when he doesn’t have anything to focus his attention on. He always has to be working at  _ something _ . It wasn’t too bad when he was still in school, since there was always some kind of work to do. But now? Nagisa’s achieved his most direct goal. 

Maybe it makes sense that all that energy is getting directed to his sex lessons. 

Right there, though, Nagisa doesn’t really feel like he’s preparing for their normal lesson at all. Such a fact is unfortunate, since he really kind of wants one. After not doing anything the week before with only the anticipation of what’s going to actually happen to him, Nagisa’s more than ready to find out what it actually is. For someone who genuinely never found sexual gratification an important factor to his life, he’s been weirdly on edge only going a week without it. 

What he realises he has to do, though, is not just think about sex the whole train ride. Besides, no matter what the case, it’s already pretty late (Karma wants to avoid the busy shoppers) and they’ve made no plans to actually end up back at his apartment. Is he really going to make him wait yet  _ another _ week? 

He’s so annoyed at the thought, in fact, that he almost forgets to get off the train. Which would have been bad, since he doesn’t exactly feel like hurtling off in the direction of Yokohama. At least Shibuya station, despite its size, is one of the easier ones to navigate. He’s not sure why they have to meet here, exactly, but there are worse places to be on Christmas Eve. 

The area outside the station is alive with activity. A surprising amount of tourists are taking photos with the Hachiko statue, and there’s mass groups of high schoolers huddled together on dates. Nagisa tries his best to ignore them, though, because he’s not bitter about the lack of romance in his life or anything. No, he’s buying sex toys. 

He leans against the green tourist information bus thing, and can’t help but check his phone a few times. It’s not that Karma’s late, he’s just early and anxious. But it’s not like Nagisa can control the speed of the train, anyway. At the very least, he can appreciate the vibe of the area, even though it makes him feel slightly bitter for some reason. 

It’s surprising that Karma manages to surprise him when he arrives, given his height. 

“Feeling jumpy, Nagisa?” 

“ _ No _ ,” he slides his phone into his pocket. “Do you always try to jump scare people on greeting?” 

“Only you,” he shrugs casually. “You still have the funniest reactions.” 

Nagisa’s not sure quite what to make of that. The ‘ _ only you _ ’ comment penetrates through him, twisting his stomach into a knot not unlike the bow of a Christmas present. Immediately he feels bad for feeling anything at all. He knows he shouldn’t. He’s not  _ special _ . He’s just… Karma’s friend. Companion. Sex friend, maybe? It’s unclear. 

“Do you want to go, then?” 

Karma’s hands go in his pockets. “Sure, follow me.” 

Nagisa’s certainly seen Shibuya crossing busier than this, but it still feels hectic, and almost like he’s going to lose Karma entirely. Which wouldn’t be helpful at all, because Nagisa doesn’t know where he’s going. Actually, he would have thought that the best place for this sort of thing would be one of the shady side streets in Shinjuku he always had to avert his eyes from, so he’s a little surprised they’re in an objectively ‘nicer’ part of Tokyo. 

But he’s not the expert here. 

Nagisa starts to doubt Karma when they’re standing outside the building though. “Don Quijote?” 

He doesn’t really go inside Don Quijote much. Sure, it’s convenient, and it’s a great place to find a lot of random items, but he’s never enjoyed the experience. It’s chaotic and cholstrophic, and trying to actually locate the item you came in for feels like traversing the Amazon rainforest. No, he’d rather migrate to the calm of Daiso instead, if he ever needed to go into a shop like that. 

“It’s the best option,” he says, “if you don’t want to stand out.” 

Nagisa’s not sure he agrees with that at all, but he’s pretty much a slave to Karma’s whims at this point. So, what can do he do, other than follow him in? At least the chaos of that many people inside distracts him from feeling much of anything about it. Thankfully, the crowds are focused more on the lower floors, and start to thin out as they climb the stairs a couple of floors up. 

“Over here,” Karma says, though he’s not near anything inappropriate. He’s in the costume section, and starts digging around. 

“What's this for?” 

“Hey Nagisa,” he holds up a cheap looking French maid costume. “You sure you’re against the role play?” 

“I said  _ zero _ .” 

He can tell Karma doesn’t mean it, though, because he doesn’t push it further. In fact, Nagisa guesses he’s just trying to lighten the mood or something. Honestly, he doesn’t really need to. Nagisa might not be in the best mental state ever, but he’s not actually freaking out over this. They’re supposed to be having fun together anyway, aren’t they? 

“What’s that for?!” He practically squeaks when Karma picks up some rope. 

Karma shoots him a bored look. “You’re the one who had a list of fours and fives.” 

Well, he’s not wrong, exactly. But it seems writing theoretical scores on a list is far different from the reality. He’s buying this rope, presumably, because he directly intends to tie Nagisa up with it. That’s not just  _ incidental _ . As much as he feels weird about the concept, he also feels… strangely excited. Like a mixture between a squirm and an itch beneath his skin. 

“That’s not what we came for,” he grits out. 

“No~?” Karma’s tone is light, teasing, and almost directly in his ear. “Then why don’t you lead the way? To what we came for.” 

He really hates the fact that he flushes. “I don’t know what to look for, though.” 

“It should be right over here,” Karma takes him by the wrist, weaving through the aisles until they find the area that’s curtained off with a huge ‘no under 18s’ sign on it. 

Immediately, Nagisa’s stomach plummets. It was all fun and games before, but this is something inherently… well, he’s not actually sure what. It feels like a place he shouldn’t be, somewhere wrong and dirty and immoral. He understands that’s ridiculous, though, and he can’t hold onto the blushing virgin thing when he’s not even a virgin anymore. It’s still embarrassing, though! 

He almost hits his head on a freakishly realistic penis. Just… dangling there. He’s heard of product samples… he just really hopes nobody’s ever taken that literally in a place like this. Huh. Maybe it’s so people can measure size? Perhaps that’s the advantage of fake penises… you could easily choose whatever feels best to you personally. For him… he doesn’t have any complaints, with Karma. But it’s not like he’s experienced anything different. Hook ups must be like a lottery, in a way. 

“Go ahead and choose something,” Karma says easily.

Well, it certainly feels weird to pick a hyper realistic penis. Kind of feels like saying ‘yours isn’t adequate’. So… something less realistic. He thought before that this would be quite easy, but now he’s really unsure. There’s so many options, and he’s not even sure what most of them do. And… he’s not sure how he feels about indepth browsing the sex toy aisle. 

“I don’t know,” he turns his head in shame. “You choose.” 

“Are you really  _ sure  _ you want to leave that to me?” He sounds on the edge of laughing. “Well, I can’t say you didn’t know what you were signing up for.” 

Karma hums, then, and starts picking up things seemingly at random. Nagisa can’t stop looking over his shoulders, in the sheer dread that someone’s going to walk into this. Worse still, it’s not like they’re far away. They’re in the center of Tokyo. What if someone he knows sees him doing this? He’ll never live it down! 

“Uhm,” Nagisa says, “what are you picking up?” 

He almost looks like he rolls his eyes. “Vibrating anal beds.” 

“It looks like a sword.” 

“The base needs to be flared,” he explains, “otherwise it can get stuck up there.” 

“ _ Oh _ .” 

Karma tilts his head, then. “Remind me how you feel about butt plugs?” 

“Uhm,” Nagisa can almost feel the steam coming out of his ears. “They’re not a hard no?” 

“Hmm,” he considers it, before leaning down to speak right into his ear, “but you _ like it _ when I finger you open~” 

Nagisa jumps back. “K-karma! You can’t just-” 

“You’re the one who had dirty talk at a four~” 

“We’re not having sex right now though,” he hisses. 

He sticks his tongue out. “Fine, have it your way, then.” 

If Nagisa understands one thing, it’s this: he’s getting revenge for this. 

Regretfully, he doesn’t actually say something, when Karma picks up the plug anyway, along with an assortment of items Nagisa’s still somewhat afraid of. He didn’t lie when he was ranking them, though. He feels open to trying these things, if not a little apprehensive. But Nagisa’s never been anything if not naturally curious. 

“W-we have to pay in the normal place?” Nagisa asks, with slight horror at the lack of a special check out counter. 

“Yep,” Karma says, unbothered. “Oh, this is probably expensive enough to get tax free!” 

So now they’re walking through this incredibly busy superstore with an armful of sex toys. And, to Nagisa’s utter shame, people are noticing. It’s something he can just feel in the air around him, people looking at them. He kind of wants to run away into the depths of the sock aisle and scream instead. Karma doesn’t look bothered at all, though, picking up a jumbo box of condoms on the way.  _ Great _ . 

Nagisa half hides behind Karma, when they get to the counter, and the poor worker has to go through scanning all the items. Although he’s sure that she probably doesn’t care, and has most definitely seen worse, he can’t help but feel like one of the lowest people on the planet. Surely it can’t just be him? 

“IDs,” she says. 

“W-what?” Nagisa doesn’t even mean to voice it out loud. 

“You have prohibited items,” she says. “I need ID.” 

So much for anonymity. She barely glances at Karma’s, possibly because he actually looks like a man in his early twenties. Nagisa, on the other hand, is more than aware that he can pass for a teenager if he really wants to. There’s no real situation where that’s a useful talent, unfortunately. She’s glaring at his ID for a long time, though, and he wonders if there’s an actual problem with it. 

“Shiota Nagisa kun?” She half announces to the area. 

“Uh-” it’s about then that he manages to look the woman in the eye, realising that he actually does recognise her. It’s been a while, but she’s one of his mother’s friends. “H-hello.” 

“It’s been such a long time!” She opens up a plastic bag, and cheerfully starts stacking the sex toys. “My, I haven’t seen you since high school! You look so different, with the short hair. It suits you.” 

“Thank you,” he says, staring at the floor and hoping it’ll magically transform into quicksand. 

She looks between then. “Your Mum didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.” 

_ When will Korosensei come back from the dead and explode the Earth like he’d first promised to?!  _

“Haha,” he gets out. 

“Oh,” Karma’s hand darts across the till area, picking up a small bag of sweets. “And these.” 

_ How is he so calm?!  _

She smiles. “That’ll be 20,853 yen. Cash or card?” 

“I have the cash,” Karma reaches for his wallet.

Nagisa tugs on his arm. “You can’t pay for all of it-” 

“But it’s your Christmas present,” Karma’s arm winds around his back, “ _ sweetie _ .” 

Now, his mother’s friend is  _ beaming _ . “Ah, it’s so refreshing to see young love! This one’s a keeper, Nagisa kun,” she winks.  _ Winks! _ “Anyway, have a good time, you two!” 

“Haha,” Nagisa says again, and practically runs out of the building with his metaphorical tail between his legs. 

That means that Karma finds it  _ hilarious _ . Not just chuckle funny. He’s full body wheezing, right there on the street, scrubbing away the tears from his eyes. At least the bag is an ugly bright yellow colour, meaning its contents are obscured for now. Not that it matters, with Karma drawing attention to the two of them like this. 

“ _ Shut up _ ,” he hisses. “It’s not even that funny!” 

“Your face,” he continues. 

“What if she tells my Mum?!” 

Karma splutters. “I’d give anything to see the look on her face, if she finds out I corrupted her sweet innocent Nagisa with butt plugs.” 

“ _ I wouldn’t! _ ” 

“What’s the big deal?” Karma composes himself a little. 

“What if she thinks we’re dating or something? I- I don’t know how she’d even react to that? She always told me you’re a bad influence on me in the first place… What if she invites you for dinner?! We can’t do that! I-I know you’ve dealt with a lot of stuff but my Mum is something else-” 

Karma clears his throat. “Well, you could have corrected her.” 

“And say what?! ‘No, he’s just my sex friend’?” 

“I prefer the term ‘Sex  _ Sensei’ _ .” 

Nagisa doesn’t even have a response to that one. He just… flatlines right there. Well, not actually. Nagisa would love to just drop dead and be free of the pain of this interaction, but the night is still young, and he doesn’t feel like leaving their interaction just there. Also, he feels like he needs some time to process 

“Well,” he says, “we have everything we need now, right?” 

Karma peeks into the bag. “I think so, unless you decide you have another fetish or something.” 

Yeah, a  _ gag _ , probably. Nagisa already said he doesn’t find appeal in public stuff, but Karma could do with something to permanently prevent him from speaking. Well, not forever. Actually, Karma was generally pretty quiet when he wasn’t trying to embarrass Nagisa’s soul out of his body. But still, time and place! 

“Haha,” he says again, because what else can he say? 

Karma’s head tilts. “Are you… okay?” 

_ No _ , actually! “Yeah. M-maybe I’m kind of hungry.” 

He looked down at his watch. “It’s kind of late, already, huh? Do you want to go to an izakaya?” 

Immediately, Nagisa’s mood soars upwards. “Mm, that sounds like fun.” 

This was what they used to do, in the period of time between turning twenty, and getting settled in their own apartments. In fact, it’s pretty much what most university students do. Not that they were studying far away or anything, but it wasn’t like their paths crossed under any other circumstances. It had just… felt like the most natural way to hang out, at the time, by going to the bar and having a few drinks every now and then to catch up. Obviously, that cost a lot of money to do super regularly, so it had migrated to canned beer in Karma’s living room a little while ago. Up until their recent development, at least. 

Even though it can be said he used to ‘frequent’ bars, Nagisa’s never been a big drinker. More than one, and he can easily start to feel dizzy and sick. It’s why he prefers drinking with just one or two people, rather than any huge parties. Thankfully, his line of work limits the obligatory after work drinks to just a few special occasions, rather than whenever his boss happens to feel like it. 

True to habit, they don’t go to a particularly fancy izakaya. In fact, they have to wait for at least twenty minutes before a table even becomes available. Maybe it’s the draw of three hundred yen drinks? Honestly, Nagisa just kind of likes the fried chicken in the place. He’s never been one to truly buy into the whole KFC tradition, but he supposes it’s close enough. 

They end up sipping their beers in relative silence, until the selection of food comes. It’s not a fancy meal by any means, but Nagisa never enjoyed that kind of thing anyway. Though, he kind of wishes he’d ordered something new, just to find a thread of conversation to pick up. It’s not like anything much had happened in their lives, for them to try and ‘catch up’. 

“You’re so lucky,” Karma says all of a sudden. “I wish I had next week off work.” 

Nagisa looks at him curiously. “You don’t get any time off?” 

“A couple of days for New Years,” he laments. “The country doesn’t get to stop running.” 

“I guess that  _ is  _ an advantage of being a teacher.” 

“Maybe I should just quit,” he sighs dramatically. “Become a tyrant headmaster instead.” 

Nagisa sips a bit of his beer. “There’s too much admin work. You wouldn’t enjoy it.” 

“My  _ life  _ is admin work.” 

“I thought your plan was to terrorise the country,” he says, “not just a group of kids.” 

“It’s a work in progress.” 

Nagisa thinks. “It’s been over a year, though. Surely you’re not ‘new’ anymore.” 

“Just because they’re not trying to haze me anymore doesn’t mean they’re less… dumb. My boss almost caused a war with South Korea, last week.” 

“He can’t do that,” Nagisa says, “it’s in the constitution.” 

“They could probably find a way,” Karma says. “No document is completely bulletproof.” 

Nagisa swallows. “Please tell me you haven’t been researching ways to declare wars on nations.” 

He just laughs, which is mildly concerning. “It’s not that interesting.” 

“It’s a good thing they’re leaving you alone now, at least?” 

“Well,” he leans back, “at least I had more of an excuse to argue before. I still wish I got a winter break, though.” 

“Did you have plans for New Years, then?” 

“Not particularly,” he shrugs. “It’s not like my parents would come back just for something like that. Especially now I’m not a kid.” 

“Oh,” Nagisa says.

In a sense, he kind of wishes he could be in the position to not have to bother with family obligations. He’ll be expected to go back to visit his parents, at least for New Years Eve and the day following. Things are a lot better now, than they were a few years ago. Now that he doesn’t have to be around his mother all the time, they definitely get along better in general… she’s also been doing better metally too. But Nagisa knows they’re never going to have a relationship that’s not at least somewhat scarred by the past. So yes, he’d prefer to avoid the discomfort, as much as he also feels an obligation. 

“I don’t really care about celebrating it anyway,” Karma adds. “It’s not like they ever took me to shrines or anything.” 

Nagisa nods. “I guess.” 

“Besides,” he clearly tries to lighten it. “My birthday is more interesting.“

He almost asks if Karma has any plans, but he stops himself. He knows what the answer’s going to be. On the one hand, Nagisa thinks it’s kind of sad to spend a birthday alone, on the other… it’s not like Karma’s asked him to do anything. That’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t want him there, right? If Nagisa asks… it surely looks like he’s digging for it. 

Well, looking at the time on the bottom of the ordering screen, it’s almost midnight anyway. 

Nagisa’s not entirely sure where this urge comes from, but there’s a fire burning under his skin. He  _ wants  _ to do something. And… there aren’t that many options, here like this. Closing his eyes for a moment, he thinks back to Karma’s version of their list, and gets an idea. Just the thought of it makes him squirm, but it’ll definitely surprise him, and he likes that. Like Nagisa wants to prove something.

Though, he knows himself well enough that he won’t actually go through with it. It’s just on that edge of too far. But, he’s also sure that he wants to. He debates it for just a few seconds, before he orders himself a highball, this time. Is it the most sensible idea he’s ever had? Definitely not. But... he needs the courage. 

Even Karma looks surprised, though doesn’t say anything about it, and doesn’t order one for himself. Good. It’s better if Karma can react sharply. Unfortunately for Nagisa, though, he doesn’t actually like the taste of whisky, no matter what else there is in glass masking it. It encourages him to gulp it down as fast as he can.

“Don’t get all drunk on me,” Karma jokes. “Your face is already red.” 

“I’m not drunk,” he says, and honestly means it. “I feel good, here.” 

“Well, if you’re sure.” 

The conversation comes a lot easier, when it really hits his system. And he’s sure he’s not  _ drunk _ , not in the way he’s used to being anyway (that is, his head isn’t planted on the table as he tries to make sense of the room). No, this is light, and easy. As long as he can stay this way for just a little longer… Thankfully, Nagisa barely even notices the passage of time. 

That is, until he glances at the clock once more.  _ 00:03 _ . Officially, that makes it Christmas, as well as Karma’s birthday. Sure, Nagisa knows it’s kind of arbitrary, but energy rushes through him. Nagisa can’t really draw attention to anything special, not that he wants to. It’s not like he prepared a gift, either. Just maybe, Nagisa needs to give him his body instead. 

“Karma,” he stands up without any kind of warning, “do you trust me?” 

Karma blinks, clearly confused. “Of course I trust you.” 

Nagisa nods, before taking hold of his wrist. It’s kind of funny, in a way. He’s so much smaller than Karma, and definitely doesn’t look like the type to drag him around like this. Actually, given the difference in their physical strength too, it’s clear that Karma’s allowing him to do it. Nagisa would have a hard time dragging him somewhere he doesn’t actually want to go. 

He’s bold right here, scanning the area quickly to check that nobody’s watching them, before pulling them into the relatively small toilet. There’s enough room for them both to stand comfortably though, without feeling particularly squashed.  _ Right _ . Nagisa’s free hand goes behind Karma’s waist, locking the door properly behind them. That’s only part one. 

Karma looks confused, which is… understandable. He’s not been inside Nagisa’s mind for the last half an hour or so. Somehow, though, it’s a little unfair but Nagisa doesn’t want any questions.  _ Just go with this _ . To affirm that, he keeps his hand planted there, not that he’s  _ actually  _ pinning Karma in a practical way. He slides up onto his tiptoes, letting go of Karma’s wrist in favour of dragging him down by the hair, planting a wet kiss on his lips. 

Kissing is still a strange phenomenon for Nagisa. He’ll never live down the shame of coming out on top of their rankings, back in school. But back then, he never felt much attachment to the action. In fact, as much as Bitch Sensei had managed to floor him that first time, he hadn’t exactly felt anything. Something in that fascinated him, that the technique and skill behind a kiss could wipe him out, without an ounce of passion. He’d taken that and learnt it as a tool, though not one he’d ever 

So, he’s confident in his ability to wipe Karma out, if he wants to. Except, Nagisa can’t  _ only  _ think of the optimal way to move his tongue. The best way to meet him when he kisses back. When he kisses Karma, it’s not just fact he can concentrate on. There’s also sensation there, like a fire licking up his veins, creeping across his whole body. He feels everything, as opposed to nothing, and he’s very much affected by it all. 

“What are you doing?” Karma half murmurs in confusion, when he pulls away, lips red from the kiss. 

“I-it’s your birthday,” Nagisa trembles, and gets down to his knees. 

If Karma didn’t know his plan before, he definitely does now. Fortunately, Nagisa doesn’t really hesitate, working the belt buckle with his fingers. He’s done this quite a few times already, and it’s almost muscle memory at this point. Though, usually there’s more room for error. Right now, Nagisa really doesn’t want to mess up. 

He squeezes him through the rough fabric of the jeans, only briefly, before reaching for the button and zipper. Nagisa doesn’t draw it out as long as he knows he  _ can _ , but despite the situation he doesn’t feel like he’s in much of a rush. Thankfully, Karma’s not feeling shy either, because he’s already at a half mast by the time he pulls the fabric of his trousers and underwear down to his mid-thigh, just enough space to maneuver in. 

For about a second or two, he does actually give Karma the chance to object. Of course, he’d followed him in willingly, but he still wants to make sure. There’s an intense energy in the room, but no signs to stop.  _ Good _ . Because Nagisa definitely doesn’t want to. He has to shift himself a tiny bit, to get in just the right position, but when he finds it he doesn’t hesitate to tease the head of Karma’s now definite erection with just the tip of his tongue. 

It works just as he intended, one of Karma’s hands going to his hair as if by instinct. He’s already unsteady, too, leaning most of his weight against the door for support. That pleases him. All Nagisa’s sure of is that he wants to make Karma feel good. And, well, the whole public thing was a lot higher on  _ his  _ list. He pushes that fact to the back of his mind, though, focusing instead at the way Karma’s all flushed, breathing heavily with his jaw clenched. 

And Nagisa’s barely even started. 

He actually hasn’t done this for a while. Now they’ve moved on to ‘real’ sex, Karma seems to want to focus on other things. But, well, there’s no harm in a refresher? There’s no such thing as too much practise, afterall. Besides, Nagisa’s never really found this act of giving particularly unpleasant. He’s also… not completely given up with his additional research. 

There’s nothing advanced in what he’s doing right now, though. It’s easy enough, only taking a little more than the head into his mouth, and using his hand to take up the rest of the space. Karma’s a warm and heavy weight in his mouth, and Nagisa can even feel him hardening more in his mouth. He tries his best to remember the way Karma likes it, bobbing at a semi fast rhythm. 

Sneaking a glance up, Nagisa can tell that Karma’s relaxed, most of all. Even though he’s not screaming in pleasure of anything, this is good. His hand’s more of a soft weight on top of his head than anything else, stroking him in a way. Nagisa decides he likes it. Though, there’s just one issue with this steady rhythm, with him bobbing and sucking and pulling off every now and then to catch his breath for a few seconds. Karma’s starting to anticipate him. 

He sits more upright, letting him slide out of his mouth completely for a moment, though he continues to stroke him. He keeps doing it, until Karma opens his eyes and looks at him directly. The eye contact is a lot, but Nagisa really wants to see all of this. Though, he knows he can’t hesitate for much longer, because he can see the gears spinning in Karma’s head. 

Nagisa prepares himself only briefly, licking along the most prominent vein on Karma’s length, from base to tip. Then, still looking at his face, he takes his final breath of air before sliding down as far as he can go. He does it slowly, at least, focusing on breathing through his nose, as he sinks lower and lower. He doesn’t force it, he just lets his throat adjust, until his nose bumps against Karma’s pelvis, and there’s nothing left for him to take. Like a kind of instinct, he swallows around him. 

It’s like a shockwave goes through Karma, right there, and Nagisa can tell he doesn’t know what to do. The gasp he lets out turns out more like a moan, and the hand that’s not in his hair bangs against the door, like he’s looking for something to hold onto. It’s definitely uncomfortable, but Nagisa’s wildly pleased that he’s actually managed to do it, sucking as best he can as he eases back off. 

“Oh-” 

He manages to smile around him, taking him back down again. This time, it’s a little harder, and his throat protests, but Nagisa hangs on. He makes a fist with his own hand, squeezing his thumb as hard as he can to help him focus. It’s difficult, but he knows he’s managing it, at least a few times until he physically feels like he  _ needs  _ to stop. 

“I didn’t teach you  _ that _ ,” Karma half grunts. 

Nagisa lets go with a pop noise. “I did some research, and some practise.” 

He’s spent quite a long time on it, too. Training away his gag reflex isn’t an easy process. It’s not like he’s spent hours and hours on it. He’s just… read some very handy tips. And gotten himself really desensitised to the sensation of having his mouth completely stretched and full. He even members to brush against the back of his tongue when he cleans his teeth, his tolerance for it building and building over time. 

Instead of sliding back into his mouth, Karma’s erection slides wet against his face, and for a moment he’s practically rubbing it with his cheek. Looking up at Karma, there’s definitely something sharp and heavy in his eyes. To his core, Nagisa’s pleased. It’s not really about proving a point though, or making Karma squirm. Not anymore, at least. He feels this weird urge to just make him feel good, to please him.

The slurping saliva sounds are near obscene, when he takes him back down, but it’s more like white noise. The real thing is a lot more difficult than anything he’s practised with, but he feels like he’s getting the hang of it. He manages to go faster, at least, bobbing and sucking at the same pace he was before. He even attempts to use his tongue, a little, but it’s awkward and almost makes him splutter. 

Karma’s trying to hold himself together, one of his hands now shoved in his mouth. It feels good, but Nagisa wants something else. He doesn’t really understand it, on his knees like this, but it feels like he and Karma are the only people who exist. Nagisa hasn’t even touched himself, nor feels the urge to, yet the floaty way he feels is something like the afterhaze of an orgasm, without any direct pleasure. 

It feels like a solid purpose, in a way. Maybe he should be scared of that, but he’s floating. In fact, he’s not even really that uncomfortable anymore. In a way, though, he feels a little lost. He actually really wants instruction, something to tie him down. He doesn’t even really care how it happens, either. Like… all he wants is what Karma wants. 

He lets him slide out of his mouth again, and Karma looks like he’s just stabbed Caesar. 

“Use me,” he rasps. 

For some reason, Nagisa can’t bring himself to care. Just somewhere there, in the back of his mind, he knows that he should feel a mountain of shame. But shame, at least here, doesn’t seem to exist anymore. Karma seems shocked, when they meet eyes, like he doesn’t know how to process what Nagisa just said. 

After a moment that seems to last an eternity, though, Karma nods, tightening the grip he has on his hair. Nagisa takes him back into his mouth again, and at first the movement is slow. Karma still seems unsure, though Nagisa, right there, feels only the urge to take. Eventually, though, he gets it, gripping onto him hard as he pushes as far as he can go. 

Right there, it’s the most satisfying thing Nagisa’s ever felt. He even moans around him, as much as he’s able to, as Karma’s grip tugs even harder against his hair. Like that, holding him in place, he moves his hips, starting to shift his hips in a minicry of sex. Now that Nagisa has no control of it, the urge to gag does actually return, but he manages to hold on. 

He knows he’s struggling when tears start to form at the corner of his eyes, but it’s good in a way he can’t explain to even himself. He loves the way Karma’s hand feels on his head, and how heavy he’s looking at him as he does, in fact, use his mouth. He looks so good like that, legs actually shaking a little as he’s still trying to hang on.

“Close,” Karma finally hisses, and tries to pull out. 

_ Nagisa doesn’t want him to _ . He’s not even really thinking anymore, as he lunges out, grabbing Karma by the hips. He’s just about strong enough to prevent it, meeting eyes with Karma again. That appears to be the cue for Karma to finally let go, groaning deeply as his hips speed up, practically forcing Nagisa’s head down onto him. 

He feels him throb and pulse strongly, letting out a groan before he registers the ejaculation down his throat. Thankfully, Karma lets go of his head when it happens, and Nagisa’s not in control of himself enough to control his instincts. He tries to take it all, he really does, but the taste hits his tongue and it knocks him out of whatever state he was mesmerised into. He’d known that it’s not a pleasant taste, but this is something else. 

At least he closes his eyes this time, as some of it lands on his cheek. 

Almost immediately, he spins over to the toilet, spitting out the contents of his mouth. Unfortunately, the taste is still there, but he can breathe again, even though he’s currently coughing and sputtering for breath. It takes him a moment to realise just how much his throat and jaw  _ ache _ . It’s like zero to a hundred, going from feeling almost nothing to  _ everything _ . 

Did they get carried away? 

“Nagisa,” Karma says like a sigh, brushing the hair out of his eyes. “Are you okay?” 

He can only nod, taking hold of the arm Karma offers to pull himself up, as he notes his knees are also sore. He feels like he should say something, at least, but throughout his brain there’s no words left. Karma looks him over, though, swiping his thumb against his lips. Even at the touch of a finger, they feel tender and swollen. 

“You should probably rinse your face,” he says quietly. 

Nagisa feels inclined to do as he says, turning to splash his face over the sink, as Karma works on redressing himself. In doing so, he catches his reflection in the mirror. He feels something very strange, at the sight of Karma’s cum all over his face. Like… he’s been marked up, in some way. Weirdly, it’s almost powerful, but he can’t actually be sure he likes it. 

“I-is it okay?” Nagisa gets out, his voice strained.  _ He’s  _ not even sure what he means by it. 

Karma just smiles with the corner of his mouth, a small amount of laughter also falling out. “I can’t believe you just did that.” 

With the lightness in Karma’s tone, he feels okay. In fact, he joins in with the giggling too. Karma’s right,  _ he  _ can’t even believe that he did that. Now that whatever cloud was hanging over him, and the alcohol too, has worn off… Nagisa’s shocked with himself. Maybe he won’t feel this way tomorrow when he thinks about it again, but he’s absolutely giddy. 

Karma grabs him by the hand, this time, checking there’s nobody around before pulling him out with him. They’re both still lightly laughing, like kids who just did something bad, before briefly visiting the table they were sitting at. Karma doesn’t let go of him, leaning down under the seat to pick up their shopping bag, before simply grabbing their payment receipt and taking him over to the front desk. 

Even though Nagisa had thought before that he’s fine now, he actually feels out of it as Karma pays for the drinks and food. Distantly, he registers that’s not actually a good thing. Blowjob or not, he knows he shouldn’t just let Karma pay for  _ everything _ . Well, that’s an issue for later. He can always pay him back. 

There’s a high energy between them, on their way out of the building. Even on the street, suddenly hit by the cold air. In fact, he finds himself naturally standing even closer to Karma, arms rubbing against each other for warmth. It feels like the most mindless fun he’s had in a long time, even though he’s acutely aware that they’re not that far away from Shibuya Station, now, and all good things have to come to an end. 

“I don’t want to go home yet,” he realises. 

Karma looks down at him, surprised. “We can walk the long way.” 

They’re both taking the same train line home, and Nagisa’s slightly aware that the last train won’t be for another hour or so. He also knows that some of the stops are relatively close together. Still, he mostly lets Karma lead the way. He’s taller, longer legs, so he’s faster when it comes to climbing hills. Shibuya doesn’t have ridiculous inclines, but in the direction they walk, past all the lit up buildings full of night life, there’s still enough strain to his thighs to notice it. 

Eventually, the buildings and noise thin out, and they’re walking along a long path lined by strategically planted trees. There’s a few lights set up here and there, but nothing major. Not that feel like the actual winter illuminations, anyway. They’re walking in the vague direction of Harajuku, but for some reason Nagisa turns, steering them across the road instead. They’re still heading for Yoyogi Park, just from a different angle. 

Karma doesn’t protest, actually. He’s probably just assuming that Nagisa wants to go to a different train station or something. Looking up at him, it’s hard to judge, actually. After not walking that far at all, Nagisa can only let out a breath of amazement. It wasn’t really intentional, but now they’re stood in front of a light blue glow that looks nothing less than magical. 

All the trees in front of them are absolutely covered in the lights, which also produce a cool toned glow all around them. Nagisa’s never been to anywhere he’d consider ‘winter wonderland’, but this is the closest to what he’d imagined. It’s… really pretty, even if it is just something as simple as a bunch of lights wound around trees. Maybe because, at this hour, they’re pretty much alone. There’s something more mystical about it. 

Nagisa can’t help but burst out in a smile. “I’m so happy I got to see them.” 

“They’ve been around for two months now,” Karma comments, though he doesn’t seem mad about it. 

“It feels different today,” he says. “Somehow.” 

He blinks then, not sure if he just felt a drop of rain? They both look up, and another drop lands directly on Nagisa’s nose. It’s not rain, though. Just like that, a light snow starts swirling down around them, and somehow Nagisa feels like this is perfect. Karma’s looking up at the sky, still, and there’s something innocent and childlike about it, which makes Nagisa’s heart beat just a little faster. 

It’s at that moment he remembers they’re still holding hands. He almost wants to pull away, but he knows that’ll just draw attention to it. Besides… Karma’s hand is actually really warm. 

Karma’s eyes flick to his, then, and before Nagisa really registers it, he tilts his chin up gently and kisses him. Nagisa finds that’s actually the perfect excuse to let go of his hand, and it’s more natural to wrap his arms around the back of his neck. Honestly, the only part of them that falls out of alignment is their height difference. It’s kind of difficult, having to tilt his head all the time. If only he could be taller… 

He’s barely even thinking about anything like technique, anymore. Just the warmth of Karma’s lips sliding against his, the press of his body, the way one of his hands finds the small of waist… It just feels nice, and Nagisa, for just a second, tries his best not to have a problem with it. To just let himself pretend for a moment… 

He has to break the kiss eventually, though.

“I-I just think having sex in Yoyogi park might be a step too far,” he looks down. 

Karma lets go of him. “What?” 

That’s what a passionate kiss becomes, right? At least, with them. Nagisa already feels desire stirring in him again, but he knows he  _ can’t _ . As if on cue, the lights switch off around them, leaving only a few sparing street lamps to illuminate the pathway. He’s almost glad, that he can’t actually make out the look on Karma’s face in the darkness. 

“We should probably head to the station,” he says, “or we’ll miss the train.” 

It’s not much further along, from where they’re standing. They walk in silence, not holding hands this time, though they’re not notably distant either. It feels like a hangover, actually entering the building, scanning their transport cards through the gate. They’d been alone, before, but now they’re surrounded by a crowd of mostly drunk people, all looking to get home before the trains stop for the night. 

“Karma,” Nagisa starts to say, but then the jingle starts to play, and a train zooms into the opposite side of the station. 

Karma just nods at him, in goodbye, before turning and managing to push himself onto it. They’re travelling in different directions, of course. Nagisa almost feels possessed to follow him, turning around himself to watch as people finish getting on, and the doors slide closed. He just about catches sight of him through the window, before the train speeds off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, Merry (whatever winter holiday you celebrate)! 
> 
> Japan notes oh boi:   
> Don Quijote, affectionately called Donki by most people, is kind of… an ‘everything’ store? Like literally, it has everything you can imagine, and it’s always absolute chaos. Yes, there really are sex toy aisles. I never actually… entered the sex toy aisle, so I can’t promise absolute accuracy with my description of it. 
> 
> I think most people know what an izakaya is? But it’s basically a bar with complete table service, which also serves food. But more like small plates, than ‘meals’. They’re cheap and convenient, honestly. In Japan, a lot of the time you can order on a screen, and the waiter will bring over a bill with your food/drinks, dropping it on the table so you can leave whenever you want. This isn’t a thing in England, at least, so it may have been a little confusing. 
> 
> Winter illuminations! So, Christmas Eve is viewed as a romantic thing in Japan, pretty much like Valentines day. One of the most common dates is going to see the Christmas lights around the city. It’s actually pretty impressive, and definitely not just ‘random decorations’. The specific place they went to is called Shibuya Blue Cave, even though it’s located in Yoyogi Park (the biggest one in Tokyo). Actually, those lights turn off at like 10pm, but we can pretend, okay? 
> 
> In Japan, New Years is closer to the more western idea of Christmas, with the idea of gathering with your family for a large meal. And don’t worry - there’ll be a chapter that covers that… just not any time near actual new years. A girl has papers to write, lol.   
> Anyway, thank you all for reading this fic this year! I hope you stick around into 2021!

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer that this really isn't going to be my main focus, at least whilst my other fics are still going. This was a lot of fun to write, though, so I guess I'll update when it feels right 
> 
> My main tumblr is [Livixbobbiex](http://livixbobbiex.tumblr.com/) but my ass class blog and the one I used to discuss this fic is right [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/nagisasthickthighs)
> 
> I recently changed discords so if you want to discuss my fics with me directly, please join this [this link](https://discord.gg/py42kFB) (and ignore all others)


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